Things that im mystified by-
1-self deprecating humour (with ref to Jay London, Last Comic Standing) Remind me again why we need to POINT out, in miniscule damning detail, each and every thing that is apparently wrong with us. Need we really go into how our appearance is under 'renovation' or how close we are to apes?
2-girls giving out the numbers of their boyfriends when asked for their own! (yes, this really happened) In the fear that their number would get 'leaked'. is it me or am i living in crazy town?
(lack of identity issue!!!)
3-how its much easier to talk to someone you may never meet (again, i know the psychological reason behind it being something to do with 'protecting' oneself and current environment. blah.)
4-Though i know love is about being with someone else (normally), i cant help but agree wholeheartedly with Virginia Woolf when she says "To love makes one solitary". Its not about being with someone then, its about a certain sorrow that accompanies love. so hard to put into words. Maybe the image of a rock under steady stream of water would suffice. It erodes.
5-how even when you know you feel a particular way (about an issue) cuz of a social construct, you're still never able to quite escape its implications.
I could go on about the more mundane things but i guess ive said my bit. :D
ps- i know it says 5 but i just remembered one...its more about wondering 'why' rather than mystification though...
why do people cuss for effect? is it 'cool' to talk like that? seriously?
(sometimes i do it too, introspective blog remember? :P)
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
The Hug Phenomenon
In the small speck of the world that ive had tangible access to, young people inevitably touch the feet of someone older. Age seems to merit reverential and 'special' conduct. In some cultures, girls bend to accept 'blessings' after marriage while in others its perfectly acceptable to do the 'needful' before the holy act of matrimony. But one thing is unanimous is the act of bending and expressing all the wonderful feelings of gratitude, respect and perhaps familial duty.
Except for one tiny community(that i know of) that boasts of no such tradition. Kashmiris. In an age of fast deteriorating values and forgotten languages (when most of us havent ever been to Kashmir and fewer still know the original dialect save food items), we (the 'old-kashmiris') hold on to our deep fried dum-aloos, chaman (paneer), nadaru (lotus stalk), atehru (long danglers that swing from a piercing into the bony part of the ear) and namaskar followed by an embrace (our answer to the touching of feet).
Regardless of sex, age, sexual orientation(?), colour (lily white, pale white, chalk white are the more acceptable ones, the rest of us unfortunate ones linger at the sidelines of the gush-festival) and marital status- we all hug! Depending on your comfort level (and the look in the persons eye) you either go for the full out bear hug, the more gentle lady hug (which started out as a poke at the page 3 crowd and has now started becoming less of a joke. ahem. just 2 pecks per cheek please!), the light tap on the back variety (for relatives approaching their parchment-y 90's) and finally the guy-hug (which girls arent normally able to attempt in bulky lehengas/uncomfortable suits/sultry saris).
The trick behind this intricate gesture, if you're interested, is to flash the 'genuine-smile' at everyone in a 5 km radius and then narrow it down to one familiar face. Move gracefully(or clumsily, if thats more you) towards your target (make sure they're looking AT you) gradually widening the smile by a few inches (yes) and then right before you fall into their arms...be sure to take a deep breath while joining your hands (in what seems like an effortless move) all the time mouthing 'Namaskar' with a huge dollop of enthusiasm- to be followed by 'The hug' (look above for person specific style)...
and that my peeps, is how we hug :) Now it may seem like its a lot of effort but trust you me...all the qualifications you need to pass off as an 'old kahmiri' (ones who've never lived there) is a tendency to like oily food and hug sweetly! Of course there are the more grumpy individuals around as well but they too understand that at the end of the day, we're just preserving the one miniscule thing which we think belongs to us... so we're all humoured :)
Sometimes, even though im in the habit of whining that im a rootless hybrid of a culture that was never really mine and am identity-less in terms of ancestral connections, these small things do cheer me up. I know a lot of people out there dont like their family (immediate and otherwise) and i do accept that we tend to love people because they seem to care for us (plus blood-line link) but when i meet my extended family (2-3rd cousins etc) it feels real good. Like here are some people like me. Hybrids of a rootless culture caught in an identity-warp due to lack of ancestral cultural knowledge. *grins* But really, jokes aside...and bringin on the cliches' ... i feel warm and loved surrounded by them. Thats a feeling that you will rarely find outside your own 'kind' and i feel so blessed to have that.
