the river and the bathtub :)

The blog has largely been ignored because i cant (wont?) talk about certain aspects of now-hood(!?!).

Let me skim the surface of life anyway!
If i were to somehow conjure up motivation and push myself into working hard, could probably write the most brutally honest 'piece' (for the lack of a better word). Unfortunately the days just prance on by in a comfortable haze of upama and well, the-thing-that-is-not-talked-about-here.
The thing about the thing-that-is-not-talked-about-here is that its fantastic and beautiful and scary and deep and anxiety-inducing and beautiful all over again.
the-thing-that-is-not-talked-about-here + me = happiness (plenty plenty plenty)

Interestingly i chance upon something i had only heard in theory before... sorrow is much easier to talk about and far easier to relate to.
When someone is happy, thats almost unfamiliar. Unheard of perhaps?
Just too darn uncomfortable... for life has so much to b**** about right?
But sometimes, just some extraordinary some-times, the sunny part of the garden can just take over your life... and there you are... floating bang in the middle of joy *grins*

cherish the love people...
and the bright light...
and the orange leaves...
and the rain-heavy breeze...
if only i knew french and could put it a tad more magnificently :)

PostScript- :):)

Oh and watch Persepolis... very (very) nice :)

Enough Already

Sometimes, the real tragedy is exposed when truly disgusting acts fail to surprise us.

I want to have sex with you

mumurs a 13 year old boy to my 21 year old friend on the road.

Naturally she beat* him up as did the policeman who casually wandered over wondering why a young 'child' was being slapped.

But really, how long can we blame rampant hormones for inexcusable behavior?

Don't girls have hormones too?

Then how is it that we have No difficulty keeping our paws to ourselves on local buses...?

Or keeping our mouths firmly shut when someone from the opposite sex passes by?

Its not a joke. Sadly, neither is it a shock.

*beat= slap around a few times. no whips or chains were used. (sadly)

and i will always...

once on that cliff

don't help me fly

free-falling alone, i distinctly dislike

yes, and the bump hurts too

honest.

Just the Gist

Sons and Lovers By D. H. Lawrence
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard

Walter and Gertrude

The short-lived passion that brought us together as a couple isn't enough to carry us beyond our social and moral differences. Our marriage has shattered our emotional integrity and spoiled all hope for our children.

William

I have found a beautiful but stupid woman who has enthralled me. My inability to resolve my attraction to her with my devotion to my mother has left me in ruin. (dies)

Paul

I am frustrated and confused. (dumps some girlfriends)

THE END

If I could write like that, my life would be complete.
(Ps- Wish I had an answer saved on the pc which I could post here, just for the sake of comparison) :)

aware

There is a lot to be said for living in the moment. The thing is, as we grow up, the people we meet are more or less people we choose to let into our lives. We start out with family, then teachers and end up with a small (or large) circle of handpicked friends. It’s a charming life in theory and of course comes with its own unique baggage. A friend once recommended that I hold on to beautiful memories and let the same warm my heart over and over again. Somehow I found the idea distasteful, not because each experience is like a single-use-wet-tissue but more so because there was a sorrowful context attached to the suggestion. The idea that we must accept the beauty of those moments as lost to us, that we must move on and yet hold on firmly to what was rather than anticipate a better tomorrow. The thing is, if we don’t expect more… want more… improve or at least intend to, then we’re as useful as an orangutan. Meaning no disrespect to orangutan’s, I am sure if its are explored in detail some richness of purpose will be found in their existence but the idea remains that it’s simply illogical to exist and accept loss as inevitable. It’s unfair to dwell on past joys and use them as a crutch for a sad lack of them in the future. You owe it to yourself to be happy, successful and ambitious. It is completely unethical to settle when you know in your heart that you have the potential to make more meaningful decisions.

Another friend constantly has the urge to shake people out of their self-induced misery. Sometimes is join her in the outrage and other times I shrug it off as inevitable. Some of us just like to be martyrs in our own eyes, railing against the unfairness of life and the most common, unrequited longing. Passion converted into wet cheeks that melt into innocent pillows. What a royal waste of energy.

I landed up in Rishikesh this last weekend with elder sister and friends. It was one of those last-minute trips that I had agreed to thinking it would be a pleasant ‘break’ if my own plans to escape Delhi didn’t see daylight. It turns out, wise decision :)
Brilliant weather and of course an extremely eventful trip. We saw it all, the harsh unforgiving sun, the glory of Ganga, the peace of the evening aarti, patriarchy strengthened with age, wild rapids and the eight of us clinging on to the orange raft. I shall now laugh at anyone who rambles on about a battle with nature. Darling child, there is battle only among equals. Nature could flick her smallest toenail at us and wipe out a tiny city. :)

Some parts were naturally better than others; I liked the silence of a quiet cell-phone, loved the uncomfortably cold water, snuggled into the sand and of course bathroom humour can never be the same after a camping trip :)
Wanted to write something poetic to maybe do the trip justice but writers block triumphs and I find myself extremely limited.
Moments that still stand out?

