Hello '2012-me'

So on January 10th 2012 it seems I wrote this poetic imagery of what I thought marriage would be..
It was apparently
"If the image of marriage could be put together.. I'd think of it as a soft car purring its way through post midnight traffic.. and the two (monogamy) gently resting against each other.. worn out by the seemingly endless day and comfortable in the warmth of the silence that envelopes them."

*snorts*

Although I did say that it was deliberately penned down so I could one day know just how accurate I was..

Well...

Conceded it was 5 years ago when the closest example I had to a contemporary marriage was my sister who was plonked 22 hours away!... (by flight!)... so that shall be my justification.
I was oh-so clueless!

Well at least I got the monogamy right... *snorts some more*...
marriage is not a smooth car ride "worn out" by the day..
It's a live thing... a living organism.. shaped by every day...
It's moulded by nurturing, time, patience, love, trust, even family, sacrifice, upbringing... it is  individual belief systems and dramatically different experiences suddenly inseparable and joined softly.. it isn't two pillars standing together.. it isn't rigid.. it's soft, it has to be..
it has to be malleable.. because 2 concrete structures will only rub and erode against each other..
it's the soft flexible branch that survives the wind.. the dried branch breaks off

I know nothing can ever be an exact universal definition of marriage..
but this is closer to my experience .. no car in the picture unless you count the countless (teehee) crazed car rides to fulfil unending errands.. and more often than not, your partner will probably be doing some equally constructive work heading off in another direction to fulfil his end of the to-do list!

Well, this is the 2017 experience.. I guess we'll know more when we experience more!
but hey... I guess the writer is back :) Ba-Boom!

Ps- also, straighten your hair today... you don't know what chaos tomorrow will bring!
Pps- procrastination only works for college kids. 

of Books... in a way!

I normally read the trashiest (ie. least intellectually stimulating) fiction while travelling..
and of course on vacation :D

but the rare times that I'm travelling sans companion is when I truly dig in into that alternate reality.. what started out as the giggly-shopaholic series (years ago... extremely far from 'then-me')
soon reached thrillers by Baldacci (picked up in bulk and consumed, inhaled, whole in 3 weeks of glorious hopping)

this time I guiltily shelled up the 600 odd bucks at the airport and sheepishly perused Johar's Biography.. Now I didn't know I was a fan until I met him and pretty much ignored every other filmy presence and dove for him and announced my love! It was bizarre.. Bachchan Senior crossed me along with his convoy of security and what I clearly remember is sidestepping him and launching myself into Johar's courteous company! Johar had just finished his peri-pana (touching feet of an elder to receive blessings) of Bachchan and was raising his head when I announced my presence and gushed. I gushed. and I could hear myself gushing, and wondering 'When did I become such a big fan?'... I just stopped short of pronouncing myself his "number one fan", which I'm sure I'm not.. but somewhere between watching endless Koffee with Karan episodes... I began to feel like I knew him. Personally. Like this was a friend who I was meeting after a long time.
And the conversation with him flowed, he's exactly the way his persona is projected on the show.. warm, courteous, polite, friendly... with the tiniest glimpse of an edge...
again, far removed from my reality but so warm!

So when I began reading his biography... it flowed... just like a conversation with him.
a testament to the writer as well the subject..
I had read excerpts of this book online.. but the whole.. was a treat!
a voyeuristic delight!
His fathers humble roots, the privilege lovingly afforded to him.. struggles with finances..
the coming together of talents nurtured unwittingly in school..
a chain of "coincidences"... and then the rise... the rise that looked so easy
but behind it was the effort of generations..

made me re-realize.. the privilege we all stand on today and whose fruits we enjoy...
are all a product and testament of the efforts of our ancestors..
like our own efforts today will provide the foundation for our loved ones to come..
Nothing is overlooked by the Universe... we may reap its results now or later...
visible or invisible...
but Nothing is overlooked by the Universe..

