Lost

'Lost'-thats my current nickname on one random website......it seems very apt and seems to almost sum up my entire frame of mind.....a lot of transformation has been taking place internally....i found myself walking with one of my friends today......(the word 'friend' is perhaps too light to fit our relationship)....we fell into discussion about the change in me as easily as a fish slips into water....no hesitation or awkwardness did we feel as we delved into my personality.....my current "tailored" nature was held into the metaphorical light and dissected....why and how i had changed dominated the conversation........

there was no need for justifications.....but i did attempt to clarify things....you see, i find this friend very dear to me in an inexplicable way....i dont need approval but i felt that if anyone could understand...it would be this friend......each person has the potential to see a different thing in the same object....and when that object is a person who also moulds him/herself with time, people and circumstances....our understanding of one individual can take a lifetime.....

today, ironically, my face was read and my personality classfied into one box.....deftly (and accurately) i was packaged and labelled.......almost relieved i let her divide my essence and life into neat rows and columns....i dont know about the world...but the words i use while writing are ones that i feel suit the emotion that was experienced in reality.....writing is a release of sorts....a maze of mumbo jumbo jargon that can be piled up for the world to read and perhaps, now, critically comment on....

coming back to the beginning like most things....i started with feeling 'Lost'....it conjures images of desolation and perhaps one lone tree in the midst of sand......a lonely fate which is not by choice.....do you, as a reader, know what the worst possible thing is??....hope....or more accurately....a milisecond of hope.....just enough to give your heart a shock before you sink into the misery of realisation....and the misery which is accentuated as that milisecond was long enough to give you a nano milisecond of joy....which only serves to make you more aware of how painful misery is.....

sometimes so intent on denial we are that we refuse to accept that we are miserable....thats a terrible fate for if you dont know your sad....how will you ever search for happiness?....this misery might even become a permanent fixture of your life....so heres a cure....which should possibly be written down in book form....heavily marketed and.....then bought by you to make me a millionare..but i'l tell you for free....

1st step-accept that your sad.....face your biggest fears and admit that your NOT HAPPY!
2nd step-give it some thought....find out exactly WHY....regardless of how ugly it sounds....(even in your own head)
3rd and final step-search for happiness.....moments, if possible.....make happy things happen....surround yourself by activities that will possibly give you joy.....embrace life in all forms.....(hehe)......live love ....get hurt!!....feel alive....make mistakes....have FUN!....indulge in romance no matter how short-lived......never cheapen yourself or you'll only feel dirty later......enjoy...

make your own list of 'i want and i need'.....set your own boundaries and targets......know what you want from your life...

then get off your freakin LAZY ass and go out and GET IT!!!...

muaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhsssssss!!!

(howz that for a motivational speech??....)...:P