Pathetic. Sorrowful. Disillusioned. Thats how i felt after reading 2 articles in the Sunday Edition of Hindustan Times. They had vast amounts of data on how hard Indians tried to link themselves to any famous personality abroad who was recognized by the much exaulted West.
Sheesh. Isn’t it bad enough that, in some remote part of my being, I am aware of this innate hypocrisy? Why aren’t I allowed to bury my head in the sand? Why should I be exposed to the truth when I try so desperately to dig up some miniscule speck of patriotism? One of the many side effects of being brought up in an upper middle class rational and educated family is it strips away the gloss of fanatic emotions from your eyes. I have always been very aware that the Independence Day march is a big charade, Cricket fever is to be avoided at all costs and that most Indians will cheat you if you let them.
Now, at 19, I try desperately to fit in with my idealistic friends who brim with enthusiasm and sprout idealism from their very pores. They believe they can make a difference and I let myself be convinced. Happy in this almost delusional state, my parents did nothing to stop me. I’m sure they looked on indulgently and waited for me to discover the inevitable truth for myself-Being patriotic may be more fun but it’s a lie and one I willingly wanted to be brainwashed into believing.
Now some random article has invaded my mind and unsettled those thoughts that I was keeping buried. Tagore was never recognized till the West handed him the Nobel Prize claimed my teacher in college. This was possibly the beginning of my journey towards enlightenment. Though I hate to be cynical, the truth remains that Indians are a bunch of lovable liars. We accept the merits of Yoga and Spirituality only after the likes of Madonna have advertised them. Sometimes this unpleasant task must be undertaken. So I stand before you ashamed of myself for wanting to believe in the fairytale.
i don't want to believe in India's weakness and i most certainly don't want other people throwing them in my face.
I realize I want to believe in the parade. I want to cheer for the Indian Team. I want to think of people as warm loving creatures who are ‘good’. I want to know that I have some power and that I can save the world if i try really hard.
I want to be a better person and i would love to know that i have the Free-Will to become one. That my changing for the better would somehow help India prove to the world that we don't need the likes of Bobby Jindal, we have our own Idols.
:):)
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
the unsaid
so much more can be successfully conveyed by not saying anything
this makes a blog obsolete.......
odd how reluctant we are to call the 'new' obsolete....
possibly because each time some new gizmo is dangled in front of our hungry eyes......we make frantic gestures and hope that this new thing would finally give us some feeling of completeness....for now most of us have realized that we are indeed hollow...hollow from following another hollow individual......
even indivduality is in fashion....so we try desperately to run away.....trying to become that rebel that might give us a glimpse of that forbidden freedom....we end up confused.......perhaps i should use a more impressive word instead of 'confused'....but considering how messed up we are its best to leave some things uncomplicated.....we're kind of like those dogs who chase their own tail.....
we are chasing a fantasy....each individual fantasy that is strangely and eerily similar in ambition.....so now each step forward is to fill that void of deep misunderstood longing....
thoughts ramble on directionless and abandoned
poetry seems like more intellectual vomit.....
or contradictorily a desperate attempt at demystifying the everyday but not the 'normal'....
we lead exceptional lives and few of us realize that....
the road ahead is a jumbled mass of tangled vines which curve slyly to trip the fool that hides somwhere in all of us.....
insanity beckons me.....
its long fingers tantalisingly close....
leading me to definite darkness and then blessed clarity.....
release from questions.....where Faustus wanted to know all.......
some of us desire simply curling up in some remote corner of the undiscovered world or in the very least demanding a 'pensieve'.....
when the past and present exist simultaneously
when idealism bumps into cynicism
when ideas arrange themselves into a complicated ball
when hope and mean spirit join hands
when compassion and realism dance together
when individual experiences are translated into lifes lessons
strung together in one delicate thread....
they make the unsaid and the completely understood
PS-another attempt through free verse poetry to define myself....i sigh and join the millions before me who have tried to do just that....
this makes a blog obsolete.......
odd how reluctant we are to call the 'new' obsolete....
