the Strange silence of you

It's a little odd "posting" here now... It's a strange no-man's-land wherein there is a (presumed) audience... but the silence is a little disconcerting.

because either the ink can fly freely across the page in the quiet comfort of no one reading it's musings. Or can compose itself into a lightly defined lines while keeping up a healthy interaction and trading anecdotes of lives which would otherwise have never connected...

but here it's just.. Strange. I'm talking to you, the big old internet world, and you choose to keep mum.
Maybe I can find a greener pasture... :) another space to call "my Own"

let time reveal :)

of Today and this moment

my desktop picture, as of last night.. is of a tiger basking in the falling autumn leaves.. as he frolics in the garden. he is stretched out and on his back, in joy... and the grass is more than peppered with tiny white flowers in full bloom...
he is happy and fierce...
but fierce is the undertone.. he Is fierce.. but at the moment he is happy...

as of today and this moment I'm glad i chanced upon this picture and embraced its existence...
he is what i want to be today..
happy in the grass (grace) and fierce always remains unspoken but perfectly understood..

#ifwisheswerehorses

Hello there, 2017!

Another year has swept past us all.. in a whirlwind romance with the sun, the Earth has decided to quicken its journey this last year.. it seems like. you're going in circles my love... but she listens to no one.

And we can feel the time ticking faster.. but no rationale can explain it.

Facebook took it upon its electronic AI self to announce i had graduated.
Not.Quite.Yet.

That day i shall celebrate with bubbly. bubbling diet coke of course.
because drinks has somehow never done it for me.
when i say it, and repeat it often i do, i am faced with quizzical expressions.
what Does do it? they ask silents.
nothing really i answer verbally... i prefer to let my high be unrestrained by alcohol.
i prefer to be naturally high.
they probably think thats me alluding to weed. giggles.

never went down that road either.
too much of a caution-ist i guess... can't depend on my attachment issues.
too attached to all the unhealthy junk without adding any "high"s to the list.

All is ok and well but, like Facebook, i need to focus on my graduating!

THIS YEAR IS IT.
RESOLUTION ESTABLISHED

2017 my graduation cap awaits!! :D

Happy New Year and New Resolutions!

Twinkling memories

Post celebrating the Birthday of the loved one.. a trip was immediately planned for that night.
ofcourse impossible for me with the next few days planned solid and stretching at the seams with my ridiculous attempts to squeeze more time out of every hour. ok i exaggerate, mildly.
but they were sadly planned and packed... my days that is. while my loved ones were literally planned and semi-packed to take off into the wild night on a bouncy bus.

why bouncy you ask?
Experience.
an experience to be precise. one that was swaying far beyond the reach of planned college trips.
it exists in a limbo.. at a time when i was completely responsibility-free :D.. full of young-adult enthusiasm... but naturally wrapped in the familiar need-for-security that made me lug my backpack (and sanitiser) with me at every pit stop till we reached the end of our *very long* 11 hour bus ride..
we had the worst seats. literally.
well maybe the top of the bus would have been worse but there were no seats there. so...
3 of us cushioned together and eagerly waiting for the 2 young guys next to us to walk up front for 5 minute smoke-breaks so we could immediately expand into their seats for blissful catnaps.
so uncomfortable. so deeeeeply uncomfortable. and yet, the most fun friend-trip ever.
we trekked up an unknown hill... reached an unfathomably beautiful waterfall..
immediately escaped from our sneakers and jumped into the bone chilling water...
the photos captured are extremely unflattering but the most honest ever... happy excited bursting-with-joy faces...

i always look back on this trip with a smile specially reserved for loved ones with whom you simply cannot explain the relationship... whatatrip! so as i see beaaaautiful pictures of the trip possibly currently still on... a part of me is with them. in a way indescribable.. i too am watching the night sky littered with hundreds of glittering stars..

How swiftly time does fly...

As usual time is impressing me by its ability to swiftly take me from august to november..
from november to march and march to now... but those are reminisces of a personal nature..
and here.. on this sort-of-public blog.. they are only brief narrations.

for those mildly interested.. I have started maintaining, on my phone, various expressions of what i Really want to say/type... but due to many many many reasons.. i don't permit them a voice.
so screech they must.. and screech they do in ink.

and no ugly scrawl.. just various thoughts that come from drastically new experiences.
you know? the very fundamental purpose of a blog?

anyway...
HAPPY DAY OF BIRTH to one SPECIAL ONE!!!
May your days be filled with joy, just like your very being!!
kisses and all that.. more has been expressed and will continue to be expressed personally but it seemed okay to allow myself this little yelp of excitement !!
I've known her how long now? 10 wonderful years!
filled with joy, petulance, love, friendship and a very worthy shoulder.. a true shoulder <3 p="">how precious these friendships become as we age and they too evolve!

