clarity

"Things change" is a cliche for a reason. It's because it is resoundingly true And has universal application.

Not only things, but people and our perspective of people change pretty dramatically. It's also not always because the person has actually changed, but more so because they've either revealed something about their personality which was hidden earlier (now visible due to some event or sometimes it just takes time to float to the surface).. or maybe because you have changed you can now see them more clearly?

There is someone in the extended family bandwagon that I felt very warmly towards for ages, but it was probably my immaturity that I couldn't see them as a person and only viewed them as that relationship. which is something I have come to discover can really add those rose tinted glasses. But now because of Hello Time and Age I'm seeing things more clearly. also I can't deny that the last decade has been one of massive change. Internally especially. and I no longer want to re-read the past reminisces. Not only is it stale news, it's also pretty irrelevant and off topic. Topic being, shitloads to do now. 

Met someone else recently who is a really distant relative but of course we hit it off because of the whole feminist urge thing. Again, its hard to say who is what till enough time passes I guess, or hopefully my sensors pick up things sooner now. Hmpf. It's good to have some interesting conversations once in a while but really... what is the point even? 

gotta finish that shitloads to do.

lots of sticky candy canes to you all.

chew on those world.

#workmodestartingsoon

Technology. and changing people.

I'm the person who insisted on putting her phone on airplane mode and switching off the wifi transmitter from the base every night because I could physically feel the onset of a headache if they were on, and near me. Which is not something which is backed by science, just experience.
I don't think I can view myself as "young" post crossing 31 (whew, when did that happen).. but even in my 20's ie. tackling hormones and not wanting to miss out on messages from special people, I still enjoyed chucking the phone in one part of the house and only grabbing it on the way out.

A habit I have since tried to let go off because, well, Adulting. Also if you read an invite, forget to respond later, people are way less forgiving. Also see under embarrassing.
Escapism must be practiced more subtly now. This duniyadari I tell you, such a massive waste of precious energy and time.

So now the wifi stays on (and not near my head, so all good), but the phone resolutely on airplane mode. The trend of the chiming of relentless messages invading whatsapp groups does not seem to tire. Its funny when its the college gang having a hysterical personal conversation on a group with 30 others and you wake up to 95 messages of utter nonsense. Its less funny when it is actually a work related group and you have to skim through smileys and thumbs to get to the point. I might be a whatsapp-scrooge, a whooge? :|

So getting into the whole wearable technology thing wasn't a great fit. But one re-gift and desire to drop some mass later, here I am 3 weeks steady with it. and the notifications do help me not miss some important calls. Sigh.

How things change.
and yet, unless we really make a sustained effort, they still sort of feel the same.
Effort to change habit patterns, which over 2+ decades of practice become reflexes.
So hard to rewire reflexes.
But change they must, for without change there is no growth. except horizontal.
hence the technology :D

Have dropped coffee and tea since March because I was sort of missing them too much.
Hence ofcourse I had to slip them off the menu, it's my kind of logic.
No more coffee, now to Smoothie dates :D

those days

how strange were those days
when eccentricities were celebrated,
when the dance of the words
felt like sunshine after the rain.

voices impatient, to grow up so.
for the world to acknowledge,
we were here and they could hear us roar

brave lions, just as savvy.
big hearts, and many steps of folly.
generous smiles to nearly all around
regrets so few, almost none to be found.

a kinship, a tribe, of growing minds.
joined at the hips, whilst celebrating flight.
innocent or ignorant of the vagaries of time
and that temptress, that is hope.

excited babbles, incoherent debates.
no stemming of ideas,
no thought left corked,
spilling out aloud,
endless nights, endless days.

how strange were those days.

The 2019 Post :)

The thing with the "Draft" folders is, that they are rarely perused. Much easier to scroll down published posts.

This might just make its way out of the Draft pile and into the sunshine of this rarely inhabited but happy space.

Rereading some poetry penned down in my early 20's, when life was composed of a rollercoaster of emotions and what-ifs abounded. The opportunities seemed endless, what direction one chose would probably define the next 40 years of work-life. Or literally half of ones days on the Earth moving forward. Lawyer, PR person, Scriptwriter (that I still love), Content Writer, Animator, Artist, Journalist, Event Management, the Civil Services, Writer.. were all fields and professions I had seriously considered or perhaps peripherally considered at some point. Some I actually tried and experimented with the lifestyle before rejecting. Some were just a pipe dream. I got a touch distracted and just googled where the phrase pipe dream came from and the result is hilarious.