possibly because each time some new gizmo is dangled in front of our hungry eyes......we make frantic gestures and hope that this new thing would finally give us some feeling of completeness....for now most of us have realized that we are indeed hollow...hollow from following another hollow individual......
even indivduality is in fashion....so we try desperately to run away.....trying to become that rebel that might give us a glimpse of that forbidden freedom....we end up confused.......perhaps i should use a more impressive word instead of 'confused'....but considering how messed up we are its best to leave some things uncomplicated.....we're kind of like those dogs who chase their own tail.....
we are chasing a fantasy....each individual fantasy that is strangely and eerily similar in ambition.....so now each step forward is to fill that void of deep misunderstood longing....
thoughts ramble on directionless and abandoned
poetry seems like more intellectual vomit.....
or contradictorily a desperate attempt at demystifying the everyday but not the 'normal'....
we lead exceptional lives and few of us realize that....
the road ahead is a jumbled mass of tangled vines which curve slyly to trip the fool that hides somwhere in all of us.....
insanity beckons me.....
its long fingers tantalisingly close....
leading me to definite darkness and then blessed clarity.....
release from questions.....where Faustus wanted to know all.......
some of us desire simply curling up in some remote corner of the undiscovered world or in the very least demanding a 'pensieve'.....
when the past and present exist simultaneously
when idealism bumps into cynicism
when ideas arrange themselves into a complicated ball
when hope and mean spirit join hands
when compassion and realism dance together
when individual experiences are translated into lifes lessons
strung together in one delicate thread....
they make the unsaid and the completely understood
PS-another attempt through free verse poetry to define myself....i sigh and join the millions before me who have tried to do just that....
Friday, September 21, 2007
if it were a book......
If my life was a book....
i would refuse to read the end before its time
as the leaves curl and the seasons make way for each other.....
all, as they often say, will be revealed..........
i find myself wrapped up in my own thoughts....
all i know is...........that i am TRYING.......
and this is what will hopefully make a difference...
in the end, hopefully my attempts would show their colours...
my efforts would reap results
and then perhaps i could hope for one night of contented sleep.......
O pray for me, God i know not when i may need help
that whatever you do...
wherever you may be...
everything works out for the best...
i would refuse to read the end before its time
as the leaves curl and the seasons make way for each other.....
all, as they often say, will be revealed..........
i find myself wrapped up in my own thoughts....
all i know is...........that i am TRYING.......
and this is what will hopefully make a difference...
in the end, hopefully my attempts would show their colours...
my efforts would reap results
and then perhaps i could hope for one night of contented sleep.......
O pray for me, God i know not when i may need help
that whatever you do...
wherever you may be...
everything works out for the best...
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Connecting the Dots
i must be truly blessed to want to comment on 2 very different things in the same post...(writers block sure makes you appreciate not having it!)
one being Othello and i almost quote him when he says....
"my heart is turned to stone: i strike it, and it hurts my hand"
beautifully put to Iago.....it seems he takes the expression too seriously and
manages to give us a glimpse of his hurt...
the second would be "chak de"...the movie starring the evergreen romantic....Shahrukh Khan ....much has been said about this well made movie...
i would love to add that it reminded me of Lakshya.....it gave me a taste and now i am left longing ....it made me hunger for that elusive win........winning in my own life is extremely important......
i seem to measure my self worth with my successes.....a bad assignment can be a blow to my ego and one that will take time to heal ........
so where is the connecting link??
what similarity joins the revered words of Shakespeare and a 21st ecntury movie into one blog?????
i suppose its oddly about Ambition.....Iago's 'evil' one which was recognized as the ultimate 'new' one at his time and highly respected....
now mould that with OUR conception of success and ambition.....
excellence in sports in collaboration with heavy doses of patriotism is seen as positive......