because we change.. as new experiences beckon us... and with some associations we find that we no longer swim on the same wavelength.. we are bobbing too far from each other to "connect" the "same way" anymore... some of these happen in a very drastic incident that reveals that we're very different "suddenly" from who we were... but we didn't change overnight.. it was small steps in different directions or one staying in the same place that usually does it...
I've heard so many acquaintances now lament at the loss of a precious aged girl-friendship... all the more precious because of the many memories built together on a foundation of youth, joy and laughter that it hurts when they fall apart (more so dramatically in one swipe)... no one seems to be immune to it.. its nice when one can re-connect and be amiable but for that moment a special configuration of personal experiences have to come about mysteriously to both in order to let that happen.. and it does happen to some with some for some and its lovely when it does.. theres a sigh of relief and a true feeling of goodwill..

Goodwill.. something i have recently recognized as precious.. not for any material gain but the peace is gives to the experiencer and the one for whom it is felt (presumably :))
to feel it is a gift... in itself.. from us to us..
to receive it.. is also a gift.. another one to be thankful to the Universe for..
because you (or i) may have 100's of "friends" on Facebook or "followers" on instagram.. or i don't know "buddies?" on some other still-to-be-discovered site, but how many genuinely wish you well?
how many extend beyond the apathetic "like" to care how you are.. feel.. what you need and how they can help?
maybe a handful among the 20 odd actually in your current social circle?

and this feeling of wishing-well need not be limited to only those you are currently socially connected to.. it expands to those who, at some point, brought joy to your life or a smile on your face... essentially it does come back to us :) all the more precious when something has been resolved..
resolution is powerful, cathartic... allowing more peace into our life..

as always.. deeply apologetic for any pain caused at any time to anyone.. intentionally or not..
wishing well.. and not holding on to anything that may have been caused to me intentionally or not..
<3 p="">lots of love and in celebration of a Special One and Special moments of togetherness
May peace be experienced by us All <<3>
To True Freedom (imaginary toast raised :))

When did you begin?...

Where do I start? Where is there really a 'beginning' anyway... ?

it isn't just about the physical birth, or the day of firsts even.. no longer the first day of school, or change of schools or even college... these are all included..
but where else do we face that beginning?

in the less obvious ways?
in the intangible ways.

in the ways we didn't realize would shape our life.. and years later we look back at that moment..
the place we were in ... the decision to be there... the thought behind why we chose to go
and we take a breath and just say "wow".. what a web life weaves while we think we're busy
designing the course of our life..
and we are.. we Do decide.. so many things.. in so many ways..
but occasionally we see a glimpse of a helping hand in the pattern of our own existence..
and to those beautiful gifts.. we say "wow"

in memory of eternally-special moments..
i remember the context.. bated breath.
blogging incessantly about my lime green backpack and ready to soar out into the world.
discover the truth for myself.
hesitating because of the body i was put in, vulnerable. sensible to the practicalities.
but ready... ready to soar. in silent bated breath for a miracle.
and so it happened.. a chance taken.. and what a gift received in return.
a "talk". a "talk" that propelled me into a journey of awareness into my past, present and future.
that "changing life" is too often used... but what do you say when multiple lives are changed...
and all our own?

what do you say when you are changed for always... and your change has the potential to reverberate into past and future lives.. what do you say? when you're holding the opportunity in your very hands.. today. and each day forward.

thats what was my true beginning.. in so many ways.
What about yours?

Some more to look(Read) back on

Sometimes I forget if I'm 27 or 28... which is obviously a huge sign of age catching up and I must naturally, then, be 28..
which I used to feel is young.. at least a year ago...
but now experientially feels old..
How do you all do it?

club hopping
bar swirling
drinking
drinking and waking up the next day operational?

Since I do literally none-of-the-above.. the only thing I'm doing is skipping..
skipping past it all... and much-the-lighter-for-it.
Occasionally one is shoved out and insisting loving voices say a "good time" must be had..
but I have always been very-middle-aged in my taste... ever since I started growing up and realising what exactly I did appreciate..

soups.books.rain.the sea.and music. and dance.. and dancing to good music with better friends :)
which was great in the 18-28 era.
and still is.

only now books are either Academic or pure vacation bliss...
dancing is those incorrigible sitting-moves in much-too-jazzy restaurants
and of course.. the big one.. Weddings :)
and the heartwarming friends are met over cosy coffee dates..
the precious times continue but life is different now..
Effort must be made to build up from the present what we wish to nourish in the future...
Effort, I have realised, is needed in just about everything worthwhile..
and much is left to learn... but steps are being plodded..
and it will all be worth very-much-while ..
because more than what one has.. is who one is and who one aspires to become...

Intent + Effort = Magic... or Karma.. your pick :)

love to all on their own aspirational journeys..
towards painting our own futures :)
and Happy Wedding Day to All the Excited Brides
Best Wishes!