I honestly have like a weird 'thing' for sad-ish lyrics and feel-good beats! That whole contradiction-is-fun kink probably!... For eg. i distinctly dislike incorrect grammar but dont mind it when people Deliberately mess around with words..ie. 'sad-ish'. haha. My dad hates my saying 'blah' too, apparently its not a real word. WordWeb defines it as "Pompous or pretentious talk or writing". See dad, it does exist!
Anyway, so i got up today determined to find a way to liberation. Yeah, its THAT easy!
First step. No Expectations (That an Art Excel course at the age of 11 taught me)
None whatsoever. No expecting a reply to that wall post/sms/phone call. But then, and here is MY modification, dont let anyone treat you like trash. You're totally allowed to disregard THEIR wall post/sms/phone call/other means of communication in the 21st century.
Second. Dont let your blood pressure gurgle up to a scary (and medically improbable) 700 when someone makes a sexist remark. Let them be. They obviously dont know enough. Face it, anyone with miniscule grey cells will KNOW equality is simply non-negotiable. And if they want to stick by common notions of women... well, their loss. Literally! They get to lose out on so much sense and are free to let the world witness exactly how deprived of intellect they are. (ps- you can also comment on them in your blog to vent!) :D
Thirdly. find your pal. No, not your oldest friend or person who you drink coffee with. Find someone who cares enough to wanna be near you and with whom you have a bond. No definition of 'bond'. Its different for everyone. Mine? Well, someone who you can text the abosolute worst/random/gushy/gooey/angry thing and expect a nod as a reply. (cuz they know you and know why you're saying what you are...)
And the last way that i considered. Was books. Yeah, the very same things you pass on your way to work everyday. Which you always wish you had more time to hang out with. They're the buddies you ignore and rarely prioritise. Basically when brain needs fodder just grab that hardbound copy of XYZ and thumb through its familiar pages. Nothing quite like living in a shared world. Where you allow no one but the writers words and your vision of them to spring up. (Tv is great too but then YOUR personal vision is extremely limited)
Liberation, for the lucky ones born in a democracy, is a state of mind for the most part.
We are as happy as we think we are.
We are as satisfied as we want to be.
To quote a line from Readers Digest..."we have an immense amount of input into the person we become"......We just need to allow ourselves to be what we really want.
So close to Independance day. I want to be Liberated.
In fact, in true Reiki style...i declare. I choose to be Liberated!
Happy Independence Day...for whatever it means to everyone!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Theme Blue!
The only semi-interesting thing my cell is capable of is changing its 'theme'. Now ive made it a pretty some-sea-in-the-world blue. Pretty.
Have also discovered some alarming truths!
-any poem which starts with a 'red cheeked giant' does not go down well with an audience. any audience.
-people in chennai have a scheme which gives them 500 free national sms's. people in delhi are deprived. :(
-its a lil tough to be honest to people you're too close to. also especially hard to be unbiased. (i already knew that but its been reinforced)
-i dont really like talking on the phone that much. unless of course its ahem calling. in which case, its super hard to erase that grin from my face.
-Y is a supportive friend even with his tendency to sigh/gush/talk ONLY about how great it feels to be madly in love. R, you be lucky girl! :D
-writers block feels funny. a writers block that limits itself to 'good' writing is terribly unfunny.
-i need to finish ALL my course books by Sunday which is *counts on fingers* about 5 days away.
-FF keeps invading my dreams. Whats alarming? Let me rephrase. FF keeps invading my dreams.
-on a completely different topic, i hate my naps getting interrupted. :D
and on that randoohhhm note, i shall pirouette away for lack of anything better to do!
Toodles y'all. *waves to computer screen*
ps-i love Big Bang Theory! :P
pps-since you've stuck around to read ALL this ...quick question...how many times must a person come in your dream until he/she is officially your crush? ....:P
*bahahah*....so strange be words. so full of meaning! *click*
Have also discovered some alarming truths!
-any poem which starts with a 'red cheeked giant' does not go down well with an audience. any audience.
