The thrill of it all!

So for starters, my internet poofed off for a while...hence no exercise for my fingers (i didnt even do my postcolonialism assignment outta pure laziness!)...i DID, however, keep checking my mails for 'work' in college.....but i kinda stuck to my guns and didnt blog (some self control eh?)...okay, so whats been happening...a lot. lot. lot actually.

Lets cover the basic relationship-like things first.
-Silly Billy finally broke under immense emotional pressure (her own) and fessed up to partner. (ahem. YAY)

-x let me know a few things in as ambiguous a way as humanly possible. i wonder if a mental chime can be veiled with ambiguity too?

-am totally looking forward to Sh's buddday party... it promises to be a killer! We've all been given individual themes to don!..mine goes something like 'barbie goes crazy in fantasyland'...why..why..why am i not surprised?

-whacky pictures seem to be the flavor of the season with everyone around pulling out their digi's and clicking away (madly)... its almost like...if we dont have photographic proof..it didnt happen! :P...weird!

-today we finally...finally met our new TEAM (dram soc)... 10 new people....ahem..

-on the bright side, we practiced a LOT and college now seems just a lil complete...doesnt feel like its been only 2 weeks. It was almost too easy just slipping into the college groove. like fish in fresh water. :D

I just need that whirlwind adrenalin rush as i desperately try and balance friends, family, work, dramatics and classes to feel like college is on for good. Oh, did i mention outstation trips, chaat, dates, meetings, dinners, birthdays and constant wishful fantasies bout sleeping for more than 5 hours? Yeah, well...that too! Isnt life beautiful? :)

Of bedtime stories...Updated

So we're back to our contemporary fable...our (heroine/actress) protagonist is up to her ears in trouble/work/academic backlog but takes out time to attend her old school reunion... or at least thats what she was lead to believe (sinister background music)...
she's mentally conjured up the perfect attire (skinny jeans with basic top + super subtle dose of heavy gorgeously delicious earrings..yum), washed behind her ears and 10 mins from now will be found frantically hunting for her basic top and above mentioned earrings (which have obviously disappeared in the murky depths of her closet).. Just so that she doesnt end up looking too outta place with all the designer dresses that are sure to be floating around, she buzzes school pal... who naturally does nothing to alleviate her fears and instead drops a bomb.
a bomb that shatters the very slim layer of peace that envelopes her, friend is bringing with self bf plus bestfriend plus bestfriends bf! all of whom i might add (as the narrators voice of authority) are NOT from that school and still willing to shell out an exhorbitant amount for food and meeting people who they're strangers to. hmm
a quick (speedy/immediate) return to the 21st century and the personified version of feminism skulks away with her tail b/w her legs and whimpers in a distant corner of the earth... dogs howl... jackals celebrate the downfall of yet another spirited movement ... and astrologers cluck omnisciently... tsk tsk.. the contemporary woman OF COURSE bursts out into yet another tirade bout the invisible umbilical cord that girls have voluntarily stapled onto their better(?) halves... and i, as always, feel disappointed by the utter lack of grey matter that plagues the world! tch! So very predictable! A question to the world in general before i leave...
Is it really that hard to make it through one night without the psychological armour the bf provides?
Can't we just dump the guy for a measly 3 hours?
If the answers a flat out 'no', oh well.... more things to write about then. :P

Ps-society, love it or hate it... sure as hell helps you vent! :)

Pps- Post-Reunion I've realized
- exactly why i was so thrilled to come to college
-how people can use ANY excuse to dress like its their own birthday
-Daffy and i can NEVER be friends, we BOTH are childish/immature idiots unable to make up our minds..or relationship status. Bye Bye.
-calling Silly Billy when you feel low is a great idea :)
-dancing to 'singh is king' is awesome fun!
-how important it is to not let people get to you
-some people are more than a lil fake...(knew that for ages though)
-i do a great impression of looking THRILLED when i need to...
-old friend D, is the sweetest most genuine person around!
-i can get high on iced water! :D...(yum ice)
-i dont miss school. (and not just because college is better!)