Thank you mum and dad for bringing me up the way you did which helps me appreciate that all thats good in me has been secretly inculcated by you guys. every seed that has an itsy bitsy part of sense in it owes its birth and nurturing to you . like me. love you.
Dedicated to papa and mumma...for being awesome. :D
*hugs*
Except for one tiny community(that i know of) that boasts of no such tradition. Kashmiris. In an age of fast deteriorating values and forgotten languages (when most of us havent ever been to Kashmir and fewer still know the original dialect save food items), we (the 'old-kashmiris') hold on to our deep fried dum-aloos, chaman (paneer), nadaru (lotus stalk), atehru (long danglers that swing from a piercing into the bony part of the ear) and namaskar followed by an embrace (our answer to the touching of feet).
Regardless of sex, age, sexual orientation(?), colour (lily white, pale white, chalk white are the more acceptable ones, the rest of us unfortunate ones linger at the sidelines of the gush-festival) and marital status- we all hug! Depending on your comfort level (and the look in the persons eye) you either go for the full out bear hug, the more gentle lady hug (which started out as a poke at the page 3 crowd and has now started becoming less of a joke. ahem. just 2 pecks per cheek please!), the light tap on the back variety (for relatives approaching their parchment-y 90's) and finally the guy-hug (which girls arent normally able to attempt in bulky lehengas/uncomfortable suits/sultry saris).
The trick behind this intricate gesture, if you're interested, is to flash the 'genuine-smile' at everyone in a 5 km radius and then narrow it down to one familiar face. Move gracefully(or clumsily, if thats more you) towards your target (make sure they're looking AT you) gradually widening the smile by a few inches (yes) and then right before you fall into their arms...be sure to take a deep breath while joining your hands (in what seems like an effortless move) all the time mouthing 'Namaskar' with a huge dollop of enthusiasm- to be followed by 'The hug' (look above for person specific style)...
and that my peeps, is how we hug :) Now it may seem like its a lot of effort but trust you me...all the qualifications you need to pass off as an 'old kahmiri' (ones who've never lived there) is a tendency to like oily food and hug sweetly! Of course there are the more grumpy individuals around as well but they too understand that at the end of the day, we're just preserving the one miniscule thing which we think belongs to us... so we're all humoured :)
Sometimes, even though im in the habit of whining that im a rootless hybrid of a culture that was never really mine and am identity-less in terms of ancestral connections, these small things do cheer me up. I know a lot of people out there dont like their family (immediate and otherwise) and i do accept that we tend to love people because they seem to care for us (plus blood-line link) but when i meet my extended family (2-3rd cousins etc) it feels real good. Like here are some people like me. Hybrids of a rootless culture caught in an identity-warp due to lack of ancestral cultural knowledge. *grins* But really, jokes aside...and bringin on the cliches' ... i feel warm and loved surrounded by them. Thats a feeling that you will rarely find outside your own 'kind' and i feel so blessed to have that.
Thank you mum and dad for bringing me up the way you did which helps me appreciate that all thats good in me has been secretly inculcated by you guys. every seed that has an itsy bitsy part of sense in it owes its birth and nurturing to you . like me. love you.
