The Good Egg

So if anyone remembers I used to operate out of a different url. Throughout my late teens to the very verbose 20’s and .. to the much quieter 30’s. 

At some point I had a wonderful cathartic thought to change my url and regain some semblance of virtual privacy to ramble on. Well, the url changed and so did the urge to ramble. 

I didn’t think much of it until someone else decided to co-opt my original url. No problem I thought. Until I realised that my past identity was still affixed to this new person. Because every comment I had made on the blogs of other people linked back to this new person with my original url. Oops. 

Too much power in the hands of a stranger to misrepresent me. But well, life goes on and into each life some rain much fall. Ignoring this drizzle I moved on, but found myself curious- what did this new person wish to communicate with the world under my old banner. And the answer was Nothing. Someone had taken it to take it and not written a single word. 

Hmm. Less easy to digest that something has been plucked out of my reach only to serve no purpose other than plucking. Like cooking a delicious meal and not eating it. Sad. 

Anyway in the face of this mild irritant one moves on and forgets- temporarily. Until a random search told me this individual had finally deleted their blog (and url) which meant I should have the option of picking it up after 90 days.

Alas, not true. When a blog is removed the url gets put back in circulation- when a blog is deleted the url is also permanently deleted with it. And now my url is permanently out of reach. The cookie has crumbled. The eggs have been broken. The omelette has been made. And we must forge on. Forging on and ahead. Remembering Bertie Wooster and thinking about what it means to be a truly Good Egg. That version of me is out of reach but the future waits to be written and acted upon. 

To many more attempts at betterment and hopefully much wiser decisions.

Reading List

 Haha. I jest.

Dimsum days

 I woke up feeling particularly… tickled. 

So yesterday was a bit of a chaotic one and we ended up not going where the plans were supposedly leading us. 

In typical fashion, a series of domino effects led to… change. 

God IS kind. In Shukrana to the Divine. That doesn’t automatically mean that days are easy or that times are easy.

It means that God IS kind and I’m thankful from the deepest Essence of me. Whatever that is. 😊

Things aren’t what was planned and there are days I internally have to make myself okay with that. Also, this is what reveals one’s own character to one’s own self right? What am i made of? Besides years of generous helpings of pao bhaji and soup. I told you. I feel tickled today. 

If it helps, I’m also made of moderate helpings of lettuce and sundried tomatoes. Teehee. 

I’ve read adversity builds character, it also reveals it. And writing makes you think about it. 

Maybe the fact that I’ve found this sliver of time and the impulse to write here is a little rainbow-Esque. 

And it’s not always linear in life. You don’t wake up each day methodically feeling stronger than you were yesterday. Sometimes you realise that you’re not as strong as you thought you were. Sometimes resolutions are harder to fulfil as the days go by. When I was younger I thought I had the answers learnt. I had access to the answers and I only had to live them. Easy peasy, right?

I know Grace is the nucleus, the Sun. The light permeating all and the cause that there Is an all. Sometimes the pettiness of my desires clouds my mind. I’m trying to be a better me as I remember the Divine Grace. This is my rainbow. Shining bright. 

mental treks

 (some) 2 second answers from the one taking one-too-many-breaks

• seems Face ID doesn't become ineffective because it keeps collecting data each time it's used and acclimating to the changing features that come with weight fluctuations. Interesting. 
• hard to keep track of the source of the best, most snug, mask. 
• yes, Delhi Delhi Delhi. in all its flawed, materialistic, crumbly, fast-paced, ambitious, chaotic mystery.
• i really don't need to buy that. but i need to buy something that gives the same (presumed) spectacular result at 1/10th the price. ideally.
• will i use it? yes. yes. yes. will i need it? yes. yes. yes.
• they never sent the runner.
• i would definitely be more efficient. 
• i stand by my statement.

the thing about "wish lists" is, they can probably never be fulfilled. probably. there is a plethora of industries dedicated to convincing us that we need something more. 

More.

more things. to wear, to eat, to carry, to pack inside. to acquire.

more things to see, to experience, to want to visit. 

more ways to change, our skin, hair, features, body parts... body size, colour, height...

and repeat.

there's no end to desire, until we control the part of us that does the desiring. 

because there's no end to what can be acquired, or what one can aspire to externally.

Literally, billionaires are now competing to go into outer space because acquiring (or the ability to acquire) every material possession possible on Earth has not satiated the insatiable part that wants more.

there is no end to it.

there is no end, until we put it on pause. at whichever stage, time, age we choose and say "enough".

that i will not be brainwashed into thinking that acquiring any thing will add to my happiness or peace of mind permanently. That no experience, lavish or otherwise, will be anything more than a memory.

so, what then?

It's not about abstaining from the available pleasures or opportunities to wear, eat, travel, or do anything that makes you feel good (albeit temporarily).

in my opinion, like everything above, it is the hankering for that something that is the cause of stress, worry, disruption of peace.

I don't know how a tongue-in-cheek response to my own meandering thoughts has segued into the above.

but it has. yet another mystery. 

Unexpected destinations

2 second thoughts fluttering past the landscape of a preoccupied mind

At what point of weight-change does the Face ID essentially become ineffective ?

Mask= Face ID fail, the fingerprint would be So much better. Context matters. 

Delhi Delhi Delhi

Do I really need to buy that? What does one actually need? Bit of a philosophical rabbit hole there...

How did I do that? How (re-reading this after 30 mins and why can’t I remember what I was referring to? Why?)

Maybe I’ll think of it like a belated birthday treat? But will I ever use it? Will I ever need it? 

Why can’t they send the runner? It’s been over a week!!

I would do that differently 

I have some answers and many more questions

Love can grow. Continue to bloom. Colouring memories with rosy brushstrokes, painting over the oscillating emotions and enhancing the indescribable joy of soul meeting soul. One in the body of man, another in the body of a dog. Soul meeting soul. Soul loving soul. Love can grow 

Privilege

Our "problems" can help identify what level of privilege we are operating out of. 

and maybe even 2 years ago, the vast difference between the haves and have-nots was still immense and primarily responsible for shoving the majority of mankind down a particular path- of varying levels of access to education, health, financial stability...

But now.

Now. 

there are no words I can casually spin for now.

Samay

This is not the time one would want to make a record of.

To those who are in unimaginable pain, I'm so sorry. my Prayers are with you.

Hoping the outer environment becomes safer, as well as the Peace of the inner environment is maintained.

To those who have the privilege of a safe home to be in, to protect yourself in, please don't take it for granted and flout social distancing. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Stay Safe everyone. As safe as possible.