Each generation finds new values to respect.....desire....achieve
this conception changes frequently
the reasons for this are many...
our history is inextricably linked with change
what happened one thousand years ago has made a difference to our lives....
whether we are aware of it or not...
ignorance is the greatest killer
if you know not who your are or why you are so
you have not any right to judge others for then you know not what made them or even who they are
deciding what you want is one of the hardest things
because you're never really sure of how much you can sacrifice
how unselfish you really are
never truly certain about how much you can give before you want something back...
following the theory of Predestination is neither intelligent nor practical in todays world.....the philosophy of karma is not obsolete but has to be one that is practiced while tryin to do 'better'.....
'better' may be financially emotionally or study oriented.........
sometimes in all three even....
many opportunities present themselves to us...
to perhaps discover and surprise ourselves...
we may bend......or break.....
each time we know ourselves a little bit more.....
we come closer to staring at our limits
and if all goes well....
one day we will truly realize
limits are only those that we set for ourselves
boundaries are man made
the deepest crevice can be crawled out of
despair can only try our patience...
there is no place the light of God cant shine
and no matter how low we fall.....
its never too late to make a fresh start
Faith, i hope we realize, is the most important thing
and Belief that it will surely be All Right...
Fear not ambition
Have faith today
what you dream now
will be a reality
someday.....
perspective may change
the idea of success vary
but when failure you refuse to accept
never shall your heart be heavy
when you think your in pain
and appear words in your mind many
take a look at life
and its marvels plenty...
bow not your head
feel shame nay
for you are special
i give thee premission
believe that you May!!!!
laugh with the world and see it for what it is......
dont hide your head in the sand,
you deserve everything good.........so dream it.......work for it...
and get it!
love!
muahhhsss!!!!!!
one being Othello and i almost quote him when he says....
"my heart is turned to stone: i strike it, and it hurts my hand"
beautifully put to Iago.....it seems he takes the expression too seriously and
manages to give us a glimpse of his hurt...
the second would be "chak de"...the movie starring the evergreen romantic....Shahrukh Khan ....much has been said about this well made movie...
i would love to add that it reminded me of Lakshya.....it gave me a taste and now i am left longing ....it made me hunger for that elusive win........winning in my own life is extremely important......
i seem to measure my self worth with my successes.....a bad assignment can be a blow to my ego and one that will take time to heal ........
so where is the connecting link??
what similarity joins the revered words of Shakespeare and a 21st ecntury movie into one blog?????
i suppose its oddly about Ambition.....Iago's 'evil' one which was recognized as the ultimate 'new' one at his time and highly respected....
now mould that with OUR conception of success and ambition.....
excellence in sports in collaboration with heavy doses of patriotism is seen as positive......
Each generation finds new values to respect.....desire....achieve
this conception changes frequently
the reasons for this are many...
our history is inextricably linked with change
what happened one thousand years ago has made a difference to our lives....
whether we are aware of it or not...
ignorance is the greatest killer
if you know not who your are or why you are so
you have not any right to judge others for then you know not what made them or even who they are
deciding what you want is one of the hardest things
because you're never really sure of how much you can sacrifice
how unselfish you really are
never truly certain about how much you can give before you want something back...
following the theory of Predestination is neither intelligent nor practical in todays world.....the philosophy of karma is not obsolete but has to be one that is practiced while tryin to do 'better'.....
'better' may be financially emotionally or study oriented.........
sometimes in all three even....
many opportunities present themselves to us...
to perhaps discover and surprise ourselves...
we may bend......or break.....
each time we know ourselves a little bit more.....
we come closer to staring at our limits
and if all goes well....
one day we will truly realize
limits are only those that we set for ourselves
boundaries are man made
the deepest crevice can be crawled out of
despair can only try our patience...
there is no place the light of God cant shine
and no matter how low we fall.....
its never too late to make a fresh start
Faith, i hope we realize, is the most important thing
and Belief that it will surely be All Right...
Fear not ambition
Have faith today
what you dream now
will be a reality
someday.....
perspective may change
the idea of success vary
but when failure you refuse to accept
never shall your heart be heavy
when you think your in pain
and appear words in your mind many
take a look at life
and its marvels plenty...
bow not your head
feel shame nay
for you are special
i give thee premission
believe that you May!!!!
laugh with the world and see it for what it is......
dont hide your head in the sand,
you deserve everything good.........so dream it.......work for it...
and get it!
love!
muahhhsss!!!!!!
