denied music

i admit. I'm disappointed.

(but my hush-hush blog does say.. that its okay, okay to not have the world fall exactly into place. its okay to feel disappointed just as long as you're able to go beyond that. its all okay. because 'in the long run, we're all dead')

Now, songs i've been dying to download (but which isn't happening anytime soon ...sniffles)

James Morrison- Undiscovered

Ian Dury- One love

Blue Cantrell- Hit em up Style

Dido- Don't believe in love

Michaelson- Be okay

Kate Perry-I Kissed a Girl

Des'Ree- You Gotta Be

Barry Manilow- Cant smile without you

Atomic Kitten- The Tide is High

Sheryl Crow- Love is free

Michael Sweet- All i wanna do (is love you)

Pink- So what

One thing i could NEVER be? a music snob :)

nope, not even if i tried! very hard!

sweet-tooth

Just two more assignments to go. JUST TWO. And and and and, one of which is voluntary.. Relief-time. Now! :D

Now if that wasn't reason enough to celebrate... i actually have a list of reasons for huge-smile-plus-natural-joy-in-abundance

-a- S's surprise birthday party went off AS smoothly as possible considering the umm disconnected bits of people we invited. I mean, mixed crowd. But she loved it, so its the intent and result which matter...not the road blocks. This metaphor is SO over-done-cooked-gnawed upon!

-b- I realized there werent enough reasons to feel crummy about. The thing is, moping about with a long face is okay for a bit... but ultimately we owe ourselves enough to cheer up. Seriously, if ever there's a time to advocate selfishness its when it comes to grabbing happiness. Scrub away all the muck thats littering up the room (metaphorically, kinda- my room is a lil bit of a disaster) and feel clean. positive. uplifted? Yes. Happy.

-c- There's a party coming up... in the past, ive always ended up shying away from the more obvious forms of celebrations.. (like parties) but this time, its not your usual deck-up-look-steaming-hot-to-click-pictures kind. its more laidback and happy-zone . Like minded people and loads of chips. Plus theme (which is WHAT btw?...)..

-d- before i forget.... i finally finally finally found an alternative to the chocolate-sin that i've been craving. Jam doughnut-thingy-sugar-explosion! Jam doughnut OKAY!
sounds simple?...haha. you poor ignorant soul yooh!....imagine a doughnut bun with white sugar sprinkled lightly over it in just the 'right' too-sweet quantity... mashed between the two sugared buns oozes pink jam thats just soft enough to melt in your mouth.. plus, its not one of those weird peanut sized barely-there desserts...its whole and fills you up.... makes the 11 month no-chocolate period seem like no big deal. Okay. i found what i'll be going back to next week too! :)
sigh.... someone once said maths and music are connected. I say poetry and food are. *yum*

Just re-living that jammy-doughnut experience has made me happy enough to prance around....*sighhhhhhhs*.......i think its time i go and enjoy the beautiful world that awaits me. see, LYRICAL. Thankyoohh yum food and incredibly talented chefs who make it. :)
You-Will-Be-Blessed...if you aren't already!

ps- my new official 'status' as per thoughts....i'm lending an ear for the very last time...

*peace*

college. *rolls eyes*

Yeah so apparently when i write something i REALLY believe in...no one 'gets' it. That, my friend, is tragic with a capital T. Make that the biggest 'T' your black marker can scrawl on an A4 size sheet. HUGE 'T'. Oh well life must go on and i must make an exaggerated attempt to follow it. Really now, NOT the way to talk...*smacks own self*

Im in college right now waiting for S to finish printing her assignment... Heart of Darkness....yes, we finally got around to it :)
okie...Tring. Bell.. gotta rush :(...wanna write so much more.
(computer poofed on me back home)..typical.

quick nutshell gist-

S's party actually managed to ..happen. yes and God supported both Shruti and i in the most creepy way... Auto's got free...everyone else got delayed (too)..and yeah just the 'right' amount of people showed up. Thankyouzzzz will be bestowed later(maybe)

okay gotta scoot..funti is eyeing the computer.... i mean...really...look away people!
NOW.... seriously...get a life!

ps-anu desperately wants a mention. she NEEDs one. okay, here you go. *pats head*

I know time won't pause and i won't move.

Eliot Eliot Eliot- You are my Prince and everything else.

How wrong is it, to that, give time? (Title)

a squirrel crawled up on my leg
so deep in thought was i
that it, i barely felt
odd, for so much time had been spent
at age eight, in chasing them
their friends, cousins and foes.
chasing them all on foot, at times alone.

today, so deep was that meditative thought
that it sneaked up on me so
did it too feel, the moments blazing intensity?
i patiently waited for it to flee(to go)
(for a man was 'it', or a woman she?)
but imagine my surprise
when it chose instead, to touch me

its tiny paws, fell light on dark denim
cautious footsteps yet unaware of my presence
Is this what they mean
when we're asked to wait?
for heaven to gently fall at our feet
in a heavily engraved metal plate?