Dedicated to papa and mumma...for being awesome. :D
*hugs*
Friday, June 27, 2008
entry
Quotable Quotes By - embarrassed friend
'he is SUCH a nimoda'.. (translation-lemon)...it may even make sense
So as a 'regular' update, scared-of-love friend is still treading on path of denial...refuses to accept all the feeling that are brimming inside her... agony-aunt/loving-person pops up and tells her that its okay to be in love, especially when the person loves you too... scared-of-love friend blinks and considers bolting for the metaphorical escape route.
angry-buddy stomps over possibility of a reunion with ex-fling/maybe-someone-special and sticks to her (right) decision. you GO angry-buddy! woohoo!
once-calm-and-composed meets simply-ex and helps him out. Glad that no old (unnecessary) feelings surged up to join the already frothy mess of discontented confusion. as agony-aunt/loving-person tries to be of help, once-calm-and-composed believes it shall all be okay.
agony-aunt/loving person hopes so.
she also prays that this constant strain would ease up and a smile would surface for a breath every once in a while. and not the i-am-nice smile, the i-feel-good one.
lesson- what matters in life is sleep. uninterrupted 8-9 hours of blissful sleep thats been denied for far too long. it improves complexion, mood and take on life (also manners).
ps- funny/non-funny jokes are okay too.
'he is SUCH a nimoda'.. (translation-lemon)...it may even make sense
So as a 'regular' update, scared-of-love friend is still treading on path of denial...refuses to accept all the feeling that are brimming inside her... agony-aunt/loving-person pops up and tells her that its okay to be in love, especially when the person loves you too... scared-of-love friend blinks and considers bolting for the metaphorical escape route.
angry-buddy stomps over possibility of a reunion with ex-fling/maybe-someone-special and sticks to her (right) decision. you GO angry-buddy! woohoo!
once-calm-and-composed meets simply-ex and helps him out. Glad that no old (unnecessary) feelings surged up to join the already frothy mess of discontented confusion. as agony-aunt/loving-person tries to be of help, once-calm-and-composed believes it shall all be okay.
agony-aunt/loving person hopes so.
she also prays that this constant strain would ease up and a smile would surface for a breath every once in a while. and not the i-am-nice smile, the i-feel-good one.
lesson- what matters in life is sleep. uninterrupted 8-9 hours of blissful sleep thats been denied for far too long. it improves complexion, mood and take on life (also manners).
ps- funny/non-funny jokes are okay too.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Someone
There's a person in my life whose got the most wonderful shade of dark chocolate eyes, a fabulous ability to make me feel loved (instantly) and doesnt (ever) mind being hugged. Today i invited her onto my new lime green (very pretty) bedspread (with matching pillows). Nestled between two pillows and on top of one, she stared at me wondering what the hell i was upto. But i just wanted to look at her, thats cuz im worried. She's started prancing around the house with a chew toy in her mouth, leaving it only when she wants to gobble up a random biscuit. The vet says its false pregnancy, hmm. She doesnt want to 'do it' the conventional way (cuz her male companion has been trying for simply ages, always rudely rebuffed) so i thought maybe she was too young. But now, seems like she wants the babies but not the man. Sperm bank and artificial insemination for dogs? Over analysis PERSONIFIED!
But what can one do? When you adopt a pup, its like having a baby. You cant not care! In fact, you care more cuz she cant verbalise her fears and anxieties...so you have to look out for symptoms. *thinks*
In a way, i feel like im in this warped reality series... Am i really thinking like this?
Okay, lets list 7 perfectly 'normal' things that have occured in the last 24 hours
-the cut offs hit a distant star *tadaaaa*
-i got more work to do
-finished 5th season of 'Sex and the City'
-talked to S
-*drumroll* brainstormed ideas with Theatre Society *wheeeeeee*
-started reading a 'nice' book
-wore green
(maybe the last one doesnt count.... ahem)
Let me end with something that sparked in my mind somewhere between episode 6-7th of above mentioned. Why do we always believe all the bad things people say about us?... Random strangers can make our self-worth go for a six and close friends take hours to convince us about our 'great-factor'. A bad comment and we're moping.
New Purpose of Blog- Find what i do wrong, and 'fix' it! :)
Identification and Cure of Mental Blocks!
*cheers*
ps-pic of Mitu, before era of holding toy in mouth....
Whats 'up'?...