-people in chennai have a scheme which gives them 500 free national sms's. people in delhi are deprived. :(
-its a lil tough to be honest to people you're too close to. also especially hard to be unbiased. (i already knew that but its been reinforced)
-i dont really like talking on the phone that much. unless of course its ahem calling. in which case, its super hard to erase that grin from my face.
-Y is a supportive friend even with his tendency to sigh/gush/talk ONLY about how great it feels to be madly in love. R, you be lucky girl! :D
-writers block feels funny. a writers block that limits itself to 'good' writing is terribly unfunny.
-i need to finish ALL my course books by Sunday which is *counts on fingers* about 5 days away.
-FF keeps invading my dreams. Whats alarming? Let me rephrase. FF keeps invading my dreams.
-on a completely different topic, i hate my naps getting interrupted. :D
and on that randoohhhm note, i shall pirouette away for lack of anything better to do!
Toodles y'all. *waves to computer screen*
ps-i love Big Bang Theory! :P
pps-since you've stuck around to read ALL this ...quick question...how many times must a person come in your dream until he/she is officially your crush? ....:P
*bahahah*....so strange be words. so full of meaning! *click*
Monday, August 11, 2008
A heavy straw
with the constant ticking
of the pincers of time,
ideas considered first
centuries ago,
are once more scrutinized
in not a gaze vague,
they're ripped for meaning,
there's desperation vivid
in the fanatical gleam
of a hungry eye,
as it searches for that metaphorical light,
we claw at the thin veil
that bars from us, air
crumbling dynasties and forlorn hopes
are all buried together in a single tomb
transparencies needed
shrieks a part of the mind,
not a dull moment too many
as with each step
emotions get intensified,
the music swells
and then fades away
of course, there will be no answers
till we have questions ready framed.
Aug 11 2008
Unflinchingly, i accept ambiguity
Keeping my fingers crossed
for the very best
But also knowing, as people do,
that sometimes change is something good.
No more unconsciously catering to anyone but me.
of the pincers of time,
ideas considered first
centuries ago,
are once more scrutinized
in not a gaze vague,
they're ripped for meaning,
there's desperation vivid
in the fanatical gleam
of a hungry eye,
as it searches for that metaphorical light,
we claw at the thin veil
that bars from us, air
crumbling dynasties and forlorn hopes
are all buried together in a single tomb
transparencies needed
shrieks a part of the mind,
not a dull moment too many
as with each step
emotions get intensified,
the music swells
and then fades away
of course, there will be no answers
till we have questions ready framed.
Aug 11 2008
Unflinchingly, i accept ambiguity
Keeping my fingers crossed
for the very best
But also knowing, as people do,
that sometimes change is something good.
No more unconsciously catering to anyone but me.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Edit-ed
In the midst of drama, stands ydays memory of our director B turning to me and sayin 'i hear the most interesting things coming from you but i still dont think i KNOW you. I am totally intrigued by you. Tell me, what does theatre mean to you?' Of course i ended up saying a lot and talking about how special it was to perform 'Toba Tek Singh' in my 1st year. It was an experience that cannot ever be summed up in words. Like a painting that touches something infinitesimally small inside of you, ill always treasure it cuz of the way it made me feel. Naturally, i didnt say the exact same thing to him. The same emotions can be moulded in different words and im only too aware of that. Basically, theres something lyrical about the whole aura of the stage. Extremely personal and exceedingly worthwhile if the journey is lead by someone who knows what to do. Our director B, knows what he's doing! And i too know, even if he exposes all of ones vulnerabilities...we're all safe with him. And that security is priceless.