- A futile race with gleeful winds at the army cant.
- Dinner and lunch at obnoxiously reasonable rates
- Meditative aarti that eats the cake for the most beautiful moment ever
- Long car rides and an overburdened air conditioner
- Two hours spent trying not to fall off the raft
- Body surfing with life jackets (them oddly making it harder to breathe)
- The million steps down to camp, weighed down by lime green backpacks
- The white sand
- The once-green-now-brown water
- The sauna tent and silent hours
- The overtly populated sky
- Crazy rainfall and unsafe roads
- Plan B’s and new roads mapped
- Random conversation and old songs
- A warm jacket and a dripping car roof
- A still-lit cigarette making its way to my wrist
- A walk on sun baked slabs, barefoot

I loved the trip. In all of its confused convoluted disorganized glory. Will I ever go again? I don’t know. But I have learnt this, among other things, it is important to live in the moment and allow the sun to bake your once-less-brown skin. It is also necessary to remember the feelings and lessons that go with any experience. But at the same time, I cannot live my life recounting Rishikesh each and every day. We need to move on to the new, carrying with us trust and hope that it’ll be a beautiful experience as well. Don’t settle for stale memories. Keep your first ever rose, pressed carefully between the pages of your favorite book but know that the fragrance from the flower cannot last. Treasure the love you had once received but don’t let it consume all of your attention. Give yourself the chance to like the future as well.

God Bless :)

blinkers off

A whole bunch of 'stages', interpretations, analysis, gestures and of course those overwhelming emotions.
Is there even something left to be said about it?
Hasn't it all be felt, experienced, jotted down on once-white napkins in shady city bars?
Haven't we all read books...seen movies...heard songs...indulged in conversations...
all to somehow come to a point of clarity.
A sense of understanding.
What exactly is it that we're dealing with here?
Giving. Pulling back. Hanging on. Letting go.
Lets put it under a microscope and tear apart its threads... examining each in the perfect-est illuminating light.
The 'right' amount of exposure to the sun and we may have photographic evidence of the same.
Let us know what we are dealing with.
Let us know what we are dealing with now.

Joy expresses itself under certain conditions, but it is not created by those conditions.... in human experience, certain events are usually required to bring forth joy, but the joy is the perennial native state of the soul. Love is also native to the soul, but love is secondary to joy; there could be no love without joy.
Sri Sri Paramahansa Yogananda (The Divine Romance)

If I knew a way to offer up my free-will as a sacrifice to the knowledge of what-must-be-done, I would do it in a human heart-beat.
But the future is still variable and the ultimate destination only as far away as we would like it to be, through our actions.
There is no what-must-be-done.
There is no Guide-to-personalised-Salvation.
But there are questions that await reactions.
In grains of sand, the answers lie scattered.
I could enjoy the breeze.
or I could patiently piece experiences together.
Its a hot sticky day and no point waiting for that breeze.
Lets pretend we know where we're going.
Lets build up a rocky past.
I want to move on now.
I can't wait unanswered.

The picture pasted above is cute, but i disagree.
Its much enough :)

may16th

Casually skipping past friend and i turning 21..... there are more 'fun-times' in store. v joins the oh-so-cool(and growing) gang by turning the huge 2-1 tomorrow. we may party tonight and then again, we may not. Time will tell.

As of now completely gripped by Twilight... borrowed it and now the days plan revolves completely around getting to the last page... verdict till page 173?
very girl-meets-vampire-and-sparks-light-up-the-sky.
not toooooo typical but enough to count as an engrossing read!
but the vampire girls all over seem to be swooning over (on the cover!!) SO does not match up to the one in my imagination. poof. bloody reality.



However, other pictures (wonderful wonderful google) seem to be a bit more flattering...

what say? i mean is that even the same person?
(very original superman, only without the inappropriate underwear above pant style.. *thanks the lord*)

Now i'm going to read some more and slump down on the bed for the bestest day ever (lazy lazy hours. bliss!)
oh and late birthday gifts include pink pj's that im going to be living in for the next week or so (thankooooo!) + pink hajmola's that ive stuffed into the prettiest glass bowl thing! (i know its meant for stones!!!:P)
so its time for the cosy falling-on-bed and lolling about...interrupted only for daydreaming....sigh.
Guess party-time can officially be redefined now :D
oh and ive been scribbling a lot on paper so thats my excuse for ignoring the blog...love it or leave it :)

ps-named the post after the date...just beee-cause :)

(II)Ps- The above post was a few hours ago.. Finished Twilight.. My extremely important opinion you beg for? Okay, here goes.. straight from the horses(!) mouth... Its good...well written in fact but lets put it this way, no one has to hold me down to prevent my ransacking a store to get hold of the sequel... in fact, im going to comfortably wait until Sw purchases it (and then borrow it) :)

Also, turns out i don't really have a thing for the main vampire (Edward)... at all!... the whole pale skin and cold lips were starting to get to me...really i mean... hardly a 'come hither' description. tch. what a waste of the hype :

However, before you chuck that book down the drain... im probably exaggerating... so hold on to that copy... to sum up "read it" :)

It would help if you like pale cold skin too....

I must be the least helpful critic around.