aware

There is a lot to be said for living in the moment. The thing is, as we grow up, the people we meet are more or less people we choose to let into our lives. We start out with family, then teachers and end up with a small (or large) circle of handpicked friends. It’s a charming life in theory and of course comes with its own unique baggage. A friend once recommended that I hold on to beautiful memories and let the same warm my heart over and over again. Somehow I found the idea distasteful, not because each experience is like a single-use-wet-tissue but more so because there was a sorrowful context attached to the suggestion. The idea that we must accept the beauty of those moments as lost to us, that we must move on and yet hold on firmly to what was rather than anticipate a better tomorrow. The thing is, if we don’t expect more… want more… improve or at least intend to, then we’re as useful as an orangutan. Meaning no disrespect to orangutan’s, I am sure if its are explored in detail some richness of purpose will be found in their existence but the idea remains that it’s simply illogical to exist and accept loss as inevitable. It’s unfair to dwell on past joys and use them as a crutch for a sad lack of them in the future. You owe it to yourself to be happy, successful and ambitious. It is completely unethical to settle when you know in your heart that you have the potential to make more meaningful decisions.

Another friend constantly has the urge to shake people out of their self-induced misery. Sometimes is join her in the outrage and other times I shrug it off as inevitable. Some of us just like to be martyrs in our own eyes, railing against the unfairness of life and the most common, unrequited longing. Passion converted into wet cheeks that melt into innocent pillows. What a royal waste of energy.

I landed up in Rishikesh this last weekend with elder sister and friends. It was one of those last-minute trips that I had agreed to thinking it would be a pleasant ‘break’ if my own plans to escape Delhi didn’t see daylight. It turns out, wise decision :)
Brilliant weather and of course an extremely eventful trip. We saw it all, the harsh unforgiving sun, the glory of Ganga, the peace of the evening aarti, patriarchy strengthened with age, wild rapids and the eight of us clinging on to the orange raft. I shall now laugh at anyone who rambles on about a battle with nature. Darling child, there is battle only among equals. Nature could flick her smallest toenail at us and wipe out a tiny city. :)

Some parts were naturally better than others; I liked the silence of a quiet cell-phone, loved the uncomfortably cold water, snuggled into the sand and of course bathroom humour can never be the same after a camping trip :)
Wanted to write something poetic to maybe do the trip justice but writers block triumphs and I find myself extremely limited.
Moments that still stand out?

- A futile race with gleeful winds at the army cant.
- Dinner and lunch at obnoxiously reasonable rates
- Meditative aarti that eats the cake for the most beautiful moment ever
- Long car rides and an overburdened air conditioner
- Two hours spent trying not to fall off the raft
- Body surfing with life jackets (them oddly making it harder to breathe)
- The million steps down to camp, weighed down by lime green backpacks
- The white sand
- The once-green-now-brown water
- The sauna tent and silent hours
- The overtly populated sky
- Crazy rainfall and unsafe roads
- Plan B’s and new roads mapped
- Random conversation and old songs
- A warm jacket and a dripping car roof
- A still-lit cigarette making its way to my wrist
- A walk on sun baked slabs, barefoot

I loved the trip. In all of its confused convoluted disorganized glory. Will I ever go again? I don’t know. But I have learnt this, among other things, it is important to live in the moment and allow the sun to bake your once-less-brown skin. It is also necessary to remember the feelings and lessons that go with any experience. But at the same time, I cannot live my life recounting Rishikesh each and every day. We need to move on to the new, carrying with us trust and hope that it’ll be a beautiful experience as well. Don’t settle for stale memories. Keep your first ever rose, pressed carefully between the pages of your favorite book but know that the fragrance from the flower cannot last. Treasure the love you had once received but don’t let it consume all of your attention. Give yourself the chance to like the future as well.

God Bless :)