I actually edited this post, earlier it was so whiny that even when i logged off it kept bothering me. I kept wondering why i felt like posting something which made me grumpy for about 5 seconds. When i think of the great stuff in the world....when there is so much to look forward to. it seems almost ridiculously inappropriate to focus on the small stuff. This is not how i want to remember days... i dont want to hold on to negativities. Just saw Grey's Anatomy. The last narratorial line was... 'the people who suffer the most are the ones who dont know what they want'. So true. Makes it worthwhile buying all available seasons. And im not joking. Love the relationship Burke shares with Christina. Its like he knows her.....adores her for who she is. While she has no qualms about being perceived as an ambitous perfectionist. Absolutely fantastic. I dont think i get Meredith's and McDreamys story though...when you want someone, why on Earth would you not be with them? Most people would shrug off soaps as not worthy of attention.... but i think their portrayal of life merits notice. One day, maybe i can translate a vision on screen as well. Scriptwriting as a career! Hell yeah! :D
X-Peace-X
Ps-i had a talk with Y (old friend) right now and he surprised with his maturity. Said "dont step in the boat unless you wanna travel in it." wrt my not wanting a typical relationship with xyz but not minding confessions of feelings. I feel humbled. Thank you for talking some sense when i desperately needed to hear the truth without the fluff.
I actually edited this post, earlier it was so whiny that even when i logged off it kept bothering me. I kept wondering why i felt like posting something which made me grumpy for about 5 seconds. When i think of the great stuff in the world....when there is so much to look forward to. it seems almost ridiculously inappropriate to focus on the small stuff. This is not how i want to remember days... i dont want to hold on to negativities. Just saw Grey's Anatomy. The last narratorial line was... 'the people who suffer the most are the ones who dont know what they want'. So true. Makes it worthwhile buying all available seasons. And im not joking. Love the relationship Burke shares with Christina. Its like he knows her.....adores her for who she is. While she has no qualms about being perceived as an ambitous perfectionist. Absolutely fantastic. I dont think i get Meredith's and McDreamys story though...when you want someone, why on Earth would you not be with them? Most people would shrug off soaps as not worthy of attention.... but i think their portrayal of life merits notice. One day, maybe i can translate a vision on screen as well. Scriptwriting as a career! Hell yeah! :D
X-Peace-X
Ps-i had a talk with Y (old friend) right now and he surprised with his maturity. Said "dont step in the boat unless you wanna travel in it." wrt my not wanting a typical relationship with xyz but not minding confessions of feelings. I feel humbled. Thank you for talking some sense when i desperately needed to hear the truth without the fluff.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Hoye!
The one up there knows i never (ever) thought i would EVER agree with anything that came out of Katrina Kaif's mouth!.....for the ignorant, she's a bollywood actress (i refuse the popular term of 'actor' regardless of sex)...But life springs up one surprise after the other! (with annoying consistency)...so, while promoting her new flick 'Singh is King' (ratings by HT stand at 2 measly stars)...said...when you're 18-19-20...simply EVERYTHING seems like the end of the world!....Gist? Constant rollercoaster (as made famous by ronan keating in a song i used to adore) life is!......... FUN! (sometimes for reaaal!)
Lemme be more explicit! ..my nets been throwing some major tantrums...so ive managed that by ignoring them and praying for an irraional miracle to sort out the problem (it came true btw)...So now...ive shopped for Sh's bday gift (errr... her parties been postponed by a week thanks to the rain god!..grr)....gone for a sleepover at Silly Billys....met R (the exceedingly famous bf)...gabbed with v-kid...realized the extent of my oops-this-is-a-crush phase...got just a teensy bit bored of FF....almost finished reading Frankenstein (pretttyyyy nice)...decided the perfect dress for the postponed party....analysed life...and gone through a MAJOR im-so-giddy-with-glee dancing/bouncing 15 minutes routine. Im happy!
Hence i agree with Kaif. Its so very easy to make a situation feel like it IS the end of everything. But i dont think there is an age limit attached to this wild-drama... its kinda timeless. We all have that small part of us that wants to prance around and spin in circles till we can barely catch our breath. Its just that at some ages its more acceptable to be caught doing so!
But im kinda resolved now..... Count this as my Half Year Resolution plan.
To be more silent... To think carefully... avoid the valleys of depression (not the clinical one!).. enjoy conversations... and not let anyone convince me that what i have...what i do... what i am ... is inadequate. Ever.