Monday, September 3, 2007
Rediscovering the Known...:)
i presume that we're all familiar with atleast one moralistic story....personally i'd always loved the concept of good winning over evil.....or rather naughty yet good winning over disguised sinful temptation!!....
i just happened to remember one of my Blyton favourites....the one where she talks about the moth/butterfly needing the struggle while coming out of her chrysalis......n if she is helped out then she will remain weak for life.....as the struggle to worm her way out is supposed to make her wings strong enough to face the world.....
so what initially looked like unkindness on the part of God to serve her such a fate.....that was actually (n in its most preachy form) 'for her own good'.....
what i think im tryin to repeat (as generations of better versed people have already remarked) is that whatever happens to us is because of a need....
sometimes it takes many years to recognize that need....in fact, it may even remain inexplicable for always....but just because we dont see something .....doesnt mean its not there......
all of us go through trying circumstances......if we choose the 'easy' way out.....we may actually be harming ourselves
life is neither long nor short.....its just 'right'......
many people baffle me....i wonder why they behave a certain way......
when i pondered to my philosophical hearts content...many a times, i accept defeat and surrender to simply not knowing......
for 'it takes one to know one'.....and despite my best efforts in maintaining various personalities......i am unable to force my way into everyones shoes....
there has been a rough patch.....its been a scratchy painful climb.....
with the kind of pain that isnt overtly insolent.....its the kind that thuds quietly in your veins and shouts at some inconvenient time.....as consistant as your pulse and as certain as the sunrise.....
now if i choose to view my own individual reality in this perspective......i will suffer from optimism.....hope will slowly fill my senses and invade my mind....it will comfortably amble forward with its best friend, dreams.
it will also beckon ambition, pride, enthusiasm and perhaps even call upon some obstancles.....obstancles to contain my panting breath as i will have definetly broken into a run.......from the shuffling unsteady feet......i will surely want to fly......
this is the power of optimism.......it makes you believe you can conquer the world......but it also brings with it a sharp bite of reality....the whiff of the raw desire to win at any cost......
what it will not bring.....but what it will need, is a rein......a rein of courage that knows when to stop and also one that can be flashed to proceed.....
unwittingly i dipped into the fountain that is a small yet miniscule part of my being.....yet, i dont feel exposed......
i feel content......
lots of love!
muahhhss!!!!!!!!
i just happened to remember one of my Blyton favourites....the one where she talks about the moth/butterfly needing the struggle while coming out of her chrysalis......n if she is helped out then she will remain weak for life.....as the struggle to worm her way out is supposed to make her wings strong enough to face the world.....
so what initially looked like unkindness on the part of God to serve her such a fate.....that was actually (n in its most preachy form) 'for her own good'.....
what i think im tryin to repeat (as generations of better versed people have already remarked) is that whatever happens to us is because of a need....
sometimes it takes many years to recognize that need....in fact, it may even remain inexplicable for always....but just because we dont see something .....doesnt mean its not there......
all of us go through trying circumstances......if we choose the 'easy' way out.....we may actually be harming ourselves
life is neither long nor short.....its just 'right'......
many people baffle me....i wonder why they behave a certain way......
when i pondered to my philosophical hearts content...many a times, i accept defeat and surrender to simply not knowing......
for 'it takes one to know one'.....and despite my best efforts in maintaining various personalities......i am unable to force my way into everyones shoes....
there has been a rough patch.....its been a scratchy painful climb.....
with the kind of pain that isnt overtly insolent.....its the kind that thuds quietly in your veins and shouts at some inconvenient time.....as consistant as your pulse and as certain as the sunrise.....
now if i choose to view my own individual reality in this perspective......i will suffer from optimism.....hope will slowly fill my senses and invade my mind....it will comfortably amble forward with its best friend, dreams.
