to belong

I wake up and my eyes widen. Something doesnt feel quite right i think fumbling for words.
There's N chasing his mutt Rhino. G hobbles on as always towards the seedy bar, his only companion in old age.
We were all scared that the town would flood says a voice behind me.
i jump. okay, its only Nat..and he talks to everyone.
It may seem normal but somewhere i just know that the unusual is prancing around.
waiting to pounce, like the tiger that escaped from the zoo last week. or was it last month?
i'm going to look around i decide. Yes, firm regulated footsteps towards each house.
Knocking on doors, windows. Pans?
oh wait. now my pants are soggy. its okay, just a little puddle. seems fairly large though.
distracted by a yellow light i look up. oh. its now time to sunbathe.
i go towards the camp. the camp where the others sit together.
and i apart.
Everyone ignores me. Relief. Yes, its all normal.
But wait, everyones pants are wet too.
Somehow they all stepped into the same large puddle.
finally, a sense of community. we all know what to ignore and what all to accidently step into.
i muse and some more water splashes on my pants.
ummm. it feels good to call these people a 'we', its me with them i think joyfully.
finally. i get to be like them. see, even my pants are getting more wet.
JUST LIKE THEIRS!
ah! finally, a sign from the big man up there.
we belong together. 'we'... 'together'
this water feels chilly. ah, my knees feel chilly.
they're shivering too.
Is this what friendship is? i wonder.
how instantaneous is the empathy!
no wonder we all want a 'we' in life.
who wouldnt? i hug myself.
ummhumm. i guess i must have slipped into the puddle completely.
look, my shirts wet too. and its getting harder to walk.
feels like im wading. but its all okay, they're all wading too.
i feel good. this is a good day. we have so much in common now.
There goes a fish right next to my ear.
for a second i'm alarmed and then i get it.
of course.
the fish have learnt to fly.
relieved, the others... my friends... they all nod in agreement.

--------

Oh Dear Me.

fingers are turning a light blue
and heart pale yellow

Dearest Winter,
I'm glad you're here. It gives us all something concrete to complain about.

Dearest Happy-Person,
The air of joy around you infects everyone within a 5 mile radius.

Dearest Crappy-Things-in-the-World,
The consistency is appreciated for the virtue that consistency is, nothing more or less.

Dearest Guardians-of-Morality,
Its time you glance into a mirror. Chances of provoking narcissism are few. Trust you me.

Dearest Knife-in-the-Back,
It hurt at first but now am getting used to the sting.

Dearest 'Louuu',
dearest dearest lou. haha.

Dearest Laughter,
You have very strong arms that pull me outta every pothole i trip into. Keep working out!

Dearest Blogger,
dearest dearest blogger, i louuu you. you give me time to breathe and speak!

Dearest Pink,
You look good with silver and purple, and you make us all look darrrrn good.

Dearest Words,
If life was a teacup and you coffee then you runneth over in mine.

Dearest Common-sense,
i miss you.

eff it all, its just a phase

If life was a golden lab following us around (till it prances away and we die). If a dog was our pulse and its bounding next to us HAPPY our good phase. Then this time, i was jogging and the dog came up behind me (snuck up really, the mutt) and with a joyful leap left muddy footprints on my back (tall dog?).

so i know its icky and i probably should change outta the pink outfit (catering to stereotype here)... the outfit being circumstances... and i know...if i dont change then that mud IS going to dry up. it WILL be harder to clean up. it WILL take more time. and i keep running around the park all muddy anyway.

That, is my life. THIS is a phase.
I should go back to reiki.
I know it'll help.

-i want january to come. i want to study for my exams. i want to not have time to blog 5 times a day.

denied music

i admit. I'm disappointed.

(but my hush-hush blog does say.. that its okay, okay to not have the world fall exactly into place. its okay to feel disappointed just as long as you're able to go beyond that. its all okay. because 'in the long run, we're all dead')

Now, songs i've been dying to download (but which isn't happening anytime soon ...sniffles)

James Morrison- Undiscovered

Ian Dury- One love

Blue Cantrell- Hit em up Style

Dido- Don't believe in love

Michaelson- Be okay

Kate Perry-I Kissed a Girl

Des'Ree- You Gotta Be

Barry Manilow- Cant smile without you

Atomic Kitten- The Tide is High

Sheryl Crow- Love is free

Michael Sweet- All i wanna do (is love you)

Pink- So what

One thing i could NEVER be? a music snob :)

nope, not even if i tried! very hard!

sweet-tooth

Just two more assignments to go. JUST TWO. And and and and, one of which is voluntary.. Relief-time. Now! :D

Now if that wasn't reason enough to celebrate... i actually have a list of reasons for huge-smile-plus-natural-joy-in-abundance

-a- S's surprise birthday party went off AS smoothly as possible considering the umm disconnected bits of people we invited. I mean, mixed crowd. But she loved it, so its the intent and result which matter...not the road blocks. This metaphor is SO over-done-cooked-gnawed upon!

