'What a feeling...'

This has, without precedent, been one of the crummiest days of this year ( or at least as far back as memory and i can go).. what started out normally enough as a regular boring class made a swift transition to an even more boring class......i woke up a lil to study Beckett and later distribute some copies of 'The' paper around college...post conceptualising/writing/drawing a card for Silly Billy (in order to congratulate her for simply being in the much dreaded love!...)....i stumbled on to the rest of the day...we put the 1st years through 3-4 gruelling rounds that were specifically designed to test creativity, acting ability and spontaneous reactions... our new motto being, we take dramatics seriously! Then just 2 hours ago managed to make mii way back home...safe with all emotions intact... while cutting karaundas (sour seed like things for pickle putting) with papa i was almost normal...or as normal as one can be after an exhausting day.....just wanting to curl up with adams and soup while hearing the rain pattering against the window (yes, i really get to experience such poetic moments for real)... but then now, now im here. barely avoiding the salty taste of fresh wounds and listening to the crappiest songs on itunes (cuz my ipod headphones broke) Sometimes i wish we could shrug off memories as easily as we step out of clothes... or leave em far behind us.. and go to a place where they wont matter. wont matter at all. John denver keeps murmering words to a song that id never heard by him before...having an extensive albeit eclectic music collection helps you tumble onto strange coincidences.. isnt it awful when you're almost (almost) happy and then you realize other people find what you do(did/will do) inadequate. with a capital I and double tear. you're not supposed to be proud...or at least you never can be now...not of that thing anyway... because now you know what people (that person) really thinks. Its not enough. Just not enough. words can never again shield you from that home truth. never quite. and this fresh stab at a hidden hurt ...bleeds. it bleeds more than is rational and most certainly more than what is necessary. So now ive found 'Stronger' on the playlist. Kenye West. Very disconnected and fragmented , oh wait im gonna play 'Bubbly' now.
But on a more practical note, how long can we look for reinforcement in external forces and opinions... if you really wanna do whats right for you..you must take the road most talked bout (ie. the one less travelled) and hope (know) that this ache is but temporary and you're made for better moments. Whoa, i shall soon psyche myself out of this uhh 'groove'(?)
:)
Hows that for a 'pat-on-the-back-blog' moment. :)
Mood- Brighter than Sunshine- Aqualung