'Mithas'

I love music. No, i do. I may not know every genre around or every elusive artist who's worshipped by the special few. But music does something. Theres a flow. Like in the tapping of a keyboard. The consistency as one taps down word after word. Click-click and thoughts articulated. Sweet. Dont know if it makes any sense....but it does to me. a rhythm. the 'dhum' of an instrument unknown. (ah ignorance you embrace me so hard) when your body can sway... flow... melt like water. become one with the soul of what you're hearing.

Its not about fancy lyrics or heart rending declarations of ideologies...its the intake of a breath of fresh air after hours of being in a stuffy room. When you inhale....and the relief of sweet cold water traveling down your parched throat (that you never knew was so parched). As you rock back and fro, right in one place and press re-wind on your ipod. its livng more in the present than ever before. In Nalick's words...."Just breathe"

Ps- Had a fantastic day just because it was so ordinary. Am so blessed to enjoy so much joy in an average day. Thank you God. Its days like this, when thread together, you look back on and think...'yes, i had a great life'.

Ding Dong. wham bam?

Theres a lot going on as of now...( this is gonna sound ridiculous by the end of the post)

Sh has bounced into a relationship. Yup. the super(dupah) genius herself...and S and i didnt even know they invented guys that smart (i know..i know.. sexist)
Just a few weeks ago, Sh and i were talking about the whole elements table thing (periodic table?)...where some elements were put into place before they had been technically FOUND (im really bad at science)...so...she had said something about "the" guy being something like that... you're aware (vaguely) that he DOES in fact exist...but no ones pin pointed him as of now... the Mysterious Man who wont be an ass. (i know i know...sexist again)

Moving on, the thing is.. a lot is also GOING to happen..so im kinda puttin in my efforts to prepare myself for the same. We leave for IIT-K really soon... i wonder if it'll be as awesome as it was the last time we went. Probably not...cuz of all the expectations and stuff. But at least i'll get to listen to some decent music and indulge in 5 hour discussions about absolutely nothing with people that im very close to. :)... Plus V will be there.. :D miss v!!!!!!.... pune is lucky to have her most of the year!....

This year really nothing has worked out as i had anticipated. I left Theatre. *breathes* Its still hard to think about it. Have become this person who is someone i dont quite 'get'. if you know what i mean..which you probably dont..cuz I dont. so how can you? *see see*...the person i know as me wouldnt talk like that.

Managed to gradually disassociate with people who werent healthy for my peace of mind and yeah...got a face-changing haircut. yea yea...trivial i know...:D
Somehow this already feels like December... a time to make resolutions feel! im obviously not quite normal in the head (no wisecracks S!)
but i think im happy. Even though i dont know EVERYTHING in the world and every single detail about how the future is gonna turn up (with pink ribbons or silver?).... im going with the flow cuz i have to... im enjoying it (warily) cuz i choose to.

signing off in the pink of health!
*touchwood*
muah!
*there are very few things writing-it-out doesnt help in*

Pampered no more! -Updated

Okay..so im not well and grumpy... Maybe im grumpy BECAUSE im not well... *argh, of course*
Correct me if im wrong (which im not btw) but isnt it written somewhere in the constitution that "when thy is ill, then pampered you shall be"...or maybe its the Bible..i dont really know.
What i DO however know is...the world is supposed to be revolving around the greatest and most childish ME right now. Thats right, you heard me... i should be carried from one room to the other on the backs of Egyptian slaves who will feed me rare berries at regular intervals. And also fan me with orange silk fans. But thats not whats happened. (i know, shocking right?)

Mom has (unreasonably) decided i must go to the Doctor. Now how ridiculous IS that? Who goes to the doc when they're unwell? Exactly, no one! I knew it. Its just a sham to drag me out of my room for a couple of hours so that they can paint it an awful parrot green. Why? Well, i just know these things. And plus no one is being AT ALL sympathetic... yesterday when i wanted to sleep ON the bedcover...mum said no! how hardhearted IS that???...i mean...here i am...sprawled on the bed and wanting to sleep on the bedcover cuz it gives me a sense of joy and perfection...and people have to take that away from me too. *sniff sniff*

But before you all start weeping let me tell you a little secret...its okay..im gonna make it...no really! i have it from reliable sources (umm, they dont wanna be disclosed) that im not gonna die from a tummy ache just yet. Okay, i guess i havent been COMPLETELY honest...when we were going to Pattaya without my parents to the beach..sister and i were given 2 basic instructions
-no outside food
-no going in the sea water

well, we kinda stayed in the sea water for about 7 hours...and ate some Thai food. ahem. technically 'outside' food...but in order to justify our actions... we werent like eating OUTSIDE food cuz were IN Thailand..so thats local food and the sea water..well who goes to the beach and doesnt swim??? But try telling that to my tummy who refuses to recognize my logic and insists on proving my parents instuctions as right. hmmpf. Typical, take THEIR side.
So now what? Guess i gotta go to the Doc...:(
Unless of course i get completely well by 3 this afternoon *beams*
oh well...in hope we all continue to live.
ciao.