it will also beckon ambition, pride, enthusiasm and perhaps even call upon some obstancles.....obstancles to contain my panting breath as i will have definetly broken into a run.......from the shuffling unsteady feet......i will surely want to fly......
this is the power of optimism.......it makes you believe you can conquer the world......but it also brings with it a sharp bite of reality....the whiff of the raw desire to win at any cost......
what it will not bring.....but what it will need, is a rein......a rein of courage that knows when to stop and also one that can be flashed to proceed.....
unwittingly i dipped into the fountain that is a small yet miniscule part of my being.....yet, i dont feel exposed......
i feel content......
lots of love!
muahhhss!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Homer-Iliad
A big "Ha!" to all those who thought this would be yet another blog entry dripping with details of my life!....
You sure are gonna be disappointed so i suggest you drown your sorrows in the nearest vodka shot....or if your not at some sleazy pub.....ur nearest diet coke....(thtz d closest i come to drinks.....by choice i may point out..lol)
cause im here to talk about.....Homer.......(shocked gasps all around....wonder what gave me away??....*thinking*......it COULD be the title ofcourse....but thats too obvious to be true....sighhh...sometimes my obsession with over thinking gets too much even for me!!!)
So what about this Classical Writer-for the uninformed im sayin classical cuz hez part of the classical course and im to lazy to wiki (instead of google.....duhh!....stay wit da new lingo ppl!!!) wich century he wrote in.....i know its disgraceful but hey! i dont judge me!
well....atleast not too harshly!.........*smirk*
Alrigh...to save my fragile dignity (mind ur own business bout the 'fragile'...!!!)...i'll tell u he wz a greek writer in the 7th and 8th century BC....
Why im talking about him.....is simply cause ive been reading him today.....though not at sexually explicit as Euripides (have u READ lysistrata??......its like freakin soft po*n of 480 BC!!!...scandalous and still predictably funny.....it gives u a real taste of feminism to know that concepts like denying sex to stop the war were thought of at the time!!!...obviously i adored it!....hurrah for feminism!..:)... )
So how exactly IS Homer???....well.....ive managed to scrape my way through 4 books.......or cantons.....now some 20 remain....that and the fact that ive been calculating my daily read-rate should tell you that its not exactly like Archies!!!.....a lil on the heavy side but simply because there are 250 characters....out of which, it seems like, ive been introduced to the first 15000!!!.......lol.....
But it seriously isnt a laughing matter.....i have no idea how ill remember them all by the end of the year......n it remains best if i dont start with Faustus and the other 40 inexplicables!!!
if someone tells you eng hons is easy.....show them to me.....
n ill daintily knock there teeth in!!!>....gentle does the trick!!!!!!.....
(a lady should always have weapons....even if they're the new motorazr knifey thing that they've been advertising like crazy lately!!!!!!!)
Ive drifted off topic.....(as regular practice almost ensured!!!).....but i now accept it as one of life's most integral flaws........did i mention i love sprouting nonsense??....sighhh......its like mothers milk to me..
kinda a gross statement but i find it acceptable cuz i read it in a book i love.....odd how accepting we become when it comes to something we care about......
Not delving too deeply in my personal life.......i will tactfully shift the topic to Homer and hope that i learn to revere his words like i do Tamora's or well.......lets just leave it at 'or' and be all mysterious!
As far as Life goes.......blogging seems to be a battle between the brain which regulates and censors (tries to) what comes out of my typing.....and what i can only presume to be a very obstinate heart who wants to spill out my feelings in an irrational silly blobbery (spellcheck tells me blubbery but what does IT know??)nonsensical muddle.....silly a**.......*patronizing eye roll*....
anyway........toodles for now....
will share my literary struggles as and when they come!
a silly hand wavy thing to all!
cya next time!..........:)
You sure are gonna be disappointed so i suggest you drown your sorrows in the nearest vodka shot....or if your not at some sleazy pub.....ur nearest diet coke....(thtz d closest i come to drinks.....by choice i may point out..lol)
cause im here to talk about.....Homer.......(shocked gasps all around....wonder what gave me away??....*thinking*......it COULD be the title ofcourse....but thats too obvious to be true....sighhh...sometimes my obsession with over thinking gets too much even for me!!!)
