2018

It Is still 2018 right ? It hasn't gone by already? Like those strange individuals at gatherings who wish you "hi, and bye" in the same totally-not-awkward hug?

Having just come back from much warmer lands, besides appreciating Delhi winters I have realised the annual "Hello" blog was missing.. much much regret and all that. Munchkin of my heart is now 4 months and counting 💕 There isn't a bright enough heart icon to express how I feel. Excited about the pending Mami time 😍

Beyond loving the cold, I believe this year will whizz past at much greater speed and the milestones I suspect will revolve around the littlest precious one...


And of course this blog was interrupted for a large number of days.. but here we are again.. whizzed into the future. Which sounds like someone releasing bodily fluids into the breeze but I didn't mean that of course. Of course.

This exact present moment is a heady cocktail of feeling tired, yet happy, and enjoying the unnatural sweetness of the gum I really shouldn't be munching on.
Looking forward to the Sunday-ness ahead... adding to the list... I love lazy Sundays 😍

Also wondering casually what on earth has happened to the general public. Many people seem to be acting completely bonkers. Which is cause for more than mild concern. Choosing when to call it out and when to let it pass. Still can't understand though.. bonkers is the new black it seems.
Didyagetit?

The (nearly) Thirty

So it's officially *that* time of the decade when I list all the wonderful things that I currently find wonderful .. as a sort of one-day-nostalgic post for (hopefully)much smarter future me ...
thus

Things I love (still)
-Maggie
-completely sugary 24/7 cold coffee
-pasta momos (reluctantly and sporadically kept on ONE menu in delhi.. that I know of)
-hot tea

This should seriously have been renamed things I love to eat ..

Things I love (besides food)

-silly books
-funny books
-sci fi books
-thriller-conspiracy theory books
-airplane time where I can devour all of the above (Guilt Free)
-pre flight lounge time when I can continue to devour any kind of ridiculous book
-sudoku books

Favourite (?) Favourites

- nostalgic trips back to college with the girls
- sleepovers with the fafa's .. much much 💖
- coffee meetings 😘
- designated survivor time
- survivor time
-lazy afternoons petting toots
- sleep mode (the guiltiest pleasure still)
And more because the umbrella of "favourites" is just too large
*ThankYouGod*

It's been an incredible last few decades of this memory bank ie. "me"
But the last of course has been the most life changing for the years to come

On that note welcoming two little pumpkin poppets that have changed my
Status from adult to full-fledged Mami and Bua 💖💖💖
Love you cookies !!

Tiny little cookie .. how you've made me grow up!! 😘😘😘
All the love ... always 💖💖💖

Re-cover-ing

So Since the most precious gift on Earth that we can give ourselves is Peace of Mind. I have recovered mine and dismissed expectations from the larger social-mileau because it is a waste of time, breath and precious peace.

Moving on... <3 p="">

The Second Quarter is Here... Hello You!

Sometimes the one thing that calms me down is the sound of my fingers tapping away on the keyboard.
It brings closer the comfort of the past. Warm memories filled with earnest efforts to put into words the multitudes of thoughts flooding my mind. When activity was mostly mental, except of course the prancing on stage and the stomping on dusty streets... with voices loud, demanding attention to many social injustices.
but mostly mental, still. When reading a book wasn't a holiday luxury, it was the everyday reality that ensconced nearly all experiences... academic reading, pleasure reading, reading at a coffee shop, meeting at a bookstore, reading-while-waiting-for-friends... reading reading reading. hoping to understand life through words.

that was the first quarter of life.. the childhood if i may.

now I find myself definitely knees-deep in the second quarter.. higher number on the age-scale, more comfort, luxury but decidedly less time to wallow in imaginary lands... so sometimes I miss the invisible much-taken-for-granted-luxury of irrelevant typing.. of escape into words. for now is the time to "live", to bustle, to run, to reach for the stars, rather... to work on the ladder to reach the stars... to lay the foundation so deep that the ladder is firmly buried into the Earth... to sustain the weight of all who will climb to the stars... and roots are almost always invisible.
To the second quarter I raise a not-so-leisurely-glass of room-temperature water.
no more diet coke, consequences begin to manifest post 30... sugar from here on now.

So here we go, fellow travellers, living beings and all creatures capable of reading this.
A toast to finding ourselves very much in the next "phase"...
the space for roots.
To roots
To effort
To patience and shutting up that lazy voice!
To the nearly 30's!

May we stay focused, driven, positive and patient.
Love

Privilege

Everyone has pet-peeves.. My sister realised she didn't like the toothpaste tube squeezed from the middle ...

