Technology. and changing people.

I'm the person who insisted on putting her phone on airplane mode and switching off the wifi transmitter from the base every night because I could physically feel the onset of a headache if they were on, and near me. Which is not something which is backed by science, just experience.
I don't think I can view myself as "young" post crossing 31 (whew, when did that happen).. but even in my 20's ie. tackling hormones and not wanting to miss out on messages from special people, I still enjoyed chucking the phone in one part of the house and only grabbing it on the way out.

A habit I have since tried to let go off because, well, Adulting. Also if you read an invite, forget to respond later, people are way less forgiving. Also see under embarrassing.
Escapism must be practiced more subtly now. This duniyadari I tell you, such a massive waste of precious energy and time.

So now the wifi stays on (and not near my head, so all good), but the phone resolutely on airplane mode. The trend of the chiming of relentless messages invading whatsapp groups does not seem to tire. Its funny when its the college gang having a hysterical personal conversation on a group with 30 others and you wake up to 95 messages of utter nonsense. Its less funny when it is actually a work related group and you have to skim through smileys and thumbs to get to the point. I might be a whatsapp-scrooge, a whooge? :|

So getting into the whole wearable technology thing wasn't a great fit. But one re-gift and desire to drop some mass later, here I am 3 weeks steady with it. and the notifications do help me not miss some important calls. Sigh.

How things change.
and yet, unless we really make a sustained effort, they still sort of feel the same.
Effort to change habit patterns, which over 2+ decades of practice become reflexes.
So hard to rewire reflexes.
But change they must, for without change there is no growth. except horizontal.
hence the technology :D

Have dropped coffee and tea since March because I was sort of missing them too much.
Hence ofcourse I had to slip them off the menu, it's my kind of logic.
No more coffee, now to Smoothie dates :D

those days

how strange were those days
when eccentricities were celebrated,
when the dance of the words
felt like sunshine after the rain.

voices impatient, to grow up so.
for the world to acknowledge,
we were here and they could hear us roar

brave lions, just as savvy.
big hearts, and many steps of folly.
generous smiles to nearly all around
regrets so few, almost none to be found.

a kinship, a tribe, of growing minds.
joined at the hips, whilst celebrating flight.
innocent or ignorant of the vagaries of time
and that temptress, that is hope.

excited babbles, incoherent debates.
no stemming of ideas,
no thought left corked,
spilling out aloud,
endless nights, endless days.

how strange were those days.

The 2019 Post :)

The thing with the "Draft" folders is, that they are rarely perused. Much easier to scroll down published posts.

This might just make its way out of the Draft pile and into the sunshine of this rarely inhabited but happy space.

Rereading some poetry penned down in my early 20's, when life was composed of a rollercoaster of emotions and what-ifs abounded. The opportunities seemed endless, what direction one chose would probably define the next 40 years of work-life. Or literally half of ones days on the Earth moving forward. Lawyer, PR person, Scriptwriter (that I still love), Content Writer, Animator, Artist, Journalist, Event Management, the Civil Services, Writer.. were all fields and professions I had seriously considered or perhaps peripherally considered at some point. Some I actually tried and experimented with the lifestyle before rejecting. Some were just a pipe dream. I got a touch distracted and just googled where the phrase pipe dream came from and the result is hilarious.

"late 19th century: referring to a dream experienced when smoking an opium pipe."

hilarious because it was metaphorically a pipe dream, it was literally an assessment of capabilities I thought I had and the lifestyle that seemed most in tune with them and comfort. That old laziness trait. Job satisfaction- Essential (and a given)

That booted out Events, PR, even journalism didn't stimulate some peculiar string that I seemed to want pulled(?)... I gave animation and graphic designing a shot, but they were more technical than creative (at least at the beginning)... my experience of Events was just a mess of late nights, manual labour and ton of lies thrown at the client. I quickly realised it wasn't my forte simply because I didn't enjoy it. and at 20 and privileged I had the luxury of searching for something that made me feel happy.

Teaching was literally farthest from my mind even though i was pursuing the degrees methodically. But life was unravelling its plan with ease and i felt myself flowing towards it.
The first few sections of young minds were gratifying.
i felt motivated and happy, i was able to share something that they could absorb and gain from.
Why had I never viewed teaching in this way before?
Who knows why we shut some doors simply because we don't understand them.
and it takes a series of carefully orchestrated seemingly random events to take us where we fit in the puzzle.
and maybe its no longer a puzzle. Maybe now its a rubik's cube. A 3 dimensional riddle that appears 2 dimensional from certain angles.

Sometimes I'm certain I don't know what's going on, and sometimes the flow of the water seems to be leading to a place very familiar and safe. I've re-assessed myself over the years. More in "real" life than in blog.
This is going to be a very special year. I don't know what it is, but i sense it's coming.
Hope my 1 or 2 readers are happy and fulfilled wherever they are. Lots of love.

Pre-Diwali

I remember being so close, that it feels ridiculous to know so little now

To be good at ones "job" is such an underrated pleasure

My list of things pending is teetering on the edge of intimidating

Wish the salon opened at 8 instead

Whattowear. Whattowear-when. 

Field. Market. Space. Market. Mall. Market? Navigating traffic routes today with diverse destinations #DiwaliDelhiDarshan

I will eat poppet up

Thoughts impending a Wednesday that feels like "busy" won't sum it up.

This is the pre-phase. The pre before that first stint in the car.

N----Back

B----S----Back

C----lunch?---N (Different N)----A(order in?)----

Right, M in between the above, Post N, Before C.

If I knew then what I know now, I would such a better past-me. 

