The Blame Game- Sun Stands Accused

I blame the sun and hence light for all of this.

If there was no sun (light) there would be no life.

There would be no micro-organisms taking shape (as the theory of evolution suggests) and certainly no little creatures waddling about…of course no Adam or Eve (as the Bible propagates) and then no us since our initial parents wouldn’t exist (as the Bible continues to press)

There would be no pain or sorrow, no heartbreak or movies, no wide roads or messy cars

There would also be no sleepovers with 2 hours of sleep,
no rum and coke to toast your friends birthday to,
no comfortable mattresses to rest your behind on a cold winter night,
no music to sway to as the clock chimes a mournful 1 am,
no paneer rolls to munch on to ward off the nausea,
no wild speeches and groovi-er dance moves,
no cell phone videos to capture those pricelessly hilarious moments

There would be no next-morning shopping
No change in plans (as you’d rather walk home on a surprisingly sunny afternoon, and since you hate shopping anyway)
No sneakers to give you blisters
No headphones and no bollywood music
No Bollywood
No you buying your mum a book she really wants to read

No judgments, no opinions
No classifications at first glance
But also no friends who have your back
(and will scratch those who stab yours)

No moments when you hate everyone
(cuz they s*** and lie and are not good people)
But also no moments when you care about people other than you

No sense of nostalgia for the past, No living in the past
But also no happy memories to giggle over
(or smile serenely,whatever ones style)

No tears, no anger, no negativity at all
But also no scope to shape something positive
No initiative or learning
No joy,
No cosy talks till quarter to 6 in the morning

No calling friends at 1 am (just a LIL high)
No gabbing on the phone for hours and threshing out life plans
No 60.000 minutes spent, later, convincing the world that you in fact are totally not hung over
No diamonds to admire
No filth to despise

I don’t know how scientifically accurate this all is…
I shall continue to believe, that sun(light) is to blame

This same light that can shine upon the water and liven up the ripples
the same can brighten up reality and make it impossibly hard to evade
Like the fire in Frankenstein, it has in it the potential to destroy and also, Create

Hey You Sun there, the jury' out trying to figure out the verdict…
Till then, I shall get myself a snack
(or maybe sleep a little)

Ps- Kansha Happy Birthday again, thank you so much for everything
And just so it’s VERY clear, you are loved MUCH! (hah, awkward phrasing)
(and yes, the sleepover was beyond perfect!) :D

*Warmest Hug*

(Pps- Faith in certain spheres has most certainly been used up/eroded/taken away, either time will replinish it...or i will live without the trick knee that makes me buckle each time. In fact, screw it... that faith is rejected and thrown into the garbage- Bloody enlightening Sunlight, leaves no scope for doubt)

Finally- A Worthy Quote

As we flip the calendar, we need to keep flipping our mind as well. Often, our diaries are full of memories. Ensure that you don't fill your future dates with past events. Learn and unlearn from the past, and move on.- Ravi Shankar Ji

(Couldn't come at a better time. Thank you)

To whom i owe enough.

When i was still a 'performing-member' of my dramsoc, this was something i had written for my character. Its partly inspired by what may have been Begum Jaans thoughts in 'Lihaf' (by Ismat Chughtai)... At least my interpretation of the situation as it was.

Scene- A couple is dancing together

She Thinks "What is love? Is it the first glance you cast on me? The moment i knew i simply had to be yours. Hoping to one day feel your slender fingers brushing away stray hair from my face. Is it the warmth of your breath at night that i treasure so deeply? Sometimes, when you're asleep i tell myself that you're dreaming of me. That's why that smile crosses your face, right? I thought marriage would be the perfect union of bodies and souls. A pretty picture that grows only more beautiful with time. Each wrinkle adding grace to every passing year, and now the fairy tale has come true. I can hold you, claim your love. Display my devotion. But to what? A cold statue who performs his duties? Gives mechanical responses to my wails for attention. I can't leave you because i love you but why can't YOU end it? Must we dance this miserable waltz day in and out? I guess you don't see that your indifference hurts more than blatant rejection. But i love you still. So, what is love?"

(context- Trapped in a marriage with a homosexual man who she is in love with.)

I didnt really want to put this out into the vicious world.. frankly its far too precious to me. But this is my final act of vulnerability. With this, i finally say goodbye. I do not know if i will feel the urge to come back and continue my garbled version of life as i see it, here. I do not know if i will find some other way to 'vent it out'. But i DO know that this IS an end of sorts. There are very few moments when you are aware that things are changing at the exact moment that they are. Consider this my anagnorisis. Yes, after a long wait i've finally found one word to describe a vivid feeling, to the dot.

The beauty of the English language is remarkable.