I, on the other hand, discovered I am completely p*****-off by female patriarchs...
Especially when women-of-our-age/generation/academic upbringing Choose to lambast other women for pointing out the unequal opportunities given to women in society ...

more than men, I feel we're collectively anchored down by women who would rather be part of the "boys club" rather than stand up for the (current) truth

because being part of the "boys club" means being on the receiving end of nearly universal applause and popularity .. Such a great girl, not like those hysterical feminazis... Raking up an issue without merit .. Pointing out inequalities in the system .. How ridiculous! Who has Time for such uncomfortable facts? Let's celebrate our privilege and applaud her for pulling another woman down

As usual, disappointed.

my Ode to the Sea

like I've already enthused.. the sea has a very special place in my heart-mind combination
worthy of many heart-icons... and definitely an ode.

the pictures have been captured off of google... no claims of "mine".. but don't they make you feel so light inside?

as though the potential of the Universe is spread in front of you... and you are just a grain of sand on the beach... nearly invisible, yet part of this vastness

how important we think we are.. our thoughts, emotions, decisions, love life even... our lives.
yet we will one day be just a memory in the minds of a few... till they too are a memory...
and then our mind carries on in another form to learn new lessons, holding on to the old hopefully...

this human form that we value so much.. our aspiration and dreams... are but shifting sand... melting out of time's hands... yet to open our eyes to the infinite width of the Divine's creations... the expansion beyond the potential of the physical eyes... the compassion to soak in all our emotions... absorb and transmute... cleanse us of our heaviness so we experience our lightness in its healing embrace... we love you sea, my heart declares... my heart, my mind and me...


i remember one experience of clearly realising the love experienced... thailand with family, but a trip with new friends actually.. after jet skiing off the waves, falling from the banana boat.. a pair of inappropriately torn shorts later (can they ever be appropriately torn?)... i sat in the sea holding on to their bobbing rope on the side... declaring to us, seaward-bound, till what point it was safe to paddle in.. i chose to hold on and as the sea pulled me in i remember telling myself 'don't forget this moment'... there are a few moments in life that you have to tell yourself.. don't forget this.. remember how you are feeling in this exact moment.. this moment will slip away but let this memory remain... and source from this the strength to face all the other moments that may not be as heavenly...

kisses to the sea from too-far-away... i wish we were as close in body as we are in mind .. 

the list

When the things "to do" stretch beyond three pages, loosely typed, and branch out into diverse aspects cushioned in each particular stop... what do you do?

Well, I, search for a way online to do one small bullet point ...

do we ever get points for trying?

excuse the less-than-sunny tone... its one of those contemplative days.
ho hum. managed one point now. realised it was moot post following through. like i said, its one of those days.

i love the privilege of being able to indulge verbally into this vacuum of virtual space. where ink and thoughts are sucked in, momentarily glimpsed by some... or maybe ignored by all as we continue to click on virtual-to-'real' purchases.

gamble. sometimes choices are just gambles disguised as decisions. thats why i tell near and dear ones to be as thorough as possible. practicality is heavily underrated, much like dancing around trees much much overrated. although i guess i would have to actually circle the tree to make an accurate assessment.. but it seems like more work than play. although swings in parks are underrated. swings are great.

childhood was great, if only we all didn't constantly yearn to 'grow up'... but to be fair, we were seduced. by the promise of what adulthood would bring. choices, freedom, later bed timings and the possibility of sleeping past 9! (joy was anticipated)... responsibilities and a job translated to glamorous freedom... no answerability (at least less answerability)... freedom only visualised as a picking up of the jhola and striding off into the world... brimming with enthusiasm, pulled by the possibility of a wonderful, successful, enterprising day..

you don't get gold stars for meeting your deadlines... i recently told a friend PMS is not really a "post" thing.. its pre, post, during.. it pretty much strikes whenever the h*** it wants.. its a state that is. an isness of inhabiting a woman's body and holding its hormones. its when things that are normally shrugged at, make you a little teary eyed. its a hormonal vulnerability that craves soup, sleep, silence, and warmth. it can strike at any time of the month, completely unrelated to the cycle of the egg... i feel like i should have given a *woman feelings* disclaimer before this spilled out. but what to do? sometimes a wave catches you unaware.. and all you can do is try and not swallow that salt water... i love the sea... i really really do..
i feel like the sea is where i am at home... embraced by the larger ocean body...
my most favourite-est :) recent happy memory is of the girl-trip to goa.. we were at the beach, our last evening... and i sat in the sea for over an hour... and we watched the sun set over an impossibly long time.. the sky turned yellow-orange-pink and a kaleidoscope of orange and reds... for the longest longest hour... and as the waves washed over me... happily submerged... feeling the pull of the sea.. washing over and pulling out of me.. we sat, some stood, some *very much with baby within* were at the cafe, but in the security of the "us"... we watched the sun dance out of view of where we were on Earth... the sea is my always-love.. the sea is that embrace, whose mere memory, can even make PMS fall back into the great distance...

if i haven't said it enough... i love the sea

from where we started to where we are now.. but that's life. that is just it.