Just for Me

okay!...so here is the unadulterated truth....for humanity (i generalize in an attempt to pointlessly divert attention from the One individual i can never stop talking about-me!)-
truth is......everyone loves to be told how great there are
the second great truth is-we all know when a compliment is coming from the heart and that makes it so special that you remember it for always....(i think ive just got like ONE spontaneous compliment that i still find etched in my most precious feel-good moments...probably cuz we're not friends anymore....strange)
today i read a LOT of swetha's entries....shit!
anyway, she writes reallllyyyy well.....n not at all like me but in a very strange way thinks JUST like me....when she was talking about ALL those issues.....MY inner self was going like *yeaaaa babyy i sooooo agree*...
its so odd that even when your so close....or perhaps because your so close....there comes a point when your not interested in knowing each other anymore....or u just get lazy and take their presece for granted and keep talking about the same random stuff....completely forgetting that they're your friends and there was something in them that lead u to becoming friends......
its kind of like a semi boyfriend scenario....only 10 times more important (n 15 times less sexually exciting....make that 15000 actually!...hehe)....but when you become friends you literally take someone NEW into your life....
someone you know your gonna call when your crying or happy or plain excited!!...(hav SO been thr!)....its a big decision...n sometimes it lasts as long as you see each other everyday...(which we have all learnt the hard way)....n just sometimes....it transcends how many times you talk in a year....n sad though i am to admit it.....miya faraaz might have had a very good point....sad because its hard to accept that people your SO close to now will no longer be there with you 10 years down....
its that feeling of permanency that leads you to trust someone....
sometimes i think i miss talking to someone as brutally honest....he was unapologetically himself and came to me at a time when i needed some perspective...
oddly enough i think i could now call him a friend.....
the others seem too superficial and cultivated.......

now What i wanted to REALLY talk about was.....after reading her entries i realized and re-realized the importance of having a set number of memories....n i used to have that collection which i lost to .....lost to a guy.....he took over it and then i let too many other people and issues enter into the equation.....
somethings should really be for ones own self...where one can be oneself and INVITE people to join in.....every once in a while.....
not too often cuz then again we start catering to the audience....
point is.....why not another space?....i dont have all the answers....but this space feels nice!
n fuck anyone else who says differently.....
some wrong decisions need to be made alone....this is just one of them!!!.....
this may or may not be another way to measure my mental growth.....
but i will be damned if i close any options so soon in life.!!!!!....

you know what?....i am YOUNG....i am 19 and 8 months....and im gonna start ACTING like it!.....
im gonna FEEL my age and love each moment of it!!!....:)
so here's to a new year of perhaps mapping my progress.....positive hopefully it should be!!!!!!.........

*wild cheers and applause*......:):):)