This is going to be one quick updatathon (my word) of linking past with present at superhuman (semi-human?) speed-
-Today the cut offs come out for yet another batch that fervently hopes to make it to their desired A list college (DU), i can remember the anxiety that went through me when i had to pore at the list and crane my neck just in time to see it whizz past the roof and touch a distant unreachable star. tsk. i remember feeling inadequate and pretty worthless, defined by the marks i had secured...or rather failed to secure. If i had known what amazing times awaited me then possibly those tears would have dried up faster. (would have still cried cuz frankly people rarely believe that 'this too shall pass' in the middle of a mess!)
-We officially start practice today, Theatre. a word thats responsible for
70% of my growing up
97% of my dirty/torn/rag-resembling clothes
60% of need-to-utilize-time-to-study syndrome
100% of my (constant) outstation trips
69% of my meeting some inspirational people
and a hard to place percentage of my feeling like i can take on the world
and its okay to be who i am (non-drinker, non-smoker, hug-lover...to name a few)
-The place(S) where im interning need me to submit my delegated work by sat night. Hmm.
i would not totally abhor some space to breathe. Even (unrealistic) night-out plans seem to be seeping into my energy reserves. All i really want is 24 hours with no routine except the promotion of laze-away-day. (no workout either..wheeeeee...-not happening i know)
-because of medical evidence that suggests the possibility of harmful radiation from cell phones, am determined to not use it so much. (even with the 10 paisa scheme- *i am strong*)... like mum said, talk when you meet (which happnes practically everyday) and not -at night or on the cell. hmm. its tough being 20 and not gabbing.
-My i-tunes miraculously managed to delete its entire playlist. Here is the fabulous news. Except for a quick cluck, i didnt get mad or annoyed ...at all!!!! i just rubbed my sleep filled eyes and got around to arranging a new playlist (over 500 songs currently, need more time to find more hidden folders in obscure parts of my PC..) and casually telling myself that this time it would be a better one. Sooooo cool! i really like! :)
So i shall end on a happy note! and with a whole lotta smiles around!
Total Sunshine Mode!
Toodleeees!
-Today the cut offs come out for yet another batch that fervently hopes to make it to their desired A list college (DU), i can remember the anxiety that went through me when i had to pore at the list and crane my neck just in time to see it whizz past the roof and touch a distant unreachable star. tsk. i remember feeling inadequate and pretty worthless, defined by the marks i had secured...or rather failed to secure. If i had known what amazing times awaited me then possibly those tears would have dried up faster. (would have still cried cuz frankly people rarely believe that 'this too shall pass' in the middle of a mess!)
-We officially start practice today, Theatre. a word thats responsible for
70% of my growing up
97% of my dirty/torn/rag-resembling clothes
60% of need-to-utilize-time-to-study syndrome
100% of my (constant) outstation trips
69% of my meeting some inspirational people
and a hard to place percentage of my feeling like i can take on the world
and its okay to be who i am (non-drinker, non-smoker, hug-lover...to name a few)
-The place(S) where im interning need me to submit my delegated work by sat night. Hmm.
i would not totally abhor some space to breathe. Even (unrealistic) night-out plans seem to be seeping into my energy reserves. All i really want is 24 hours with no routine except the promotion of laze-away-day. (no workout either..wheeeeee...-not happening i know)
-because of medical evidence that suggests the possibility of harmful radiation from cell phones, am determined to not use it so much. (even with the 10 paisa scheme- *i am strong*)... like mum said, talk when you meet (which happnes practically everyday) and not -at night or on the cell. hmm. its tough being 20 and not gabbing.
-My i-tunes miraculously managed to delete its entire playlist. Here is the fabulous news. Except for a quick cluck, i didnt get mad or annoyed ...at all!!!! i just rubbed my sleep filled eyes and got around to arranging a new playlist (over 500 songs currently, need more time to find more hidden folders in obscure parts of my PC..) and casually telling myself that this time it would be a better one. Sooooo cool! i really like! :)
So i shall end on a happy note! and with a whole lotta smiles around!
Total Sunshine Mode!
Toodleeees!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
and i Chirp again
So im talking to V-kid yday (who is a bit of an intelligent donkey) and suddenly reiki pops up in from absolutely nowhere and im (unwillingly)drawn into discussing the procedure. Why unwillingly? Cuz i dislike talking about faith in particular when the person im talking to simply wants to score grey-matter points by pointing out the loopholes in the theory (faith hence keep some small miniscule proportion of faith!)..