So what about this Classical Writer-for the uninformed im sayin classical cuz hez part of the classical course and im to lazy to wiki (instead of google.....duhh!....stay wit da new lingo ppl!!!) wich century he wrote in.....i know its disgraceful but hey! i dont judge me!
well....atleast not too harshly!.........*smirk*
Alrigh...to save my fragile dignity (mind ur own business bout the 'fragile'...!!!)...i'll tell u he wz a greek writer in the 7th and 8th century BC....
Why im talking about him.....is simply cause ive been reading him today.....though not at sexually explicit as Euripides (have u READ lysistrata??......its like freakin soft po*n of 480 BC!!!...scandalous and still predictably funny.....it gives u a real taste of feminism to know that concepts like denying sex to stop the war were thought of at the time!!!...obviously i adored it!....hurrah for feminism!..:)... )
So how exactly IS Homer???....well.....ive managed to scrape my way through 4 books.......or cantons.....now some 20 remain....that and the fact that ive been calculating my daily read-rate should tell you that its not exactly like Archies!!!.....a lil on the heavy side but simply because there are 250 characters....out of which, it seems like, ive been introduced to the first 15000!!!.......lol.....
But it seriously isnt a laughing matter.....i have no idea how ill remember them all by the end of the year......n it remains best if i dont start with Faustus and the other 40 inexplicables!!!
if someone tells you eng hons is easy.....show them to me.....
n ill daintily knock there teeth in!!!>....gentle does the trick!!!!!!.....
(a lady should always have weapons....even if they're the new motorazr knifey thing that they've been advertising like crazy lately!!!!!!!)
Ive drifted off topic.....(as regular practice almost ensured!!!).....but i now accept it as one of life's most integral flaws........did i mention i love sprouting nonsense??....sighhh......its like mothers milk to me..
kinda a gross statement but i find it acceptable cuz i read it in a book i love.....odd how accepting we become when it comes to something we care about......
Not delving too deeply in my personal life.......i will tactfully shift the topic to Homer and hope that i learn to revere his words like i do Tamora's or well.......lets just leave it at 'or' and be all mysterious!
As far as Life goes.......blogging seems to be a battle between the brain which regulates and censors (tries to) what comes out of my typing.....and what i can only presume to be a very obstinate heart who wants to spill out my feelings in an irrational silly blobbery (spellcheck tells me blubbery but what does IT know??)nonsensical muddle.....silly a**.......*patronizing eye roll*....
anyway........toodles for now....
will share my literary struggles as and when they come!
a silly hand wavy thing to all!
cya next time!..........:)
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
The Year Begins
Renaissance-Possibly the most discussed and least researched word this past month. Being the background and the foundation for this year....i know its harassment has just begun. Even after i spent humongous amounts of time (say 2 mins) staring at the word....nothing came to me.
No feeling of enlightnment ... no flash of light which miraculously filled me with knowledge. Perhaps i took the easy way out. But those library books, devoted to this word, were just too intimidating to open up and pursue....sighhh!
Somehow i just KNOW its going to be a very very long year!
so cheers to life and well.....to misery too!
for one can't do without the other!......
(ha! cynicism at the very beginning of the year.....i sense
a lot of philosophy will come tumbling out!!!!......)
a lot of unvarnished affection!
tata!.....:)
No feeling of enlightnment ... no flash of light which miraculously filled me with knowledge. Perhaps i took the easy way out. But those library books, devoted to this word, were just too intimidating to open up and pursue....sighhh!
Somehow i just KNOW its going to be a very very long year!
so cheers to life and well.....to misery too!
for one can't do without the other!......
(ha! cynicism at the very beginning of the year.....i sense
a lot of philosophy will come tumbling out!!!!......)
a lot of unvarnished affection!
tata!.....:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)