The VERY First Time.

With so many 'firsts' yet to happen, its a mystery anything ever happens twice. Or even thrice. Its especially sad if its the same old mistake accidently stuck on 'repeat' mode. I could use a lot of fancy metaphors (distinctly recall using one about scraped knees on the same old rock) or i could just be honest. blunt. upfront. Oh screw it all. Balls to the world i say and turn away. Temper tantrum, very mature i know. *grimaces*

So now, i will tap and talk. Talk in the sense of ideas. But not be blunt. Cuz spelling everything out is driving me insane/up the wall/nuts/crazy... making me tired/exhausted/exasperated. I feel like im trapped in a weird world where i even need to offer alternatives for simple emotions.
Post-its. Yes, thats whats needed. Mini yellow(?) post-its. With ink on em. Scribbled words. Half baked promises. Urgent to-do lists. Post-its. Which Lisa Kudrow had once claimed to invent (Ronnie and Michelle' high school reunion something...look up star movie listings some 3-7 years ago to place it).......Thats the solution to all of lifes mini problems. Post-its.

Sing it out loud. Embrace not knowing what to believe in and then, believe in that.
Violet Flame. White Light. Yogic Asanas. Your own controted vision of faith. A rock, a clay figure, a framed picture. Faith Faith Faith. Just one of those days. Only, its been nearly a month and no diagnosis. There is none. *pulls glum face* What to leave and what not to. So tough. Bloody crumbs. A fraction of what i need to know. *thinks...or tries to...pretends to?....thinks of thinking* ah.

Have hit upon it. Its one of those moments in a tragicomedy where you've hit the dumps and cant sink any lower. When the audience winces as the world comes crashing down. Or maybe its morale failure. Oops say the doctors as they see it plummeting. The doctor takes off glasses and begins to clean them with a white scrap of fabric.

"we tried our very best to pull it out of the danger zone but our medicines dont seem to be working..as..uhh..planned...but my Hawaii vacation is, so if you'll excuse me" Doctor moves off stage.

Cue for actress to slump next to wall and crumple into a unrecognizable heap. Preferably with a whine of suppressed emotions or better yet, a wail. Pressure-to-perform killed actresses natural talent, mourns world. Oho. Now everyone is low. Oho. Oho. Oho. *indian twang, preferably stereotypical*

Now what? asks Director.
Arre baba, this is life na. (says universe) dogs eat cookies (it adds)

"no disrespect and all" mumbles Director "but isnt it 'thats the way the cookie crumbles'..."
(Universe is silent)....
Awkward pause.
Then a flash of lightening electrocutes Director.

Note to Self- Universe does NOT like being corrected

Wow, the above made no sense at all.
*proud as a prune on a winter afternoon*
Go on world, spin circles round the sun (pun ) but i can make myself dizzy too. See. All is not lost.