He would be your typical once satanist (which he now laughs off as immaturity) now stable atheist plus medicine student. Hmm. Maybe not that typical. So i get suckered into the discussion and (predictably) halfway through my hackles are itching to rise up and inform me of their volatile feelings. A few posts dismissing reiki (that he thoughtfully found online and posted for my benefit) later, i try and steer the conversation on less controversial lines. Maybe peanut butter craze, chocolate addiction camps, man on moon theory i muse but before i can repeat the mantra of 'live and let live' he comes dangerously close to launching a full blown attack on everything i have begun to consider essential. Reiki and i are at that fragile stage when we're making tentative moves towards each other, always alert to sounds that may disrupt our shaking hands (hmm..or a hug maybe)
So i really didnt wanna talk to a cynic. no, i am not closing my mind to reality or promoting ignorance/blind faith... i believe in some things based on sense, potential to help, instinct and sometimes a little tangible evidence (to silence the critic in me)...so far, its lived up to all these parameters but i wasnt too sure it could withstand an all out war of a gabillion (?) years of research which focussed purely on destabalising alternate therapies. Ironically how i managed to keep my cool was because of reiki (you just become a calmer person) and we (slowly) trampled happily on other areas of dissent. (he think humans are a ripe mix of homonids and alien life forms based on our intellect developing far too quickly. i say define 'aliens'. arent we ALL aliens to someone? i think i lost my ability to argue halfway through though. he cited the pyramids as an example to reiterate his point and i feebly pointed out the mummies as a reinforcement of his view...it is something to consider)
So finally, what do i believe in?
Frankly, at the risk of sounding totally unreal..i believe that there are multiple ways of reaching the same destination...i believe the destination to be peace and joy.... believe in a superpower/god/energy/universe that looks out for us..that you should do, think and feel good plus you can never go wrong with that..worst case you'll end up being a 'good' person, hardly something to boo-hoo over...i believe in the right of others to not believe what i think..but i also believe in expecting the same respect i give their interpretation of life...that, thanks to paulo coelho and brian weiss plus family and drawing room conversations, if you really want something...eventually it will come to you...how it isnt that hard to be 'good' or feel happy... i believe we're all blessed with the ability to invite fortune into our lives at any given point..
allow yourself to believe in something...it heals your wounded soul...
trust you me :)
He would be your typical once satanist (which he now laughs off as immaturity) now stable atheist plus medicine student. Hmm. Maybe not that typical. So i get suckered into the discussion and (predictably) halfway through my hackles are itching to rise up and inform me of their volatile feelings. A few posts dismissing reiki (that he thoughtfully found online and posted for my benefit) later, i try and steer the conversation on less controversial lines. Maybe peanut butter craze, chocolate addiction camps, man on moon theory i muse but before i can repeat the mantra of 'live and let live' he comes dangerously close to launching a full blown attack on everything i have begun to consider essential. Reiki and i are at that fragile stage when we're making tentative moves towards each other, always alert to sounds that may disrupt our shaking hands (hmm..or a hug maybe)
So i really didnt wanna talk to a cynic. no, i am not closing my mind to reality or promoting ignorance/blind faith... i believe in some things based on sense, potential to help, instinct and sometimes a little tangible evidence (to silence the critic in me)...so far, its lived up to all these parameters but i wasnt too sure it could withstand an all out war of a gabillion (?) years of research which focussed purely on destabalising alternate therapies. Ironically how i managed to keep my cool was because of reiki (you just become a calmer person) and we (slowly) trampled happily on other areas of dissent. (he think humans are a ripe mix of homonids and alien life forms based on our intellect developing far too quickly. i say define 'aliens'. arent we ALL aliens to someone? i think i lost my ability to argue halfway through though. he cited the pyramids as an example to reiterate his point and i feebly pointed out the mummies as a reinforcement of his view...it is something to consider)
So finally, what do i believe in?