Update
So i went to the doctor (yea yea GASP)...but its all (semi) okay now...*beams*
yay for medicine. :P
ps-im daaaaamn whiny!..oh well..*shrugs*

Reality-Finally!

Wow...what a way to celebrate the 200th post...yes, nows your cue to cheer :D
Im back. Yup. The family holiday got over and honestly im in love. Not with the place...not with the people...not with anyone in particular. More like an idea. See, after years of putting it off (subconsciously saving the best for later i tell myself)...i read Ayn Rand' The Fountainhead. No i will not gush. I will not become a cliche'. I will not talk about the 5 pens i used up scribbling my thoughts on pages that never seemed to end..and that i almost clung to (i didnt even want it to end...cuz then there would be the resolution...and god help someone out there if it wasn't just bloody fantastic)...luckily..it was. but not in an obscene way. In a life-goes-on but lets-be-strong way. Okay, my way of expressing it is too poor but ...it changed stuff. It changed how i viewed stuff for the past few days. I think it may just have changed me for good. Oh damn. Ive never been a good adapter.

But lets talk about the weekend. Not in chronological order cuz that would just be an insult. Okay, not really. but ahhhhh. So bloody much to say/think/feel. One constant thought. Im in love. The sea...finalllyyyyy....im back to loving it in the same-yet-different way. It kinda pulls you in...(yes, i am aware of the scientific facts behind the tug..have had my basic education you know!)...and if you look at it from a certain angle (my angle)...it pulls away your negativity and swallows it up whole. A LOT of embarrassing stuff happened... i wore the wrong kinda shirt (ahem)....tore my Pjs (badlyyy!!)....kicked/punched someone really helpful (purely by accident)....it was all unplanned and messed up..but i had a blast. Went on a banana boat (which basically tosses you out into the ocean at regular painful intervals).....Jet Ski-eddddd....just wallowed in the water.....and gave-in. To what? Just thoughts. I dont know. Its been a strange 4 days (maybe 5). But im SO super glad i went. A lot of stuff has changed. For starters there is still tons of water in my ear! Im totally outta the loop )study wise. And i met a pal. Someone who i connected with...and that is super-rare. Thank you Sa (pal)...sorry for accidently punching+kicking you. :D i dont know why i added the smiley! But somehow...you made the trip 79% of what it was! :):):)

Not a typical post...but then..what is? :P
Im BACK!
ps-Will try and put up some snaps!
ps2- i feel like im in this bubble that cant be pierced...its not exactly happy-happy...cuz that would be temporary..more like a cushion...that even if stuff gets to me...it wont get to ME. like, there will always be a part that gets squashed...but also another part (in that same squashed part) who will be okay. And being okay is very important.

Gotta keep moving. :D

Nothing in 'vain'

Okay, im totaaally crawling out of that mini-crater i fell into. (metaphorically)
Got a fabulous 'new' haircut. God! What IS it about having someone else wash/gently massage your hair and then having it expertly cut and blow dried to perfection?
Note- Man is a vain creature, who likes his luxuries. (Of course man refers to humanity as a whole...didnt have time to make it feministic-ally correct..forgive me my spunky ancestors)

Spunky- now THERES a word i like. Its got that whole kickass feel behind it. Almost something you would expect a younger arnold schwarzenegger to whisper to a co-worker whose just saved the world from a massive alien invasion. "you know baby, this is somehting i jusss gOttttta tell you...*cough cough*...you got some mighty fine spunk"... and the co-worker wouldnt simper sweetly but probably blow up another alien that was about to kill arnold. (i should REALLY not watch so much TV)

Speaking of which Private Practice seems like a nice carry-on version of Greys Anatomy. No really, i thought it would be crap and stuff...but very nice. Alisons moved on to a 'new' place with new people and well........somehow, i like it. Makes sense to move on from the dead past right? or even dormant complicated past! *yay* So i got a haircut and she moved to a different city and started a new kind of Medical Practice...parallel lives eh?

Other than the usual...there are possibilities of great plans...a family holiday maybe! *yaaaay*...just to make sure im all packing up (mentally) and yeah...somewhere between soup+salad last night and an 8am drink of water...i seem to have given a ride to some passing germs. Got cold :(
Oh boohoo...at least my hair looks fabulous!...okay, vain day it is! Cheer for me Universe!
:D

The VERY First Time.

