common sh*t

you know how they say......if ur day went great yesterday....it'll s*** today....well maybe i'll cheer up by tonight.....cuz today smelt like poop!!!!!!.....*arrrrrghhh*...btw i distinctly dislike mf!...

14th

dont really want to delve too deep into the whole purpose behind the world acknowledging the 14th of Feb as any different from the rest of the days.....but considering people are asking me my plan....n im dyin to unleash my bitterness ...i guess it'll be better to do it here ....OR i can simply choose to partcipate in a non-peaceful protest against V day....on the grounds that its corrupting our youth....heck, its corrupted me all right....i actually WANT a big (highly overpriced) bouquet of roses..n chocolates wouldent hurt either...but one of the few things that ive NOT learnt thru books but experience is....i shouldnt hold my breath....

do u remember those cheesy chain mails that used to be really popular a few years ago?....you know with the poems...

'someone somewhere is thinking of ur smile
n while thinking of it...feels that life is worthwhile
so whenever your sad....remember its true...
someone somewhere is thinking of you'...

i know...i remember it...how weird is that...or mayb my memory is just uber fantastic...
i would like to believe the latter...
so ...this poem just articulates what i actually believed in...
yes...i am considering the possibility that i was truly brain-deprived...
n it lead or enhanced the hope that someone would in fact want me ON the 14th!
n naturally before and after too but the 14th got blown WAY out of proportion and i would
go to sleep the night before thinking-about-red-roses-and-pretending-not-to-care-about-people-who-were-thinking-about-red-roses....only NOW!....
i dont know if you would call it cynicism welling from age/disappointed-the-night-after-the-dreaming-about-roses-night....but when i say i dont expect anything...i mean it...

here is the actual cause of sorrow.....i feel bad....bad that im missing out on the excitement...the whole feeling of it-may-happen...now extra grey cells make it almost impossible cuz i KNOW BETTER!....my brain and logic have CONVINCED me!...n thats what makes me sad....all expectations have been stomped on....i can hope no more....to the fun ive said 'bye-bye'...

would write more but gotta go change....(family time)...
live love and well....just live and love!...muahhhs!

Community Responses and the Train of Sarcasm

"What makes YOU different ?

You feel you are part of the intellectual elite trapped amidst regular philistines that infest this world? You are afraid that society shall fear you if your tremendous genius is revealed?

Do you really think so?What makes you so special?What are your powers ?Do you have a sixth sense? "- FROM A COMMUNITY ON ORKUT

DATED- 23rd May 2007

"being the super(duper) brain that i am....i'll answer EACH question!

Do you really think so?...err kinda YEAHHH!!!

What makes you so special?....my freakish ability to attempt to rationalise+justify+make-best-friends-accept-as-good for-me ....every act that i commit...which society doesnt ALWAYS construe as particularly intelligent...

What are your powers ?.....u mean APART from the fact that i write as fast as i think....*wooshhh*.....there goes another thought!!!

Do you have a sixth sense? Duhhh!...i mean....dont all us intelligent souls have one?....u think NEWTON just 'discovered' gravity???....we even have secret 6th sense club meetings ....*oops i think i said too much!* " MY RESPONSE

DATED- 1st February 2008

I must say.....sometimes.....sometimes...i REALLY crack myself up!

Aint No Mountain

Listen, baby
Ain't no mountain high
Ain't no vally low
Ain't no river wide enough,
babyIf you need me, call me
No matter where you are
No matter how farJust call my name
I'll be there in a hurry
You don't have to worry
'Cause baby,There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you
Remember the dayI set you free
I told youYou could always count on me
From that day on I made a vow
I'll be there when you want me
Some way,some how
'Cause baby,There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you
No wind, no rain
My love is alive
Way down in my heart
Although we are miles apart
If you ever need a helping hand
I'll be there on the double
As fast as I can
Don't you know that
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you
Don't you know that
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough

My Minds Journey unaccompanied by Milton....

When the world becomes too insane and pretends to blanket itself under the guise of ‘normalcy’…I run far away and hide….i create an ‘alternate reality’ and that’s where I currently reside…

A day before yesterday and an eternity ago in space….i was in a class where Milton’s secondary epic was being painfully dissected….each word was shaken for multiple meanings and the defeated rhythm of beauty that flowed in ‘Paradise Lost’ was truly lost to me forever….when you divide each letter and test its worth…you will more often than not….lose the worth that you were trying to decrypt…so I allowed my brain to flow in all directions….and surprisingly …it obeyed me eagerly…only reinforcing the proverb that it’s the easiest thing in the world to make someone do something they want to do….or something to that general effect….

