Chocolate

chocoholism IS a real disease....its this compusion which drives you 'insane'....by 'insane' i mean you behave in an 'abnormal' way......n by 'abnormal' i mean......in a way that is out of the realm of the normal........yes......i am ensuring that all dyslexic people comprehend my meaning.....i do not discriminate........*technical and practiced pause which hopes for a semi chocked laugh*


*clears throat and continues when no laugh comes*

So we are gathered here to today to .......(common parody of wedding service being used to perhaps provoke a more light attitude...it fails)....to discuss my problem

yes...i have a problem......i am a chocoholic

now the problem with the world is that IF someone refuses to acknowledge their 'problem'.....they flock together in groups like sparrows who have been offered multiple helpings of free seed(?)....no ...i didnt end....they dont just flock together!>...;they hound the poor person until he/she develops many more problems and one of them commonly being a phobia of crowds and maybe even sparrows.....(odder things have been known to happen)

you may be bored right about NOW....or you may have been bored earlier...but i must tell u....when i write i picture myself as a different person....(i know it sounds crazy and probably is...but i really dont care....some people say they dont care when they really do care....but i really really dont care)

so when i address chocoholism in its scientific and possibly true terminology....i picture an all white american man typing (n no my brown fingers tapping away on the keyboard do NOT make me realize that i am, in fact, NOT an all american man).....n this man is technical to the point of boring people to death....so if your bored i automatically assume its cuz of him cuz hey! im not the one typing....maybe in some complex psychologically challenging way im trying to escape responsibility for my actions.....i again.....find comfort in....i dont care

people take words so seriously....sometimes too seriously.....n others.....take them too lightly.....
when your rejecting someone......they wont take you seriously.....but when your flirting
with them....its like you automatically carved your eternal devotion and love in stone.....n then people make you feel guilty about it.....not just the rejected....but OTHER people....i hate OTHER people....shouldnt a relationship be between the people IN the relationshoip....why do i have to care about OTHERS?....should i care about others????.....exactly how relevant ARE the others??....i dont like people....

this is the time when i emotionally drift to chocolate....when stuffing your belly with it seems like the only nice place to be in the whole wide world....better than that phone call with your friend.....better than the senseless chatter of everyday life....better than the warmth your family can try and give you.....thats why i left chocolate.......you know......i used to blog elsewhere....n then it became too public .....i started this blog by thinking that i would NOT reveal who i really was thru what i was going thru....no emotional details will pop out........result?.....i feel hollow...cuz im not sharing myself....

i also dont like rational people......i like sense....but i dont like sensible people...in fact, i think i dislike them....if i HAVE to get some sense....i WILL....dont bug me into seeing it.....fucking up is part of growing up....let me do it MY way...let em choose not to have chocolate if for some obscure reason i think it'll help me grow up!....you go to a therapist.....i will leave mint!!!!......

sigh!.....sometimes all i really want is to be alone.....with no one.....where no one can find me......unless his name IS "no one"....i wont mind meeting a guy called "no one".....so "no one" and i will sit together and talk....yes....i wanna talk to random people like "no one"....i want "no one" to 'get' how i think....n how ironic.....i want someone to 'get' what i think and yet his name is "no one".....

chocolate me and "no one"......a dream ....a wish... a fantasy.....

one day....not very far from now....i will re-read this and critically examine it in an attempt to understand what exactly i was going through right now.....

B bye........btw....this place im gona go to will be on a cliff overlooking the beach.....n it'll be late evening with some stars peeping out from behind the clouds...

ps- despite all possible and obvious 'flaws'....i like me!