What was its intent? i mused
for when i moved
it too scampered away
and i wondered
what would have happened
had it, the courage to stay.
-----

I guess you would call the above a symbolic poetic free verse attempt. Or 45 minutes alone in the chaupal with music post-eliot class.
Is it a rape of emotions to cut them into little pieces and feed them to uncomprehending beasts?

"I'm inhaling the poems whole with no restraint. Letting them rest on my own self, creating acidic reactions like black petals which refuse to melt into the redness of the raw skin. With Prufrock's indecisiveness i sway."-

Ironically, this has been the most vocal i've ever been in any post. Ever. And yet i won't be shocked if no one ever 'gets' it. Guess you gotta be the writer and no one else to know to know EXACTLY what it all means strung together the way it is.

OMG. Last night started out on a super-great note. I'd been wondering if i should give classes a miss and go watch the VERY FIRST performance of mii dramsoc' stage play. *sigh* yes, the one i could have/was a part of till Oct 1st. So, well... was in two minds. BUT THEN... a text came blinkin outta NOWHERE....declaring (in its electronic 'boing') NO CLASSES AT ALL (for ED people..european drama..ie. what i've opted for. meaning? YIPPEEEE)

Now it was so effin unbelievable that i nearly fell off the bed with pure unadulterated joy! Really!
the team did a FABULOUS job and the only crumpled leaf in this garden was not 'accidently' bumping into DawwwGie. but made up for that by hanging out with omigod-drool-drool-drool-etc person. And of course, THE play. the PLAY. THE PLAY. :)
Lord of the Flies. There, now i can announce it to the (blogger)world! :D
Totally amazing novel by William Golding...shares a nearly-similar theme with the likes of The Descent in movies and Heart of Darkness in Literature. But Goldings work gives goosebumps like nothing else.

Plus the acting of the kids was FAB. when i was busy chewing my nails and thinking about Obama, they grew up into reasonably fine actresses! :) (will NOT use 'actor' for both sexes. will NOT).....they can EMOTE people!!!!!!...EMOTE!....aww. could totally see their hard work.
Its been unbelievably tough letting go of the dramsoc... but today i felt really beautiful inside. all warm and happy cuz they HAVE reached where WE ALL wanted to go. and that feels like... heaven? or is that too much of a Raymond-ad cliche'? :D

Ah just got a text from EEEDEH-boy. He may just start to grow on me if i spend more time with him. Now is that a good thing or bad? (that one can get used to almost anything and anyone...given time and lack of serious revulsion)

oh oh oh oh description of XYZABC- (people should get better names. work brain work).... ohhh so godaaaaamn perfect. :)...S, HaaaaaaaallllLppppP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*now reaaaaaally*

Conscious Conscience

If your voice is loud enough (and pleasant enough to the ear) then chances are you're gonna qualify for the street play dramatics team in college. But what about the overtly hyper LOUD annoying conscience that literally takes over when you think of a not-so-nice thought???...

In order to ensure i DONT start (or finish) my Rhinoceros assignment i've been talking on the phone, staring at the sky, discussing law as a career, ruminating on Obama and what i really know about him, wondering if a cow will ever chew ...okay anyway, i've also been surfing online and i landed up on a blog. well, here is the thing...i normally consider myself to be someone who is interested in pretty much everything...salsa sauce, skipping, teenage angst, 10 ways to spell 'hypocrisy' etc... but here was a blog... that was staring right at me. It was about economics.

*let there be silence*

well, not just the interesting lets-make-sense economics but words that leapt up with mini swords and massacred the tiny shreds of interest-cells i had buzzing around (who were already dyin to escape via the drain pipe)...please note i HAD economics in 12th so am not completely ignorant of the basics. But this one, just killed me. total and complete annihilation of love for writing like that. Maybe you'll say writing is an art even if people choose to be mind-numbingly boring (or maybe you wont)... and to that i'll say. *sticks out tongue*. yes, thats my workplace suitable.. child-safe.. age-appropriate response :) The only reason i'm not linking it or thrusting its (gasp) writing over here is not to spare the readers (you're old enough to see the not-so-pretty side of life) but because my conscience spoke up. LOUDLY. It told me that im not being very nice and my personal notions of 'interesting' should really take a long (well deserved?) hike up the Himalayas with a green backpack strapped to my back. Basically, mums the word.