With so many 'firsts' yet to happen, its a mystery anything ever happens twice. Or even thrice. Its especially sad if its the same old mistake accidently stuck on 'repeat' mode. I could use a lot of fancy metaphors (distinctly recall using one about scraped knees on the same old rock) or i could just be honest. blunt. upfront. Oh screw it all. Balls to the world i say and turn away. Temper tantrum, very mature i know. *grimaces*

So now, i will tap and talk. Talk in the sense of ideas. But not be blunt. Cuz spelling everything out is driving me insane/up the wall/nuts/crazy... making me tired/exhausted/exasperated. I feel like im trapped in a weird world where i even need to offer alternatives for simple emotions.
Post-its. Yes, thats whats needed. Mini yellow(?) post-its. With ink on em. Scribbled words. Half baked promises. Urgent to-do lists. Post-its. Which Lisa Kudrow had once claimed to invent (Ronnie and Michelle' high school reunion something...look up star movie listings some 3-7 years ago to place it).......Thats the solution to all of lifes mini problems. Post-its.

Sing it out loud. Embrace not knowing what to believe in and then, believe in that.
Violet Flame. White Light. Yogic Asanas. Your own controted vision of faith. A rock, a clay figure, a framed picture. Faith Faith Faith. Just one of those days. Only, its been nearly a month and no diagnosis. There is none. *pulls glum face* What to leave and what not to. So tough. Bloody crumbs. A fraction of what i need to know. *thinks...or tries to...pretends to?....thinks of thinking* ah.

Have hit upon it. Its one of those moments in a tragicomedy where you've hit the dumps and cant sink any lower. When the audience winces as the world comes crashing down. Or maybe its morale failure. Oops say the doctors as they see it plummeting. The doctor takes off glasses and begins to clean them with a white scrap of fabric.

"we tried our very best to pull it out of the danger zone but our medicines dont seem to be working..as..uhh..planned...but my Hawaii vacation is, so if you'll excuse me" Doctor moves off stage.

Cue for actress to slump next to wall and crumple into a unrecognizable heap. Preferably with a whine of suppressed emotions or better yet, a wail. Pressure-to-perform killed actresses natural talent, mourns world. Oho. Now everyone is low. Oho. Oho. Oho. *indian twang, preferably stereotypical*

Now what? asks Director.
Arre baba, this is life na. (says universe) dogs eat cookies (it adds)

"no disrespect and all" mumbles Director "but isnt it 'thats the way the cookie crumbles'..."
(Universe is silent)....
Awkward pause.
Then a flash of lightening electrocutes Director.

Note to Self- Universe does NOT like being corrected

Wow, the above made no sense at all.
*proud as a prune on a winter afternoon*
Go on world, spin circles round the sun (pun ) but i can make myself dizzy too. See. All is not lost.

For A. :)

"I want a guy to woo me. To prove to my boyfriend that guys like that exist." -A

Welcome to the 21st century relationship-conversation.
The battle between what a man is and what his girlfriend wants him to be.

There is no resolution.
The End.

Okay, i admit...i can never leave things ambiguous. :).. or incomplete. Unless ofcourse its setting up a weird technical glit-chy thingamagig. (translation- technology related items)
So, was talking to A (after about a gazill years) and the talk turned to her relationship. Four years and still counting. Is it unrealistic to expect the romance to survive 4 harsh winters? (not to mention summers springs monsoons...you get the picture)

Her bf thinks yes. We, naturally, think otherwise. Loud declarations about how its a fundamental right, to articulate what one wants, are made. Positive words conjured up. Heads are scratched and advice showered. Emotions fly unchecked. The Earth continues to revolve at its normal pace and we finally run out of breath. After the clucking subsides, we're kinda left where we started out. Nowhere. When you love someone, no matter how annoyingly irritatingly grr-producing they are...you accept them. (unless ofcourse they're personally responsible for the massacre of red-cheeked lil babies or something)

No matter how freakishly vehement A's words seem to be as they lash out at the male species...i kinda KNOW tomorrow it'll be a distant memory. Girls are kind of predictable that way. So where does MY role come in? Why invest in a conversation thats ultimately gonna trot right back where it began? Well, for starters...you care about your friend (the whole my shoulder is yours bit..:)...) and there doesnt need to be a secondly. Not advocating weekly therapy sessions here but as a pal, you gotta sometimes let people vent it out. And when the steam clears up... you realize just listening helped (also the witty banter but thats another story! :P).

So A, here is to you *raises imaginary glass*... May you find that special someone to woo you and prove to your bf that guys like him exist. And then, when you're spoilt for choice as to whom to choose...call S! *mwahahaha*.... (kidding. well. kinda. you know i love you! hehe)

(Things are only as serious as you make them out to be....even heartbreak can be eclipsed with a timely wisecrack)

ciao :D

In good spirits also because have realized, at some level, what one fears most is getting hurt. And getting hurt isn't that big of a deal anyway. The fear of it is something one has to move beyond. A, proud of you babe. And not even totally sure why! :P