Arguably leading to a much better present me, wanting to be an even better past me.

Hmm. I see how I could get lost here. 

Let's just focus on bettering Wednesday me today.

Let the Day Begin! <3 div="">

(Funts turning 30 soon #impendingexcitement. Hmm Whattobuy!?!)

Tea and Motivation

"I love to write" says the girl with 400+ odd blog posts spanning more than a decade.. and probably double that number nestled safely in "drafts", waiting to be perused on nostalgic mornings.
This is not that morning :D

Growing older is also about being more honest with yourself. I love to write but I don't do it often enough. Conscientiously enough.

Increasingly I find myself distracting the mind with mundane flights into imaginary worlds courtesy Instagram. I wish I would delve so enthusiastically into my subject.

There is so much to be done. And I'm letting time slip away. It will not get less-busy I am told. And I believe it. Because I see the evidence around me. I literally wrap my arms around living, breathing, laughing, loving proof that life is only going to get more full of activities, people, meetings...

It's 10.30 am on a Monday morning. The week has just begun. The list is not at its peak.
I need to grab a hold of the time. Snatch it out of mid-flight and pin it down, muscle it into submission with my determination and finish the most postponed phase of my career.
This time will not come back.
I am most aware, Carpe Diem Self, or at least the first part. Seize the Day not because you have little regard for the future but because you Do care. Because you know the future is coming. and today Must be seized.

Seize today, because tomorrow is not that far away. A little light editing of a classic is a good way to begin ;)

Onwards

I blog, because I Can.
It's a release, a note keeping, an airing of thoughts otherwise self-ignored, an expansion of the mind beyond the physical walls that we keep decorated with colours of the rainbow.

It is a delving into the present, submerging the self into the thoughts that underlie today. Like the shifting currents of water that contradict each other in the depths of the sea, thoughts collide against each other. The emotions of today, with the beliefs of yesterday merge, embrace, and sometimes reject the other.

I'm using one of two identical-ish (Thank you :*) Birthday Gifts this year as a means of a more physical note keeping of the oscillations of the mind. Trying to direct them to a more permanent positive resolution, hopefully helping the foundation of the pattern of thinking evolve a little bit.

I've written a few posts about the actual Turning30 occasion. But they have all been pushed off into the drafts folder. Oh Well.
It Happened.
Twas Lovely.
Twas Happy.

Now to ThirtyOne... !!

Some Content

Although I am not a big producer of virtual content, I manage to actually consume a great deal of nonsense online without really flushing it out of the recesses of my mind. I've started a new routine (which shall hopefully become a routine really) which was more need-of-the-hour as opposed to my magnifique will power exerting itself and out has popped an exciting side effect. I have more time, a much better mood earlier on in the day and an interesting thought that floated up out of my subconscious.

It addresses many aspects of this mind-personality, one... I seem to have made some decent choices in life but some of the reasons for those, at the time, were really silly. Let me explain for the benefit of future me re-reading this post next decade.
When I was 14 I decided on x, because I felt I probably had an overtly attached personality anyway based on my inability to resist chocolates, maggie and kurkure. So I stuck with it, I would officially resist x, y, and z because of my experience with chocolates, maggie and well, later blue lays. I allowed these 3 rampant entry into my zone of experience but disallowed any, even brief, intimation with x,y, and z. I'm turning 30 in less than a week, so 16 years later I feel happy with these particular choices I made over the last decade and more! But my reasons technically were ridiculous. Today I watched a short clip on the scientific changes consumption of x makes to the brain. How it confuses the network or neuro pathway of cells between the different parts of the brain disrupting the normally organised organ into a wreck essentially. I felt bad. Actually honestly I'm feeling bad. I didn't have this information earlier. I wish I had known. Because although I made the right choice, I didn't have the entirety of the complete information that would have given me a better understanding of why I was making the right choice by abstaining. I wish it were better known. Because, today, at 29 years 11 months and 3 weeks, I feel glad that I didn't knowingly cause disruption to an organ, in this way, that has been created to serve a very important function in this life. I feel grateful of course but somewhere I do believe that it isn't enough to commit to an action if the intent behind it is not the same.

It's pretty universally known I think that 2 people can do the exact same thing but if their thoughts behind it are different, then it doesn't really carry the same invisible vibration. To the external world it will appear the same perhaps but even the vibration it carries within the 2 people will be very different.

Blogging, from being a safe haven to vent my feminist cries, is also transforming as the Earth takes yet another revolution around the Sun while I have my body reasonably firmly plonked on this planet. As history of my write-ups will probably reveal, I love celebrating my day of Birth even months ahead. In fact its impending nature, causes more frills of excitement to burst out of me with rapid texting spontaneously occurring. I'm turning Thirrrrrrrrrty my texts chirp! Demanding synced levels of excitement from sleepy recipients. So suggestions for celebrations are welcome, but not at all expected. I have a vague idea that I want my reasonably healthy meal accompanied by decent music, comfortable lighting and some major dancing-till-we-sweat. Pause for sweet-lime-soda-with-sugarfree, and some more dancing-till-we-sweat. Am I thinking celebration or zumba class?
Although the idea of swimming does hold appeal. Not in sweat. I mean in the pool, with baby urine merged in with the Chlorine. Ehm. Still yucky. Moving on.
How shall we celebrate? Time Will Tell.

Oh yes, I meant blogging is beyond venting (Excuse the last stream-of-consciousness para)... and evolving into production of content as opposed to the normal consumption "online".
The last of the simultaneous audio upload is finito, or was finito a good 10 minutes ago. Back to somewhat reality.