Basically, am glad life has phases.... phases of feeling good/bad, sad/happy, thrilled/low, mellow/charged, contemplative/numb....even ignorant/wise...i wont say im beyond caring about school or school friends...but more like i can see through a lot of stuff that is sure to make things uncomfortable. I'm happy where i am...just gearing up for yet another uncomfortable leap into the unknown, before i find my feet and declare myself 'happy' yet again.
Life can be *insert any word* but i CHOOSE to be *insert positive word*... i choose to be a certain way, everyday. And so do you.

'What a feeling...'

This has, without precedent, been one of the crummiest days of this year ( or at least as far back as memory and i can go).. what started out normally enough as a regular boring class made a swift transition to an even more boring class......i woke up a lil to study Beckett and later distribute some copies of 'The' paper around college...post conceptualising/writing/drawing a card for Silly Billy (in order to congratulate her for simply being in the much dreaded love!...)....i stumbled on to the rest of the day...we put the 1st years through 3-4 gruelling rounds that were specifically designed to test creativity, acting ability and spontaneous reactions... our new motto being, we take dramatics seriously! Then just 2 hours ago managed to make mii way back home...safe with all emotions intact... while cutting karaundas (sour seed like things for pickle putting) with papa i was almost normal...or as normal as one can be after an exhausting day.....just wanting to curl up with adams and soup while hearing the rain pattering against the window (yes, i really get to experience such poetic moments for real)... but then now, now im here. barely avoiding the salty taste of fresh wounds and listening to the crappiest songs on itunes (cuz my ipod headphones broke) Sometimes i wish we could shrug off memories as easily as we step out of clothes... or leave em far behind us.. and go to a place where they wont matter. wont matter at all. John denver keeps murmering words to a song that id never heard by him before...having an extensive albeit eclectic music collection helps you tumble onto strange coincidences.. isnt it awful when you're almost (almost) happy and then you realize other people find what you do(did/will do) inadequate. with a capital I and double tear. you're not supposed to be proud...or at least you never can be now...not of that thing anyway... because now you know what people (that person) really thinks. Its not enough. Just not enough. words can never again shield you from that home truth. never quite. and this fresh stab at a hidden hurt ...bleeds. it bleeds more than is rational and most certainly more than what is necessary. So now ive found 'Stronger' on the playlist. Kenye West. Very disconnected and fragmented , oh wait im gonna play 'Bubbly' now.
But on a more practical note, how long can we look for reinforcement in external forces and opinions... if you really wanna do whats right for you..you must take the road most talked bout (ie. the one less travelled) and hope (know) that this ache is but temporary and you're made for better moments. Whoa, i shall soon psyche myself out of this uhh 'groove'(?)
:)
Hows that for a 'pat-on-the-back-blog' moment. :)
Mood- Brighter than Sunshine- Aqualung

Pause

I will never really know how people can post once in a trillion days, it always seems to me that i have this whole bunch of thoughts gushing out that i wanna pen down immediately in this 'perfect' format and the 'best' possible way. Contemplative moments, whacky dreams, weird ideas all coagulate into this teensy post (which i always try and keep short, stop laughing please). Have always been verbose to the point of absurdity but thats just the way i think. In circles, triangles, squares and other shapes that i have no clue bout.
Today i was all scrunched up in the car watching the world crawl past me (delhi traffic. ahem) and it reminded me of the streetplay we performed all of last year. 'Iss Raste Par'. It dealt with traffic and civic sense (more like lack of it) and one line of our song nudged its way in... 'Iss raste par khada hai dekho kahin bhikari kahin ambani iss rate par' *daphli beat* (Translation- on this road we see beggars and the likes of Ambani ie. wealthy people. Duh!)
It was so strange to block our prejudices and just LOOK at people...i crossed a bus stand and the different CLASS of people was obvious to all but the blind. A worker was sitting in the crow asana (i know wee bitta yogic-ish terms) ...a college going girl self-consciously toyed with her hair...a man standing with his (assumed) wife grabbed his own c*****...(ahem)... an old auntie stared disapprovingly at a couple who indulged in light (mutual) attraction-ish behaviour (complete with giggles. lol) And all i could think of was...here i am...sitting in the car which dads post enables access to... changing radio channels and lounging around in relative luxury.... what did i do to actually deserve this? And more importantly, what did they do not to?
A person i was talking to yday tells me that religion is just a way to get people to act 'good' with the threat of punishment guiding them (he was more incoherent).... I think that might be true and its also true that most intellectual philosophies DONT believe in karma but when you LOOK at the world around you...what else can you possibly believe in? Its either this or that someones playing a game of die with our fortune. Frankly id feel a lot more secure knowing my fate is wrapped in the logical process of karmic acts and free will to improve it. Gives you security and the chance to help yourself (and others).

