of love, mush and much romance

if you are currently in the "every boy is a jerk" or "every girl is.. umm..bad?"... mood.. then S..l..o..w..l..y
browse away from this page.
because although i am as single as a mountain range or purple cloud or a horses tail.. umm.. ok..
because Although i am single.. my heart has just been 'aww-ed' out of its capacity and is urging me to
record this phenomenal feeling.

so a friend from college got married and omitted to mention fact or invite most of mutual friends.
but since we never had a personal connection, really. all was forgiven without it being ever requested.
the relevant thing is i chanced upon her and her Husbands (hahaha.. whoaaaa.. scary) facebook pages...
now she was always extremely private and happens to be the only girl in contemporary ever-evolving history
to have resisted the urge to put up her chuuda-adorned pictures of the ceremony..
luckily.. her husband (hahahhaaaaaaaaaaaa..) succumbed...
they had a reaaaaally long relationship with its long-distance-related break ups where she pranced around
and kissed cute Pakistani boys and I'm not sure if he did the same.. but back in 2010 when they were still sort-of-together.. again, no sordid details available due to aforementioned lack of real personal connection... BUT.. there was a picture posted by him then of their feet next to each other in the sand (presumably near a beach and not a sand pit for kids).. and he had written "These feet will walk back to you"

what 'aww-ed' me out was that it did come true.. making the "end" officially define the relationship as always.. but it felt like a "hey THIS is love" moment which are so very rare to come by...

with things splintering and cracking and disintegrating and blowing up like firecrackers at a billionaires daughters' wedding ... umm.. with relationships not working.. it is always a pleasant feeling to watch something (albeit from a safe distance).. reach maturity.. fruition.. bloom :)

also... please note that every single image of being 'single' i could find is never Alone..
mountains are piled up strong supporting each other (or at a really s.l.o.w pace pushing Into each other)
purple clouds always hang out with other light beings
and a horse tail is full of buddy-hair lounging about trying to hurt flies...
so what im trying to say is.. being single doesn't mean your life is outta-loou (pronounced the Canadian way)
it just means .. well it means different things for everyone
for me.. it means *shrugs*.. oh well. it is what it is.

Love Light and more Love to All

Journey 1543...

Someone referred to a post I'd published many years ago on this very blog. It prompted me to go rummaging around the archives and guess what I discovered? I used to Write. with a huge imposing bigger-than-all-others "W".

I think my writing stems from emotion. dismay, giddy joy, strength, hope, and belief. Something outside used to incite an emotion that simply had to be spent by putting pen to paper.. rather, fingers to keys. Love used to be a huge force dominating my posts... anticipated, longed for, experienced and very occasionally rejected. But I found that as I drew closer to its experience... words became harder to come by. I would helplessly cling to poetry as a vain attempt to emote.. and the more intense the experience became.. I would find it harder to articulate and impossible to publish :)

So where does that leave us now? Surely I can Write. Let me hitch that invisble backpack up a little.. square my slouching shoulders.. breathe in the fresh Mountain air... visualize the goal of icy fresh water cascading down the hills and begin the trek. and maybe when I get there and take my first sip... I can Write again :)

more on Lalaland

I wonder what everybody else thinks about those movies/books where the girl almost always falls deeply in love with the 'wrong' guy. and more frustratingly while the sweet nice accommodating Eligible perfectly-in-love-with-her-and-accepting-of-her-with-all-quirks guy hangs around throughout..just Waiting to be appreciated. Mostly he isn't... except sometimes at the end. but Books generally end with the girl choosing neither..or ahem... Independenceeeeeeeee (instead of men)... *sound of liberated patakas in the air*

I mean what do people really think about that? I find myself desperately urging the girl from my cushioned seat... a million miles and probably at least a few Years away from when the episode was shot/book written... and urgently hoping that she hears me and somehow asks the script to go to hell and appreciate him before he stops giving a damn :) (aha.. so you guessed the movie that just stopped playing)

Let me throw a few names at you so we're frolicking on the same page.

Bridget and Darcy
Scarlett and Rhett (who wasn't exactly nice but well.. talk about total acceptance! whew!)
Gul Panag and Purav/b(?)'s characters in Turning 30

Meenaxi Madhavan's You Are Here also has a similar angle.. only that guy just happens to be a lot better than the jerk who is playing hot-cold-veryhot-icecold-nonchalant-warm.. you get it, right? But he also isn't Mr close-to-Right...

Since I've been almost exclusively working on Chick Lit's, Chick Flicks, and having recently discovered the power of Bit Torrent.. watching all the movies I wanted to catch up on.. I've basically been immersed in romance for the last few weeks.. which makes absolute sense because there has been none of it in 'real' life for at least a gazillion years..

