Somebody that I used to know... :)

Perceptions can be Such a barrier between .. well... living happily in company (to be honest).
I happened to see someone that well, I used to know.. she and I had a complicated childish relationship when we were (naturally) children :)
*sheepish admission coming up* I may, okay DID, cyber-stalk her a little ;)
and then to see her out of nowhere.. we had that choice IN THAT INSTANT to either pretend we hadn't seen each other or?...
and you know the amazing thing that happened?
I couldn't HELP it.. I turned around and a smile lit up my face.. I waved and the words flowed out of my mouth so naturally with that smile.. "Hii!!" and a wave... she smiled back too (almost laughing) and between the most natural of smiles she asked "How've you been?" (through the glass door) The smile hadn't left my face.. I mouthed I'm well and we both departed (quite aesthetically) in different directions with, I suspect, smiles on both our faces.

I don't know what happened but... I'm so grateful for that light hearted smile that just welled up from within.. and strangely, now I feel only love for her.
with no desire to either "bond" or make anything of it... just... love.
She looked so radiant and happy... and, though I'm a stranger, I feel love and happiness for her.
and why I wanted to document this was because this feels like a beautiful gift... the love, the lightheartedness, the forgiving of our childish past... it just leaves the love behind.
Thank God that smile came, or we would have done that awkward dance of pretending someone is invisible... because, I'm Now understanding Some of the implications of this small incident..
there was a Reason she was leaving as I walked in ... there was a Reason she was Visible and Not invisible in that day... that Choice, that opportunity to release (unknowingly) was Given... and I'm not even sure I TOOK it, as much as it was taken for me because SOMETHING filled my heart with love.. and I cannot explain what it was...
these tiny miracles go unnoticed many times... but while I write about it... I not only re-experience and reinforce it..I notice more aspects of this ... well.. amazing experience.
Thanking the Universe and ALL those who helped, and also Whatever it is that is helping me Realize it!
love love love

my conservative moment

People write about Cricket.. movies.. and dogs?

Well i write about those too.. cricket (eh.ho hum) movies (not updated self sufficiently) dogs (love!)
but what i wanted to Talk about was religion.. in fact, Wendy Doniger's book on Hindus.

umm, normally i dont involve my mind in such debates.. i find myself generally Pro freedom of expression. even now, not excited about the book being "pulped" i.e.. taken off shelves.
HOWEVER, i do Not feel like being Pro This book.

ive seen the cover.. Divinity perched on naked women? are you serious?
since when is that something to celebrate?
nothing wrong with nudity.. or women (of course not!.. we're awesome :) )
but what the??? why?
i would be As offended if it was nude men.. i mean, i dont see the point.

ive read the few articles describing the content.. im not impressed.. and i have the Right to be unimpressed.
and i have the Right to not read this book.
and i have the Right to blog about it (or not).
i ALSO, as us academics frequently forget, have the RIGHT to be a little conservative and Not protest the ban.

yes, banning recalling a book is a bad idea..
don't stifle our voice. etc.
yes yes and yes.
but seriously... it seems to be in poor taste.. and while im not going to fight For a ban recall, i wont oppose it either.
im not even abstaining because im here.. on this forum.. SAYING.. i have the right to be conservative and Not appreciate this representation.
this is My stand.
for whatever it is worth.

*since posting the original post, have come to understand that it was not a ban but a "recall", so the book can still be published by someone else.. and this whole hullabaloo (yes, i said hullabaloo) will probably only help its sales.. so we all win. recallers. writers and bloggers.yay!*

Dilli o Dilli

I may have "published" some spam comments.. so be wary whilst clicking y'all!

So.. today I saw a man grooving-shaking-bouncing to the beat while driving.
in all of 3 seconds I finally understood what I must look like when I'M driving.

there are some subtle (or *cough* not) ways that "delhi" has creeped inside the fabric of my personality over the last (God!) umm 17 years!
one of the more obvious ones is the love for "oh ho ho ho..." songs 
and when they Do come floating around on the radio... you can bet your last matchbox(!) I'm going to be dancing... standing, sitting, or driving... it-will-happen!

and why your last matchbox? because light is important yo! :)

and remember... judge not lest ye be judged :)

(*she says, getting up to dance*... bolo tara ra ra) ;)

point of life, home, the sea and the fish

it was really nice of a reader to offer a suggestion for a post.. (Thankee).. but it was sort of Huge.
the point of life?
oh my!

so if i think about life in 4 parts.. sort of as the traditional way goes

childhood


youth/studying


the domestic life


and the Spiritual :) ie. letting go of attachments

somehow i think the 4 actually go together.. there is always the active joyful child in us.. regardless of our years.. and in fact, as a wee baby we always want to be "old enough".. and as we shoot up in height and uh weight.. we want to retain the happiness that comes from the little things..
of course I've been studying uh till.. well, now.. and onwards.. and one doesn't stop learning, right?
the domestic is also a huge part of life as i see it.. regardless of who inhabits that domesticity.. parents, grandparents, in-laws, friends.. you name it.. there is normally someone there.. even if it is paid-part-time-help.. as with their presence comes interaction.