So thank my super-annoying conscience for being the most articulate thing around since the late 17th century. Now, i realized i've actually been VERY keen on watching Boston Legal. Trivial you might say and again, i wont care. V asked moi to come for Dostana in the evening.. i kinda blew it off... so i could stay in and watch Boston Legal. Basically, Allan Shore. OMG. That sums him up.. or do you reaaaally want me to go ga-ga here?

Now wading away from the shallow side of the pond, lemme think about ALL the 'boo-tiful' work that awaits me. Why boo-tiful? No reason but i've just been dying to use that word.
Well there is Genet' The Balcony, Walcotts poem, Byrons poem, Ngugi and Mugo' play, Conrads Heart of Darkness and Ionesco' Rhinoceros. Basic bad-ass week assignments. Darneet. I should really finish up some today. :( managed to wriggle out Ibsen' Ghosts last night, was tough but made it :D not too proud of it though. A good assignment is like a happy sleepy baby.... initially its cryin for attention.. but once you bounce around with it... nurture it et al... (drug it?) a GOOD assignment is like a napping baby then. quiet and you feel a sense of accomplishment once its not wailing in your ears. An average one isnt like a baby at all.. its more like... if-its-4am-and-im-still-not-satisfied then i dont really give a damn. Oh screw the baby parallel. A good assignment makes me feel happy and worthy... an average one feels like ive stepped on some cow dung in my best shoes.

Ah. life as a kid studying literature. Blessed beaaaaaautiful and joyful. (please get the sarcasm. please)... so yes my dear MCP of a friend A, Eng(Hons) is about 'reading novels'.
If i respond with a much warranted 'up yours', will my conscience still hate me?

Swazii

friends are not people who agree with everything that you do.. nor are they people you simply confide in... you dont have to share every detail of your (in)significant life with them.... (if you are, then that cuts down on the time you have to actually LIVE life)... they're people you grow with.. who you help grow too. Not just in years... but grey cells if you're lucky! :0

sometimes they beg you to let something go..and you disagree.. stubbornly (sometimes, secretly..) a teeny bit guilt stricken you turn your back on sense and march right into disaster... waltz into mayhem?....jump into a murky pool?... slip into a dress that barely fits! ah. yes, a female-oriented odd metaphor.... i tell you, we do the foolish deed with eyes WIDE open (and specks firmly held in place)... but the sellotape holding the frame together is that same friendly advice without which the world may seem... may seem lopsided. I cant speak for the rest of the world who refuses to tell me its life story... but as things have turned out... my friends. real friends have always (always) known where to say 'no'. Unfortunately i havent always known when to agree. hey, im human...im allowed a mistake (or two) :D

there are people who you treasure..
there are people who you are happier for when something truly exceptional happens for them... and then there are moments when you both howl together because you dont know why you hurt each other and somehow, dont know any other way to feel 'better'. Better, What a wonderful word that encapsulates a HUGE sense of relief.

The same relief that a friend can give you just by telling you the truth when you need to hear it. Swazii Sezz this is for yooh
my best-est friend and (TOTALLY) harshest critic. Someone i should not turn to when my eyes well up with unwarranted tears *i dont get the sympathy hug*... but when i really need someone (and some sense knocked into me) guess who wins my vote? *HUG*

Now for the bullet points that are bursting to be articulated suddenly!

-On 26th Oct 2008, in Kanpur i scribbled something hastily on a paper napkin as it occurred to me... which went something like... the difference between dreams and reality is what leads to all the unhappiness in the world. Simple enough, i know but it got to me as i sat in some random eating-joint looking around and wondering why i wasnt completely ecstatic bout life as it stood in front of me painted in hues of pink-purple-grey. An odd thing to think perhaps considering i was in a position of extreme liberation and utter freedom....... but still, there you have it. the human bloody mind.

-Today i was reading something S had written in namita's class (she was feelin creative today. sheesh, why dont i have such days?...why do mine sneak up on me mid-writing?)... and i realized she was evolving as a writer... not just changing but improving... in an obvious way. But i dont see a change in my work... from three years ago, most definitely (i always wonder how parents instill faith in the kid when they sprout the worlds worst crap...my first few paintings and literary attempts werent exactly inspiring...but they always found ways to help me feel good about them... parents are FABULOUS)... coming back to S... her work reflects her essence best. abstract in a lovely way.

-I need to see Dostana, no not in the i-need-to-go-to-the-dentist way but more like.. i wanna ...*childish tantrum*.. jeez im totally tryin for that film appreciation course once third year exams are over! so totally... my real break!

Ps-met Gordimer and made her sign My Sons Story.. wasnt as big as a high as expected. tsk. what IS it with expectations?.. why do they still slink up outta nowhere??...
These questions, when will they be answered in black and white?
*want peace*...*demand peace*...*get peace*
:)