On a completely different note...true love exists. Even after marriage. Even after you gain weight and resemble a papa rhino. Even after you let the irritating habits leak out. Even after you know each irrelevant detail of each others day. True love exists. Inspite of the mundaneness of it all. It survives. Right on the streets of Delhi, in a house not too far from mine. No need to offer residential proof and government official attested copies. Enough to say i know, and i have seen it. With my own dark brown eyes and felt it, in the same humid Delhi weather. Its alive and kicking... Just waiting for us to believe in it. For some people say, what you want to see becomes your truth.... your reality. Now i know its there, impossibly normal and miraculously within reach. Life is strange.

the Cash factor

Now nearly all of us have been exposed to fascinating lyrics like

"Cash meri saaason mein
Cash meri aankhon mein
Cash mere dil mein bhi
Cash meri baahon mein
Cash meri khwaabon mein
Cash meri yaadon mein
Cash on mind making money all da time"

But what does cash really mean for most of us young ones? (ie. ones who dont earn their daily bread)... Well, at the risk of being the biggest un-feminist around (cringes) i really dont expect to make the calls... i mean... Thats not a guys responsibility per se, but probably a personal choice!Going dutch for movie tickets, dinner blabla is totally cool. In fact, its welcome and desirable. But somehow, probably through social conditioning that im unable to rid self of, i really expect the facebook add...the first few phone calls...the first step of sorts..to be from the other side of the intangible divide. Does that make me an example of the infiltration of patriarchy's notions of 'propriety' in women, or does it simply mean i wanna know just how interested someone is in me before i make myself even a lil available!?!

AM learning a hell lot bot different kinds of existentialism...the whole concept of life being a cyclical charade where meaningless actions are provoked by nonsensical chitter chatter..and regardless of how hard an individual tries, he will really never be able to overcome the ultimate and inevitable defeat that awaits him- death. Whats viewed as failure by the existentialists. Now thank God im not one! I dont think i could live such a depressing existence of melancholic thoughts and cynical outlook....at least not for long. According to above, the biggest hero is one who doesnt slit his wrist even after this knowledge...... If you ask me, when just existing in the world becomes a prize to be hankered after....what sort of joy does this philosophy propogate? Arent ideas and moevements supposed to make us feel better and more at peace? Apparently not. Oddly, even though i know that civilisations have come and gone...ideologies have changed faces about a million times......religion has been manipulated...and images constructed.
Even after knowing all this, my faith in 'good'...my faith in God...my Faith is unshaken. Call that a failure of the intellectual world to twist my worldview or my most meaningful personal success, i think its super great to be in the ambiguous zone of grey where i can look and absorb alien concepts and with each step hold on to my own system of strength. Primarily, what gives you happiness is what is 'right' for you.

ps- i dont care how politically incorrect it is...i am NOT wasting precious cell phone balance when the person concerned has to call. Period. :P

The Dark Knight....:P

Even though some thousand people had told me that The Dark Knight was pretty much the best thing to hit theatres since...forever...i kinda went today cuz S was REALLY excited bout it...
And it was...an... EXPERIENCE. S realized the potential of 'good'...i, on the other hand, realized the potential of 'good cinema'. Fantastic!!!!!!!! Not only were the shots superbly directed and twists pulling us forward at the speed of light... the acting didnt once grate and well.... *sigh*
It made me realize that ive really really really missed watching GOOD movies! Right before the intermission one almost gets mislead into thinking the movies end has come...a slightly cliche' end even...but then...the audience is hurled from one shot to the next, always panting to catch ones breath.... a movie that can make me forget bout the popcorn (and that almost never happens!)

