electri-City!

oh BOOHOO (buckle YOUR shoe)
so i got a bit of a cold
and inflamed tonsils
and yeah, the pain spread to my ears and now head.
BEEEEEH shee(i)eet. (oh hahaha! :D)

Bring on the light and set my soul on fayaaaaah.
i.dont.know.what.that.means.
its.the.medicine.talking.people.
But reaaaaaahhly.
what is the big deal?
so i need to stay mum while people jabber on the phone.
(until my ears complain that is)
and i cant go for birthday lunches. or dinners. or walks even (sooooo weak and all)

Im FINALLY able to maintain (somewhat) the talk-less clause in Buddhism.
I dont consume endless calories (unless you count choco hor-i-likes! which i need on a/c of being all weak and all)
and I was able to go through 47..yeah baby FORTY SEVEN pages of Great Expectations
which having even the smallest semblance of a 'normal' life would cripple me against.

So there you have it
happiness in the world
aching throat and all.
but like i said
big shit (oh did i use funny words to disguise that the first time around? :P)

cut-me-slack-on-verbosity
i am no longer able to chirp effortlessly on the phone!
:)

loveeee yooooh lovaaaah :)
*subtle and all eh?*
:)
And thanks for the zingy-positivity .... muaaaaaaaah. :)

Un-well-ness

Don't they say you have to get through the darkest hour of the night before dawn?

Hello incomprehensible black-ness.

Sitting in the sweltering heat without a fan. Taking cautious sips of once-boiling water, avoiding the curse of a burnt tongue. Ignoring the pangs each time i swallow. Attempting to build some interest in Great Expectations when all i can think of is 'How did i reach this point?'

This pit of depressive negativity?

This feeling that each breath, each second of mere vegetable existence... is pain. And not (just)the mental kind which you can vanquish with a high dose of positive Yogananda Ji and affirmations. My body is probably flooded by a cocktail of anti-biotics and homeopathic on the side. And each person i talk to, is a probable victim of my low croaking (voice has given up).

The good part.. like a friend said... It can only get better from here, right?

Right?

PS- remind me to enlighten the world on the progressivist view of history we're all currently absorbed with...which is not necessarily true or accurate. My one worthy discovery in MA so far :)

Yin Yang Yum(!)

Does it even make sense, for the loudest cracker... to have the most silent end?

Im vaguely toying with the idea of starting a new blog. No, not particularly because of the vast audience demand :)
but more on a completely different note. a different page in the same book?
or maybe even, some sentences you overlooked on the very same page :)

I'm 21 you know. Twenty-One.
This is the age people comment on as the ideal (do they?) mix of youthful optimism (! :D !) and fairly apparent(!) maturity! funny haha. :)
No but really, when i look in the mirror i don't see.... 'just twenty one' anymore
*like i did for 18-20*
i see.... 'twenty one'... and all that goes with it

There have been some surprisingly heart rending moments of .... realization actually.
That no matter how badly i want some things, i shouldnt... i shouldnt because i should know better. And i do.
It causes an odd pang to give up on the bittersweet.
when you're bang in the middle, all you taste is the sour and when you're one step out of the door...all you can remember is the momentary flash of sugar.
You get the picture.

ie. its hard to give up. it always is.

Coming back to the blog. If and when it does see daylight :)
a) it shall be called 'daylight', nice ring to it!
b) it shall be undiluted positivity :)
c) and that it shall spread, hope! :)

so i'll look forward to that, and in the meantime... desperately need to cram up on those books.
Masters has officially Started!! yippeeee yay doodah :)

ps- hope all is well with everyone reading this :)
take care everyone!
God Bless :) .......(for those who believe in the higher power...and for those who don't too!!!) :)

Thought-and-Think

I still need to know more
but just not every-single-thing.

Its not like living with ignorance
more perhaps of filtering by relevance

I can deal with not knowing the date of each battle
I can safely say, I will survive

and this doesn't apply only
to the history
the world today accepts.

Delhi is hot.

Everyday, I melt a little bit more.

Ps- Orientation classes are on, regular ones begin Monday. Each step gets easier. Okay, sometimes.

my unmusical composition

moon miracles and beginnings

I want to write about the moon and soggy cheese
-about wet napkins in clumsy paper plates
-about going to bed with a temporary smile
-about humming songs that your voice can't take
-about a worry that nothing will ever be good enough or this good

I want to write about the impossibility of some dreams
-about caring enough to sleep less
-about meeting the ghosts that conversations fling back
-about Lolita and surprise beginnings

I want to write but words no longer come easy and I sit in my corner, clutching at straws, and hoping the universe is spinning a miracle just for me.

written- june 5th '09

maybe I'll write what I feel today a month from now.
or maybe not.

peace be with you all.

an advert- old is gold.

nobody in my family knows how to converse in kashmiri
we're infinitely more comfortable in english
at the cost of hindi

nobody knows what the 'traditional' cultural outfit is (sari in kashmir? i-dont-think-so)
the usual clothes donned are 'western' (barring family celebrations)
kurtas exist yes, but in an ironic attempt to look inconspicuous

food is dicey
taste buds adapt easily to 'north' food
meetha in gujarat, teekha otherwise
the food dadi and company spoonfed?
for once-in-6-month indulgences

the education is consistent
people are well placed
but in varied fields
there is no tradition to continue
or ancestral wrath to be faced

ideas on travel, shopping, lifestyle are all different
one teeny family
and a billion politically (in)correct opinions
all exploding in a rainbow over the dinner table

i wonder at the glue that holds it
supreme attachment?
conscientious duty upholders?
this-is-how-its-supposed-to-be?
whatever it is
its the lasting type

a hybrid community
jumbled up notions
experimental children
curious adults
all shovelling the snow aside
walking in a pattern unfamiliar
creation of a web

welcome to life