"late 19th century: referring to a dream experienced when smoking an opium pipe."

hilarious because it was metaphorically a pipe dream, it was literally an assessment of capabilities I thought I had and the lifestyle that seemed most in tune with them and comfort. That old laziness trait. Job satisfaction- Essential (and a given)

That booted out Events, PR, even journalism didn't stimulate some peculiar string that I seemed to want pulled(?)... I gave animation and graphic designing a shot, but they were more technical than creative (at least at the beginning)... my experience of Events was just a mess of late nights, manual labour and ton of lies thrown at the client. I quickly realised it wasn't my forte simply because I didn't enjoy it. and at 20 and privileged I had the luxury of searching for something that made me feel happy.

Teaching was literally farthest from my mind even though i was pursuing the degrees methodically. But life was unravelling its plan with ease and i felt myself flowing towards it.
The first few sections of young minds were gratifying.
i felt motivated and happy, i was able to share something that they could absorb and gain from.
Why had I never viewed teaching in this way before?
Who knows why we shut some doors simply because we don't understand them.
and it takes a series of carefully orchestrated seemingly random events to take us where we fit in the puzzle.
and maybe its no longer a puzzle. Maybe now its a rubik's cube. A 3 dimensional riddle that appears 2 dimensional from certain angles.

Sometimes I'm certain I don't know what's going on, and sometimes the flow of the water seems to be leading to a place very familiar and safe. I've re-assessed myself over the years. More in "real" life than in blog.
This is going to be a very special year. I don't know what it is, but i sense it's coming.
Hope my 1 or 2 readers are happy and fulfilled wherever they are. Lots of love.

Pre-Diwali

I remember being so close, that it feels ridiculous to know so little now

To be good at ones "job" is such an underrated pleasure

My list of things pending is teetering on the edge of intimidating

Wish the salon opened at 8 instead

Whattowear. Whattowear-when. 

Field. Market. Space. Market. Mall. Market? Navigating traffic routes today with diverse destinations #DiwaliDelhiDarshan

I will eat poppet up

Thoughts impending a Wednesday that feels like "busy" won't sum it up.

This is the pre-phase. The pre before that first stint in the car.

N----Back

B----S----Back

C----lunch?---N (Different N)----A(order in?)----

Right, M in between the above, Post N, Before C.

If I knew then what I know now, I would such a better past-me. 

Arguably leading to a much better present me, wanting to be an even better past me.

Hmm. I see how I could get lost here. 

Let's just focus on bettering Wednesday me today.

Let the Day Begin! <3 div="">

(Funts turning 30 soon #impendingexcitement. Hmm Whattobuy!?!)

Tea and Motivation

"I love to write" says the girl with 400+ odd blog posts spanning more than a decade.. and probably double that number nestled safely in "drafts", waiting to be perused on nostalgic mornings.
This is not that morning :D

Growing older is also about being more honest with yourself. I love to write but I don't do it often enough. Conscientiously enough.

Increasingly I find myself distracting the mind with mundane flights into imaginary worlds courtesy Instagram. I wish I would delve so enthusiastically into my subject.

There is so much to be done. And I'm letting time slip away. It will not get less-busy I am told. And I believe it. Because I see the evidence around me. I literally wrap my arms around living, breathing, laughing, loving proof that life is only going to get more full of activities, people, meetings...

It's 10.30 am on a Monday morning. The week has just begun. The list is not at its peak.
I need to grab a hold of the time. Snatch it out of mid-flight and pin it down, muscle it into submission with my determination and finish the most postponed phase of my career.
This time will not come back.
I am most aware, Carpe Diem Self, or at least the first part. Seize the Day not because you have little regard for the future but because you Do care. Because you know the future is coming. and today Must be seized.

Seize today, because tomorrow is not that far away. A little light editing of a classic is a good way to begin ;)

Onwards

I blog, because I Can.
It's a release, a note keeping, an airing of thoughts otherwise self-ignored, an expansion of the mind beyond the physical walls that we keep decorated with colours of the rainbow.

It is a delving into the present, submerging the self into the thoughts that underlie today. Like the shifting currents of water that contradict each other in the depths of the sea, thoughts collide against each other. The emotions of today, with the beliefs of yesterday merge, embrace, and sometimes reject the other.

I'm using one of two identical-ish (Thank you :*) Birthday Gifts this year as a means of a more physical note keeping of the oscillations of the mind. Trying to direct them to a more permanent positive resolution, hopefully helping the foundation of the pattern of thinking evolve a little bit.

I've written a few posts about the actual Turning30 occasion. But they have all been pushed off into the drafts folder. Oh Well.
It Happened.
Twas Lovely.
Twas Happy.

Now to ThirtyOne... !!