so all three require immense interaction with people, situations and frankly, our own limitations.
and this is where, throughout our life, Spirituality enters. my own weaknesses put me in touch with what hurts me.. or rather :).. what hurts me makes me realize where my weakness is.. and the desire to free myself from self inflicted hurt.. the desire to be free of conditional love for self and others.. the desire to protect myself from feeling undesirable.. the purely seemingly selfish desire to never let myself be hurt again.. THAT puts me in touch with the connection that Can source Unconditional love... and that Has worked for the enlightened ones.. that Is working for the enlightened ones.. and whether we connect to Their journey through satsang, books, youtube videos, the sacred texts, the vedas.. any religion.. it doesn't matter. what matters is finding that tool to help me feel peace as im a child, as i play the role of a student/wife/daughter/person/girl/whatever.. as i play all my roles at all ages.. and somehow, and this is the Miraculous part, from a place of "meme peace"... it becomes easier to share it and wish it for others.
sure, there are mistakes made along the way.. but they're bigger learnings right?
and when i was personally ridden with guilt at stumbling and screwing up even after knowing better.. i came across (amazingly) an article by Yogananda ji.. and it spoke about how when someone is Seeking to be better... there can still be pitfalls but to move on and not judge yourself so harshly.. what i take from it is that the journey for inner perfection isn't a one day trip so let not other people (or yourself esp) hold the hurt of screwing up.. move on, do better :)
and truly.. i feel we're all on our own paths.. and as long as we're trying to get somewhere better internally.. we'll find peace as we keep at it.. and when we're ready and willing.. we'll be led to someone who'll help us further.. share all the love it takes to keep us going.. that's about all i can say :)

and the sea is awesome. the sea salt is purifying and fish are great too :)
thanks deluded.. for the Inspiration to pen this down.. have a feeling it'll help me too one day :)
(3 sentences ending with a smiley..whoa!)
love

also, Importantly.. seriously recommend "Autobiography of a Yogi" Paramhansa Yogananda Ji
if you want to trust any word of this.. let it be this recommendation!
love

Leela o Leela...

Offering some thoughts on Ram Leela (the movie, not well... anything else)

So this is the first movie I've watched in a theatre since.. Vicky Donor (OMG.. google tells me that was mid 2012. OMG~!)

Somehow movies have just lost their charm.. esp Srk ones.. I don't know about everyone (clearly). but the Idea that srk is able to buy off cinema halls and fill em up with Only his shows puts me off actually Watching his movies.. I'm obviously in a minority acc to the success of his movies.. but i haven't honestly watched anything he has been in since... Kal Ho Na Ho? (2003. wow.) or maybe Chak De (2007)... yes. but i enjoyed the lack of focus on him.

Anyway, have recently (maybe with This movie) become a Huge admirer of Deepika Padukone.. the woman is simply Gorgeous! and i could Not stop gushing about her Throughout.. oozing talent, hard work, effortless grace and just Beauty.. even as a girl... i have never found another woman so beautiful.

and Ranveer, while not my cup of tea, i sort of liked for his confidence, acting ability and just this youthful energy bursting out of him.. it somehow seemed to come through that he was absolutely Loving every second of acting.. and that joy became infectious and almost palpable even through a projection of his image!

The movie seems to serve violence with art which when consumed still leaves me queasy..
the tendency to still use the woman's body as a site for violence disturbed me the most i think.. often leaving me holding my hands up to my mouth in horror at what might happen..
the idea that the sexually bold character (deepika's) was made to lose steam by conforming to the virgin ideal didn't really sit well with me either.. why couldn't she be sustained as sexual as ranveer's character?

in parts it Was like a salman khan rowdy, crude, sexual movie titillating the masses with foreplay.. but the fabulous acting saved it.. as well as D's beauty. Bhansali was clearly aiming to please the public and rake in the moolah

i would say it was well made.. but i would also not be watching it again.
(spoiler ahead)
we knew where this ride was heading the moment he climbed up the tree and hopped onto her balcony..
but i'd still hoped for a happier ending and a less pointless death..

an eye for an eye truly makes the whole world blind
i just wish we'd stop calling women bhabhi* and then attempting gang rape.. even in movies.


*literally meaning sister-in-law, but also suggesting respect for the wife of a beloved friend

still musing

Perception is probably the most important part of my day.

The way i choose to see things colours me, them, situations, people, the day and the larger canvas of life.

It esp. colours Me. 

What did i focus on today defines who i was today.

we play Holi with all the colours.. but which colour tints our glasses? 

Good Night and a Sunshine Absorbing Morning to All

love

Walls

I had almost forgotten my old bedroom and scrolling through folders unopened for years.. I found pictures. The bedroom still exists and so does the bed.. but I moved to another friendly-plaster room in the house a while ago. (Friendly-plaster merits a description.. let's just say it often jumps down from the ceiling to hug the earth. ahem)
But since the bedroom was no longer mine.. all the hangings were peeled off and some didn't make it all the way across the house. They got rolled up and stuck in closets, flattened and buried under mattresses and of course relegated to the garage.. ie. not going to be used again space.

When I was 13, a good 12 years ago.. so stave off the harsh judgement :)..
I was deeply in, what I thought, love with boy bands and particularly all blonde singers :)
There used to be posters all around the room.. me, swooning over Nick.. and sister swooning over the dark haired bandmate whose name I never bothered to learn.
with cheesy poetry bubbling inside me, I'd pen down verses or musings right on the poster.. ah, to be 13.. ah, thankfully not-to-be-13 again!

With college at 18 (and onwards), the walls noticed another shift. The board put up anticipating studious "To Do" lists was punched with endless pictures from the days when photos were tangible things to hold, caress and admire the ageing paper. New experiences through Theatre were all recorded and tacked up along with pink hearts strung together.. holding precious expressions of love from friends who finally managed to spring a "Surprise" birthday on me!

Now at 25 I look around the room.. all photos limited to one frame of a collage.. presented as we bid adieu to college.  The space so different now. More of a private space. Quieter. Softer. Nothing screaming for attention. Well, except the occasional bouquet that finds its way into the room. Pictures- now aspirations to a different mental landscape. Very few invited to share. "Let's go out" I say, closing the door behind me.

I wonder about 30... what will I see? where will I be? what will I be surrounded with? what will I aspire towards?...

musing, with love