I am sure its gonna be one hell of a year... one hell of a life... one awesome experience. But im gonna slow down when i need to . and not apologize for it.
ps-ive totally started gushing bout awww moments! just ask S! (she hates it!) :D
Lemme be more explicit! ..my nets been throwing some major tantrums...so ive managed that by ignoring them and praying for an irraional miracle to sort out the problem (it came true btw)...So now...ive shopped for Sh's bday gift (errr... her parties been postponed by a week thanks to the rain god!..grr)....gone for a sleepover at Silly Billys....met R (the exceedingly famous bf)...gabbed with v-kid...realized the extent of my oops-this-is-a-crush phase...got just a teensy bit bored of FF....almost finished reading Frankenstein (pretttyyyy nice)...decided the perfect dress for the postponed party....analysed life...and gone through a MAJOR im-so-giddy-with-glee dancing/bouncing 15 minutes routine. Im happy!
Hence i agree with Kaif. Its so very easy to make a situation feel like it IS the end of everything. But i dont think there is an age limit attached to this wild-drama... its kinda timeless. We all have that small part of us that wants to prance around and spin in circles till we can barely catch our breath. Its just that at some ages its more acceptable to be caught doing so!
But im kinda resolved now..... Count this as my Half Year Resolution plan.
To be more silent... To think carefully... avoid the valleys of depression (not the clinical one!).. enjoy conversations... and not let anyone convince me that what i have...what i do... what i am ... is inadequate. Ever.
I am sure its gonna be one hell of a year... one hell of a life... one awesome experience. But im gonna slow down when i need to . and not apologize for it.
ps-ive totally started gushing bout awww moments! just ask S! (she hates it!) :D
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
What are YOU waiting for?
Sometimes my friends come up with real gems of knowledge...says S on the phone one day...
"Godot is our sex life"....i of course add, "or lack thereof"...Basically substitute the sex with romance and you have MY take on life as it stands today.... Waiting for Godot is this existentialist play by Beckett that talks about two guys who are constantly waiting for this character called Godot. There is literally no linear movement in the play where each day these 2 guys come and keep waiting for him. Symbolic point being, this Godot chap- wont come. But not accepting it and trying each day is what survival is about. (people link it to the death of God historically cuz of lack of faith etc.) Being who we are...we replace the metaphor of God with Romance. We too sit under that tree (in the play) and wait. We go about our mundane actions...meaningless cyclical actions (in keeping with the existentialist tradition) and wait. Wait for that elusive Godot who promises to come another day...everyday. Not even the L word anymore. Its not about love. Its about the idyllic semi-deluded ...fascinating...lyrical...stereotypical romance...complete with the bouncing feet and head in the clouds. Someone to think about...someone whose messages you wanna save ... someone who wont really play complicated mind games. Your usual simple intelligent fun bloke ...when sparks fly around. Like Diwali without the fear of getting burnt...
So in yet another convoluted conversation with S...
i childishly demanded... "if we deserve better then how is it we dont get it?".....
She philosophically responded ..."Because waiting is a part of everyones life. Because at the end of the wait is your answer."
I wont delve too deeply into my tantrum where i pretty much expected her to know everything... i distinctly remember texting suff like..."where effing is he?"... Of course, there is always the alternative of looking around to see if anyones interesting...but the whole issue is...why? Why should one have to LOOK? Why cant it irrationally fall into a clear pattern at the times one needs it? Why must it be this HUGE mystery? Cant we really shove the fuss aside and peer casually into the future and STOP wasting time with the inconsequentials? FF for eg. Currently seems kinda adorable in the intelligent bloke way...but for how long? Will he too become another V-kid with his eeeee side popping out? Will it become scary (for me) like ad? Wariness inducing like YNP? Time-consumingly exhausting like Daffy? OR will it continue to be friendly-banter that one randomly gets bored of? What will it really be? Will this 'x' person be worth the wait or a huge disappointment like rex? Is everyone lucky enough to find mutual attraction-liking-respect? Will it all end in a compromise? *shudders*....what DOES the future hold? and when will this headache ebb away? Will a day come...when i simply dont care?