So I've been gently needling the academic world and presenting papers on Chick Lit and having fun whilst at it... muahahaha... *dances around with the cool neck movement*


So what do my 62.. oh yeah.. SIXTY TWO readers think about this?
I mean I love watching the numbers climb (umm.. crawl..)/ touch the dizzy heights of the Himalayas (and growing at the same speed I might add)...
But it would be nice to hear from the wide world of 62... yeah.. SIXTY TWO!..
and How does it feel if it happens to you?
Does it happen to you?

Let me know peeps.. yeah, I can't carry off peeps.
Let me KNOW.. :)

Wishing everyone Peace, Love ... and the ability to appreciate them :)

Thankee and Love to the Universe

Last year... right around the time of my birthday.. I expressed a wish for a certain gift to manifest. The Universe lovingly agreed.
Last week.. actually exactly a week ago... I typed out a blog entry talking about yet another Birthday gift that I would like. But I didn't "publish" it. Yesterday the Universe gave me the means to get that gift myself. With even greater love, the Universe chose to allow me to Empower myself this year.

I think 2012 is close to this feeling. Whatever thoughts, emotions, even material objects you think you need someone else to give you... I think 2012 is about the realization that the outside is inconsistent and that's not a BAD thing. It Is what it Is.
You may get it, that satisfactions from outside.. but even if you do... it won't last. Because it can't.
If you want to experience love and you're waiting for someone outside to come and trigger that feeling.. you may be left wasting some time. or more.
If I'm going to wait till my Birthday to enjoy a pen drive full of movies.. I'll be expecting 13th May to bring with it a friend who has found the time to download them for me.
But if on 16 April, the Universe teaches me in the simplest way to procure each one myself.. I'll be experiencing them now and 13th May can walk on closer... without the burden of expectations.

Its the smallest thing. But it matters.
Do we still keep waiting for others outside of us to make us happy?
Or do we now Choose to pick up the hints that the Universe keeps sending... to become truly happy within. With or without movies. With or without things we, till now, always believed we needed somebody else for...

In gratitude for the gift and the more valuable learning

with love

even when things seem impossible to move on from
when ideas crumple up into bhujiya
and plans... well, plans remain just that

when nothing falls into place
remember. remember. remember always.. life is bigger than this.
we are stronger than this.
there is great learning in this.

and we are all.. all.. all blessed.
think of the many blessings that litter our everyday
keeping us safe, protected, loved.

so when something almost seems to get the better of us
ask yourself... what lesson am I supposed to learn from this..
how will this make me stronger

and you Will step out from each occasion... Liberated

lalaland

Its true. Its an absolute storm of weddings descending upon us...
I could use a gentler description but a storm is what it feels like... strong. gleeful. giddy. incoherent. and inevitable :)

A is marrying A. A is marrying A.
(four different A's)
All been in looooouuu for vast periods of time in this insanely paced hormone-driven generation.. (+6 years)
Its a great feeling when looouuu battles it out and reaches the (assumed)tranquility of married life.

If the image of marriage could be put together.. I'd think of it as a soft car purring its way through post midnight traffic.. and the two (monogamy) gently resting against each other.. worn out by the seemingly endless day and comfortable in the warmth of the silence that envelopes them.

I deliberately penned down this current vision of marriage. I think I'd like to read this again someday and see just how close to the truth this image was :)

Warmth. Comfort. Love. Consistency.
I'd be a fool to expect someone external to make me feel these things.
Because the way life has revealed itself so far... It would seem.. either we find them within or do without them and whine.

On the path to discover the former.
Hoping to gently fall in love with the journey... because thats the only way to live. In love.

Love Light and Warmth to everyone
and Puchheeees

(within)ribbons of blue

our mind may just be like this deep blue sea... with green weeds.. shimmery reflections bouncing off fish.. magical corals.. and sand at the very surface of the bottom.. and tiny invisible gaps in between those grains of sand... little magic. ah. i meant. our mind is full of thoughts.
and each thought is unique, but popping up habitually.... each thought has an energy.. has a memory and maybe a hope in the future... it could cause a pang, a soft smile, 'heart'ache, and giggles... or even a single thought could discharge all the others and bring the self to Balance.
i watch the self brimming to the surface of the sea.. the tiny thoughts of everyday living. with the saltiness of an ache.. with the gloss of a desire.. with the tremblings of the unknown..
but i wait
i wait for it to all surface and melt away
and sometimes melt away only half formed
because i watch the self dissolve who i was to become the original i
the i sans this swirling mass
i in the element
the i of strength
the i connected...

if it doesn't lead to peace and harmony
i will not hold on to it