Here are some of the thoughts that I jotted down with no more sinister purpose than to take another step towards unraveling the mystery that i find us to be…..as I often feel…there is no one quite as hard to understand…as me....

“Ever felt constricted by an image you believed you were and based your relationships on?

Would changing your identity or discovering it to be far-removed form what you believed it to be-change previous relationships forged on that premise.

If you previously believed your essence to be different from your understanding of it today- How much of an impact would it make on the established social relationships?

Does it make sense to make bonds based on commonalities between individuals as personality evolution will inevitably lead to a change in the perspectives previously considered as ethically similar or basic?

Will it ever make sense to define oneself when we change our own view of ourselves far too soon. Consistency in the human nature is lacking and leads to a feeling of insecurity.


Yesterday, someone said that as I don’t know who I am, I am dependant on other peoples opinion of me and hope to construe and convince them to keep it positive so as to maintain my self-esteem.

It is accurate.

29/01/08”

Another semi-interesting observation made by my mind as it floated somewhere near nowhere……-we tend to quote things that we perhaps find accurate and can somehow relate to….things unnatural to our environment are quite easy to forget…..

Leaving the world of romantic fantasy and teen-ache fiction….i casually slip back into the role of an observer….

Don’t you love it when you discover so many different (not to mention lovely fascinating and sometimes downright adorable!!!!!) sides of you?...

Fanciful Dreaming and Mind Games Part-2

(N's Story...part 2)

You must be the 3rd luckiest girl in the world gushed my brain… (the 1st two positions are taken by Angelina Jolie cuz of her fabulous looks and Oprah because of her even more fabulous heart and immense wealth!)….i mean who would have thought that just ONE week ago you were sitting in your room eating khakra with soup…n NOW….your still in your room eating khakra with soup AND waiting for HIM to call up….*brain goes into rational ecstasy at the prospects that lurk around my 'new' and 'improved' life*…..(romantic self yawns and waits for that elusive technological ring that would make life seem a whole lot rosier)

*ringgggg*….omg omg omg…..*is it him???* Shrieks some obscure giddy part of self…ahh….twinge of disappointment as id caller tells me its *s*!!!...dont get me wrong…I mean no one likes having 7 hour chats with her(like we did last night…tehetehe)…but I would like to fill her in on some NEW developments…….

N: hey….

S: so???

N: yea…?

S: well???.......

N: umm…yea…*pause*

S: yea what?...*impatient*

N: nope….didnt reply…

*can almost FEEL her gearing up to be cheerful and all hope inducing*

i interrupt with…me: see I know what your going to say…
I totally feel that he’s pakka in some obscure part of the world where networks refuse to function….n I’ve given it some thought and refuse to believe that he’s been killed by politically motivated barbarians….the way I see it….he’s probably seriously wounded and strapped to an imaginary tree with mythical chains….i bet he’s thinking of calling me RIGHT now but the blood flowing from his eye probably ….

S: okaaaay okayyyyy I get the point…any enthusiasm that I display when rushing to his defense will not be appreciated…..right?

N: you comprehend perfectly my friend…now tell me about HIM…

S: uhh…*confused*…didn’t u just want to NOT talk about HIM??

N: ass…not HIM…*meaningfully*…HIM

(since shes a girl…she gets it)

S: oooooohhhhh……..HIM?....well….*pseudo calmly*…just talked to him for an hour….

N: ommiigooodddddd…..*wild war dance follows yelp of excitement*

S: yea yea….*smug*

N: haha…*suddenly feeling better*

We talk for 2.45 hours and analyse whatever has been said and a lot which was unsaid but ‘felt’….

Feel a whole lot better and realize that I disagree with Simon Cowell ….people CAN be happy when friends have good things going for them…plus it only helps life that HE msged back said “hey….dont know if I was lucky enough to miss any msg or call from you…but just thought you should know…my cell stopped working for a while…so do get back to me asap if you DID try to contact me…and even if you didnt…cant wait…xoxo”

Hehehehahahaha….*heaven thou art not that far*

My cup runneth over…..:)

Fictitous Meeting

okay....inspired by a very very close friend...i will shove dignity aside and put forth an almost fantastical scenario of the 'perfect' yet never-happening/deluded meeting with HIM...yes...the one who WILL make my heart go pitty pat and my palms sweat abonormally....whose eyes will make my body melt into this puddle of buttery mess...whose energy will drive me crazy!....enough about the fictional him....*dragging tongue back from the ground where it fell panting*.....only condition...it has to be semi-plausable so all hope is not lost!...Let us call the girl N!!!