-b- I realized there werent enough reasons to feel crummy about. The thing is, moping about with a long face is okay for a bit... but ultimately we owe ourselves enough to cheer up. Seriously, if ever there's a time to advocate selfishness its when it comes to grabbing happiness. Scrub away all the muck thats littering up the room (metaphorically, kinda- my room is a lil bit of a disaster) and feel clean. positive. uplifted? Yes. Happy.

-c- There's a party coming up... in the past, ive always ended up shying away from the more obvious forms of celebrations.. (like parties) but this time, its not your usual deck-up-look-steaming-hot-to-click-pictures kind. its more laidback and happy-zone . Like minded people and loads of chips. Plus theme (which is WHAT btw?...)..

-d- before i forget.... i finally finally finally found an alternative to the chocolate-sin that i've been craving. Jam doughnut-thingy-sugar-explosion! Jam doughnut OKAY!
sounds simple?...haha. you poor ignorant soul yooh!....imagine a doughnut bun with white sugar sprinkled lightly over it in just the 'right' too-sweet quantity... mashed between the two sugared buns oozes pink jam thats just soft enough to melt in your mouth.. plus, its not one of those weird peanut sized barely-there desserts...its whole and fills you up.... makes the 11 month no-chocolate period seem like no big deal. Okay. i found what i'll be going back to next week too! :)
sigh.... someone once said maths and music are connected. I say poetry and food are. *yum*

Just re-living that jammy-doughnut experience has made me happy enough to prance around....*sighhhhhhhs*.......i think its time i go and enjoy the beautiful world that awaits me. see, LYRICAL. Thankyoohh yum food and incredibly talented chefs who make it. :)
You-Will-Be-Blessed...if you aren't already!

ps- my new official 'status' as per thoughts....i'm lending an ear for the very last time...

*peace*

college. *rolls eyes*

Yeah so apparently when i write something i REALLY believe in...no one 'gets' it. That, my friend, is tragic with a capital T. Make that the biggest 'T' your black marker can scrawl on an A4 size sheet. HUGE 'T'. Oh well life must go on and i must make an exaggerated attempt to follow it. Really now, NOT the way to talk...*smacks own self*

Im in college right now waiting for S to finish printing her assignment... Heart of Darkness....yes, we finally got around to it :)
okie...Tring. Bell.. gotta rush :(...wanna write so much more.
(computer poofed on me back home)..typical.

quick nutshell gist-

S's party actually managed to ..happen. yes and God supported both Shruti and i in the most creepy way... Auto's got free...everyone else got delayed (too)..and yeah just the 'right' amount of people showed up. Thankyouzzzz will be bestowed later(maybe)

okay gotta scoot..funti is eyeing the computer.... i mean...really...look away people!
NOW.... seriously...get a life!

ps-anu desperately wants a mention. she NEEDs one. okay, here you go. *pats head*

I know time won't pause and i won't move.

Eliot Eliot Eliot- You are my Prince and everything else.

How wrong is it, to that, give time? (Title)

a squirrel crawled up on my leg
so deep in thought was i
that it, i barely felt
odd, for so much time had been spent
at age eight, in chasing them
their friends, cousins and foes.
chasing them all on foot, at times alone.

today, so deep was that meditative thought
that it sneaked up on me so
did it too feel, the moments blazing intensity?
i patiently waited for it to flee(to go)
(for a man was 'it', or a woman she?)
but imagine my surprise
when it chose instead, to touch me

its tiny paws, fell light on dark denim
cautious footsteps yet unaware of my presence
Is this what they mean
when we're asked to wait?
for heaven to gently fall at our feet
in a heavily engraved metal plate?

What was its intent? i mused
for when i moved
it too scampered away
and i wondered
what would have happened
had it, the courage to stay.
-----

I guess you would call the above a symbolic poetic free verse attempt. Or 45 minutes alone in the chaupal with music post-eliot class.
Is it a rape of emotions to cut them into little pieces and feed them to uncomprehending beasts?

"I'm inhaling the poems whole with no restraint. Letting them rest on my own self, creating acidic reactions like black petals which refuse to melt into the redness of the raw skin. With Prufrock's indecisiveness i sway."-

Ironically, this has been the most vocal i've ever been in any post. Ever. And yet i won't be shocked if no one ever 'gets' it. Guess you gotta be the writer and no one else to know to know EXACTLY what it all means strung together the way it is.