Frankly, at the risk of sounding totally unreal..i believe that there are multiple ways of reaching the same destination...i believe the destination to be peace and joy.... believe in a superpower/god/energy/universe that looks out for us..that you should do, think and feel good plus you can never go wrong with that..worst case you'll end up being a 'good' person, hardly something to boo-hoo over...i believe in the right of others to not believe what i think..but i also believe in expecting the same respect i give their interpretation of life...that, thanks to paulo coelho and brian weiss plus family and drawing room conversations, if you really want something...eventually it will come to you...how it isnt that hard to be 'good' or feel happy... i believe we're all blessed with the ability to invite fortune into our lives at any given point..
allow yourself to believe in something...it heals your wounded soul...
trust you me :)
Welcome to the age of Enlightenment
Dedicated to the discovery that people who aren't that close to you can suddenly turn out to be your 'mirror images'.
Jan last year, while caught in the middle of yet another terribly long (presumably boring) play, scary older person and i were talking gibberish (inappropriately timed). When suddenly the topic of discussion shifted to boys (not very predictable for the both of us) and how was it that she wasn't with someone. (cuz i knew she wanted to be). I guess she figured it would be too much of a bother to yawn her way through a semi-lie so she decided to tell me things as they were. She had no idea. She was intelligent, pretty and frankly awesome as a person (warm et al.) and was also boyfriend-less for the majority of her 20 years (not counting a fling she regretted). Why i wondered aloud? She shrugged her shoulders and slumped back to say that maybe she scared them. No i rationalised, you only scared me because of the not-too-traumatic first day ragging and the fact that you're an awesome actress (yes, she really was and probably is- no unnecessary flattery). Then the talk shifted to what she did want and it turned out to be the exact thing i did. (yeah, not too original of me there..peep)...It was a nice mixture of the chivalrous and non-patriarchal, who would open doors..help with the luggage..out of a sense of 'i should' rather than 'i must because she's so fragile she cant handle it'...respect along with the impulse to help.. for those interested. Post that we were quick to declare our lives as running on parallel lines and formed a bond thats never needed an explanation (but which made me travel bout a gazillion miles to her house after a 17 hour work schedule and no sleep in 2 days...to surprise her on her bday. yes, i do that for people i really like..or people who will appreciate it..:)..)..
My hidden point being that when other older intelligent person talked to me (for those 10 mins before we both dozed off) she too said the same thing in a different way. Something about one particular guy (who shall remained unnamed in order to prevent any more complications) not being comfortable with the idea of dating someone too 'strong'. Is that really true? That some people get so carried away by their fear that they would willingly give up on someone who they're attracted to for deeper reasons? Does this fear serve a better purpose...is it a way of warning us away for our 'own good' because life, in its own mysterious way, KNOWS that nobody would be happy in a relationship like that. where the squabbles would take over the fantastic 'connection' and lead to everything disintegrating intp this muddly pile of 'i wish i hadn't' and 'if only we could go back in time'...?
In my current (blissful) state of loving life (even when its uncomfortable) and treating it like a new pair of sandals (that you need to 'break into' and cross that stage of it cutting into your foot)...am determined to take it all (absolutely everything) in the spirit of learning... the decisions that time proves 'right' and even ones that it doesn't. I cant deny that some people aren't that open to screwing up (i think S and i would agree that its a way to experience and learn) but its not for the thrill of having to say sorry that we did it...its in the hope that it might just 'work out'...the fear of failing should never really stop you from trying in the first place (as people have been known to say)... I feel positively elated and more so because there isnt really this concrete reason for me to feel this way... That tells me that i may just hold onto this feeling for a longer time... :D
ps- S, you're on the 'right' track, and i got your back if you wanna do things differently.
(btw by 'screwing up' i obviously did not mean deliberately jamming your hand in a grater or something but trying to work on stuff that has some glimmer of a possibility to actually help you. Just clarifying! :D)
ps2-Kenye West...Stronger...(old track. nice track. very very nice track.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)