PLACE-Theatre fest!
TIME-Evening
SITUATION-We just performed our Stage Play that N co-directed!!! (its a fantasy for gods sake!)

Audience:WooHoo.....awesum!...encore(okay so now we're in France....*thinking*....maybe not)

Us:modest blushes all around(Priyam mutters congratulations to herself)

N climbs down and goes out of the building for a breather
flushed with success N tries and understand just how precious this moment is
and how all the work has been worth it...

(N's narration begins)

a footstep is heard

this grungy looking guy is smoking behind me...
slightly more concious....i arrange my feet in a less tangled heap as casually as possible
while trying to see just how cute he is by pretending to look at the clock behind him...

'its 7.30' he murmers almost caressingly without looking at me
i freeze ....hes somehow managed to come right next to me while i eyed the clock
(stupid stupid me i curse....what is hes a psycho killer yelps my brain)

as i scramble for an answer he turns towards me...and i see...his eyes are black...not brown but black...a deep mesmerising i-cant-look-away black...i realize im gaping....

ohmigod ohmigoddddd....im sitting next to a sex god !!!!!!(screams my head)
N-(composedly) thanks

SG(Sex God)-so, i saw your play...nice bit of writing
(sits exactly 6 and half inches away from me...but whose measuring?)

N-(DO not say something stupid)thaaaanks *weird crooked half smiley* (why the f*** did u smile like that?)

SG-so who worked on the script (putting out his ciggie...with long lean tanned fingers i might add....jesus!!!)

N-uhh mostly S and ...(voice trails away as realization hits...Bloody hell hes gonna go to her now...no no no no nooooooo!)
....(no wait...hes not going...hes looking straight at me...i cant breathe...)

N-so what did u like about the play? (im not freakin lettin u go even if i gotta chain u here to a tree myself)

SG-well the interplay between...bla bla(intellectual nonsense which only makes me fall more deeply in love)

(appreciates all the right things and points out the less obvious errors)

we chat for 2.45 hours(ITS A FANTASY PEOPLE)....i get some semblance of sense in my words desperate to impress him and keep him just where he is....next to me!)

random guy walks in....'uhh Sir'....stops uncertainly as he sees us

(What???...Sir???....WTF!)
i turn to him in confusion

he casually turns ....then gives me a half smile.....a once over (ohbloodyfabuloso...those EYES!)....motions for me to stay where i am.....murmers 'dont take it too seriously' then leaps up and walks in with the guy

(It???? It??.....what It?...Us it?....Do we qualify as a Us???.....)

suddenly random guy comes out looking star struck.....takes a few deep breaths then comes next to me and sits down (what am i a sex goddess tonight?...wow...the perfume realllyyy works!)....wow im so jealous he pronounces!....you TALKED to him!!!...wow...

okay this isnt romantic and who d fk IS this guy?....i look closely...ahh its long lost friend from school who has recognized me....

RG/LLF-still breathing

N-(cautiously) so....umm...who....whats his name again?..i keep forgetting...

RG/LLF looks at me like im crazy!
'thats freakin Kunal Krikiminoshkar!!....seriously gurl you need to get your facts straight!imagine if he had known u didnt totally remember his name!...i mean after a guy wins 3 oscars he would expect people to remember every detail about him'

(well with a 2nd name that complicated who WOULD remember it? my hurt intellect argues!....so that was that...so much for my romance....all dreams shattered ....sigh...don't u DARE hope...accept that your gonna die a virgin with 5 dogs while your pet insects will eat your decaying body when no one comes to find you for 7 months)

RG/LLF is called and goes in...i think about my humiliation and rue ever being born

suddenly young kid approaches me and hands me a note
almost used to surprises i open it unthinkingly...its from HIM!!...gasp gasp...READ READ yell hormones!!!!!

Note(on clean crisp sheet) from SG/KK:i really regret our chat being cut short but unavoidable business called me away. Hope we can continue our chat some other time... I'm not completely sure how you will construe this but i would love to stay in touch with you. My numbers is 9********6. Text me whenever your free, i would hate to remain only partially informed about the benefits of keeping 2 dogs!...:)
Ps-by 'it' i meant what jargon your friend would probably sprout about my qualifications...and yes...we Do qualify as an 'Us'...)
Pps-do call me or in 5 days or i'll be forced to call you from the number i procured from the college!...:)

i read and faint with happiness...life!...go figure!
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FICTION!!!!!!!.....duh!
but pleasant nonetheless!...:P