Like a loving aunt had told me in childhood, everything we do or say is noted down somewhere..
she described it more tangibly as the writing of the good or bad...
I too believe... its being taken note of somewhere..
and we're accumulating our entries.. to face today, tomorrow.. or maybe much later someday..
ominous or liberating? guess it depends on the nature of what we're collecting!

moving past nostalgia

I did something strange today... Besides the fact that most of what I do feels largely strange *snorts*
Anyway.. I searched online for someone.. Using some really bizarre keywords and up popped the right image! Now this is all going to sound very cryptic since I am quite deliberately Being cryptic but the good news is.. I got back on Twitter

Must unshackle the creative self from this cocoon that I have strapped myself in
Must do so much
Must write write write
Write write write


Even if all that flows out of me is the word "write"

But speaking of the past... It's not really meant to be forgotten
Each person and relationship must be given its due importance at the time of experiencing it
And if it is in the cards of time that the relationship and association will not move beyond a certain decade.. It still exists as a part of who we were, what we thought, believed, cared about
And more than a marker of how far we've come
It still deserves its due that we cannot dismiss as imaginary
It existed. It made an impact. It was. And now is a memory arguably worthy of respect and thankfulness :)

But mostly must move on and Write!!!

music

I tried for a coherent narrative.. but today i did something i don't remember doing before..

i let music overwhelm... wash over... pour out of... vibrate molecules inside... of [me].

dance to it yes

allow the rhythm inside and dance it Out. yes 

in the past

let the rhythm pour in, and ferment change... not before today...

when you want to drink something.. to eat something.. you make sure its prepared in a clean kitchen.. its free of bacteria and dirt..

and something i never realised before today.. even when i listen to music there was always a wall of "oh no, who knows what is breeding inside these words.. the thought"

so theres a wall..

but when i saw his intent... the purity of the intent allowed something inside me to shift and pour inside of me

and the molecules vibrated inside of me.. filled with his intent.

and i could finally understand the passion some have for music

i could finally understand

experience.. what a teacher!

the Strange silence of you

It's a little odd "posting" here now... It's a strange no-man's-land wherein there is a (presumed) audience... but the silence is a little disconcerting.

because either the ink can fly freely across the page in the quiet comfort of no one reading it's musings. Or can compose itself into a lightly defined lines while keeping up a healthy interaction and trading anecdotes of lives which would otherwise have never connected...

but here it's just.. Strange. I'm talking to you, the big old internet world, and you choose to keep mum.
Maybe I can find a greener pasture... :) another space to call "my Own"

let time reveal :)

of Today and this moment

my desktop picture, as of last night.. is of a tiger basking in the falling autumn leaves.. as he frolics in the garden. he is stretched out and on his back, in joy... and the grass is more than peppered with tiny white flowers in full bloom...
he is happy and fierce...
but fierce is the undertone.. he Is fierce.. but at the moment he is happy...

as of today and this moment I'm glad i chanced upon this picture and embraced its existence...
he is what i want to be today..
happy in the grass (grace) and fierce always remains unspoken but perfectly understood..

#ifwisheswerehorses

Hello there, 2017!

Another year has swept past us all.. in a whirlwind romance with the sun, the Earth has decided to quicken its journey this last year.. it seems like. you're going in circles my love... but she listens to no one.

And we can feel the time ticking faster.. but no rationale can explain it.

Facebook took it upon its electronic AI self to announce i had graduated.
Not.Quite.Yet.

That day i shall celebrate with bubbly. bubbling diet coke of course.
because drinks has somehow never done it for me.
when i say it, and repeat it often i do, i am faced with quizzical expressions.
what Does do it? they ask silents.
nothing really i answer verbally... i prefer to let my high be unrestrained by alcohol.
i prefer to be naturally high.
they probably think thats me alluding to weed. giggles.

never went down that road either.
too much of a caution-ist i guess... can't depend on my attachment issues.
too attached to all the unhealthy junk without adding any "high"s to the list.

All is ok and well but, like Facebook, i need to focus on my graduating!

THIS YEAR IS IT.
RESOLUTION ESTABLISHED

2017 my graduation cap awaits!! :D

Happy New Year and New Resolutions!