"Godot is our sex life"....i of course add, "or lack thereof"...Basically substitute the sex with romance and you have MY take on life as it stands today.... Waiting for Godot is this existentialist play by Beckett that talks about two guys who are constantly waiting for this character called Godot. There is literally no linear movement in the play where each day these 2 guys come and keep waiting for him. Symbolic point being, this Godot chap- wont come. But not accepting it and trying each day is what survival is about. (people link it to the death of God historically cuz of lack of faith etc.) Being who we are...we replace the metaphor of God with Romance. We too sit under that tree (in the play) and wait. We go about our mundane actions...meaningless cyclical actions (in keeping with the existentialist tradition) and wait. Wait for that elusive Godot who promises to come another day...everyday. Not even the L word anymore. Its not about love. Its about the idyllic semi-deluded ...fascinating...lyrical...stereotypical romance...complete with the bouncing feet and head in the clouds. Someone to think about...someone whose messages you wanna save ... someone who wont really play complicated mind games. Your usual simple intelligent fun bloke ...when sparks fly around. Like Diwali without the fear of getting burnt...
So in yet another convoluted conversation with S...
i childishly demanded... "if we deserve better then how is it we dont get it?".....
She philosophically responded ..."Because waiting is a part of everyones life. Because at the end of the wait is your answer."
I wont delve too deeply into my tantrum where i pretty much expected her to know everything... i distinctly remember texting suff like..."where effing is he?"... Of course, there is always the alternative of looking around to see if anyones interesting...but the whole issue is...why? Why should one have to LOOK? Why cant it irrationally fall into a clear pattern at the times one needs it? Why must it be this HUGE mystery? Cant we really shove the fuss aside and peer casually into the future and STOP wasting time with the inconsequentials? FF for eg. Currently seems kinda adorable in the intelligent bloke way...but for how long? Will he too become another V-kid with his eeeee side popping out? Will it become scary (for me) like ad? Wariness inducing like YNP? Time-consumingly exhausting like Daffy? OR will it continue to be friendly-banter that one randomly gets bored of? What will it really be? Will this 'x' person be worth the wait or a huge disappointment like rex? Is everyone lucky enough to find mutual attraction-liking-respect? Will it all end in a compromise? *shudders*....what DOES the future hold? and when will this headache ebb away? Will a day come...when i simply dont care?
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Evolution
So yday was when my mum turned a grand 50...now she doesnt look 50 from any angle...even though it may SEEM like im being biased, am really not...thanks to 10 km walks+yoga+eating right (most of the time) and the above regime for the past 5 years..she looks closer to a radiant 40! (for real!)...but the best part? she hasnt lost her spirit...when i was 10 years old and had to describe my mum in class (eng class), i vividly remember using the word "jolly".... shes got that whole free spirit..awesomely happy...red cheeks glow thing about her. You cannot...cannot help being enveloped in this aura of love when you're around her. you simply have to love her...even if you arent her biological kid!..... A lot of my friends have called her 'beautiful' but im not really talking about external beauty here...its more about the person that she is and what she stands for....deeply spiritual...extremely loving...and just plain old trusting. Basically, mum is 'rocking' (and S is sure to cringe NOW) :)
Dad ended up surprising her at Taj during dinner...she thought we're out for our average close-4 family dinner thing...but he secretly invited some relative+assorted friends too!... But what i really ended up doing was listening. I lent both my ears to the conversations that surged up around me. For starters theres this clear demarcation of men from women (even in a round table for 10)...the women discuss jewellery (mums a designer)....sister talks to old relative aunt bout 'Voice of India' (i assume she was humouring the elderly lady) while dad's conversation was what i was totally fascinated with... They discussed everything from astrology (wrt recent lunar eclipse) politics (through the perspective of bureaucrats) oil prices, land prices and chinese jasmine tea in clearing ones palate.. (we were in the 'House of Ming'... no fortune cookies though :(..) ..what really aroused my curiosity however was when one uncle lowered his voice to talk about political pressure on bla bla... (later i even made papa repeat the conversation!...childish but i wanted to make sure i got my facts straight)... Point being that women are not frivolous... aunty 1 is the editor of a well known paper... aunty 2, well i dont know what she does...and mum is fantastically hard working, articulate and reasonably well-informed... So how do 3 women end up discussing ornaments of luxury while their male counterparts adopt the more traditional role of 'men of business'? Is this role-play so deeply embedded in our psyche that we drift to it unconsciously? ....Maybe dissection of social events is kinda cool...opens up your mind to hidden things!