The results came out too...got marks that are 'okay' when you consider my subject choice... also realized that people can be SO mean when they sense a weak spot... and vulnerable moment. Rex totally pounced on my marks and attempted to stomp over my happiness... i called up dad for the first time after something emotional... he told me that rex must be an ass if he equates marks to intellect and besides i had done 'well'.... mum on the other hand pointed out that my 'rejecting' him must still be a sore point... is it really possible? Someone who i ahem 'rejected' when i was 16 may still have an angry-thing thats not gone away till NOW?? Do guys really hold on to that stuff? Well, i know i do hold on to a lot but..... we're friends. Or so i thought till he deliberately wanted to grind my mood to a pulp and then pee on it. i am NOT exaggerating.

Coming back to the movie, S thought it fascinating how the 'Dark' thing had been played with(check her blog, she's sure to have talked bout it) ... i just thought it was inspiring to sit through a masterpiece of cinematic genius. Again, i am NOT exaggerating. Wont leak out the storyline... you ALL deserve to watch it!

Ps- Guy who plays Batman........ *sighs*... hot!
Pps- Im totally over the concept of romantic-relationships for self but reel love is completely acceptable. :D

Of this and That!

So its sunday morning and im legally allowed to laze. :)....There i am... having donned the most comfy pink pj's and flower infested pj top money can buy... (well, its as old as time itself hence comfy).... lazing around...contemplating reaching for that glass of lukewarm nimbu pani (reeks of being spoiled eh?)...when dad enters and asks me to come to the drawing room...unsuspecting fool that i am, in the hazy sleepy state...it being 9.30 in the morning, i casually saunter into a room full of strangers. Pause. Just time to think 'oops' before im introduced to blabla's daughter whose 'almost your age'... (Decked in formals with hair perfectely in place...i let out a yelp to God. Why papa Why!)... so i do what comes naturally. i squirm and pass off my appearance with an uncomfortable smile and vague gesture. Of course im then asked to sit and chat for about 30 minutes about things which neither of us are ecstatic about. Dont get me wrong..i dont shun company as a rule but its SUNDAY morning! Are parents reaaally allowed to plonk us in the middle of pleasantries and desultory conversation before the rest of the world wakes up? (i know im acting very 'delhi' but had i expected this i wouldve banged the phone down at 11 last night instead of 2 am!...sigh) Now that ive let the few slivers of mini-random-whiny-steam out.. I can look on the bright side. Hmm.

Silly Billy and i sorted out our 'discomfort' thing....whenever we try and hide anything from the other things become instantly weird. WEIRD. weird. We came to the conclusion that this time it was my fault. ahem. well, it was. :(

Had an extremely strange talk with G last night. He went to great lengths to 'freak' me out as he says with constant references to sexuality and 'odd' antics. I fell for it ...hook line sinker. 45 minutes of my case being royally taken before i let my intellect come outta retirement and take HIS case for 45 more minutes. (mwahahahahaha)

ohh Silly Billy and R's relationship turns 5 months today! i called up at night to sing for her! :D
and then in the morning too!... Its people like this who make me feel great about romantic involvements. Anyone who bothers to look...can tell they're madly in love and totally meant for each other. In a way thats adorable...and absolutely divine! (love. love. love.) Its super great to see happy people...esp when one of them is your bestest buddy! Cuz then you know its-
a)for real
b)its Her whose happy!
(love gushes out at top speed!)

Anyway, im gonna push off now but HAPPY 5 MONTHS again guys! May you get ALL the freakily awww-inducing moments in the world! MUAH!
(simon cowell totally got it wrong when he said you cant be happy for friends!)