Anyway, so what else did I do?.. Oh i had fun! Finally took dads advice (which he recommends to everyone) to heart... 'Its always good to talk less' ....and wrapped it round my head... i ended up noticing a lotta stuff... like how nearly all the other patrons of the hotel seemed to be exquisitely groomed and irrevocable unattractive (weird right?) .Their look?..with polished nails...shiny hair (the kind only permanent straightening will lead to)... beautiful clothes...better bags... higher heels... and delicious cars...they symbolised the crème de la crème of Delhi... But in the most typical fashion... it all seemed kind of hollow. The majorily of them looked dissatisfied and grumpy while the rest looked enviously on at others who were better turned out. So when is good enough..enough? Apparently only when you're happy within. Why else do i dip my toes (fingers, nose...self) in spiritualism? Cuz, frrrrrankly... its the only way (for me) to be really happy and detached enough to notice the fantastic material things (like gleaming Gucci bags) and not feel at all deprived when they're not in my own closet! Fashion is wonderful too but only as long as it doesnt make you feel terrible!
Cheers!
Dad ended up surprising her at Taj during dinner...she thought we're out for our average close-4 family dinner thing...but he secretly invited some relative+assorted friends too!... But what i really ended up doing was listening. I lent both my ears to the conversations that surged up around me. For starters theres this clear demarcation of men from women (even in a round table for 10)...the women discuss jewellery (mums a designer)....sister talks to old relative aunt bout 'Voice of India' (i assume she was humouring the elderly lady) while dad's conversation was what i was totally fascinated with... They discussed everything from astrology (wrt recent lunar eclipse) politics (through the perspective of bureaucrats) oil prices, land prices and chinese jasmine tea in clearing ones palate.. (we were in the 'House of Ming'... no fortune cookies though :(..) ..what really aroused my curiosity however was when one uncle lowered his voice to talk about political pressure on bla bla... (later i even made papa repeat the conversation!...childish but i wanted to make sure i got my facts straight)... Point being that women are not frivolous... aunty 1 is the editor of a well known paper... aunty 2, well i dont know what she does...and mum is fantastically hard working, articulate and reasonably well-informed... So how do 3 women end up discussing ornaments of luxury while their male counterparts adopt the more traditional role of 'men of business'? Is this role-play so deeply embedded in our psyche that we drift to it unconsciously? ....Maybe dissection of social events is kinda cool...opens up your mind to hidden things!
Anyway, so what else did I do?.. Oh i had fun! Finally took dads advice (which he recommends to everyone) to heart... 'Its always good to talk less' ....and wrapped it round my head... i ended up noticing a lotta stuff... like how nearly all the other patrons of the hotel seemed to be exquisitely groomed and irrevocable unattractive (weird right?) .Their look?..with polished nails...shiny hair (the kind only permanent straightening will lead to)... beautiful clothes...better bags... higher heels... and delicious cars...they symbolised the crème de la crème of Delhi... But in the most typical fashion... it all seemed kind of hollow. The majorily of them looked dissatisfied and grumpy while the rest looked enviously on at others who were better turned out. So when is good enough..enough? Apparently only when you're happy within. Why else do i dip my toes (fingers, nose...self) in spiritualism? Cuz, frrrrrankly... its the only way (for me) to be really happy and detached enough to notice the fantastic material things (like gleaming Gucci bags) and not feel at all deprived when they're not in my own closet! Fashion is wonderful too but only as long as it doesnt make you feel terrible!
Cheers!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)