Positively Twen-teeee-1 :)

Do i really expect the world to change tomorrow?
as happy voices will chirp down their phone-speakers... will anything really change?

Will i expect less from some people?
will disappointment rankle? (no)
will i expect different things from now on?
Is is possible to change simply by knowing you've added another number to your age?
Will i finally accept the audacity of life and revel in its extremes?
(fat chance of that :) ...)

Ak has promised a 'surprise breakfast in bed'
V hinted at chocolate brownies
("take them or leave them" being exact words:)..)
S plans to go shopping and land up a half hour late
and the rest plan to show up :D

How about no stress?
how about a promise(to myself)?
how about a Birthday resolution?
how about All of these wonderful meaningful things?

a decision of not taking on a burden. (of)any kind.
a promise to save the love for when it counts.
a resolution to stick to the divine plan.
a hardcore attempt at seva.
the right intent to carry me through.

the 'birthday' hasn't even begun.
yet oddly enough
i feel the love :)
maybe its finally my time to give back.
maybe im strong enough to be a healer too :)
just maybe :):)

ps- had my very first therapist moment today.
felt(feels) wonderful.
scary but wonderful.

Anybody out there who wants a spiritual-makeover or even a refreshers course?
Lucky you!! i congratulate you in the truest sense.
you may now pick up Autobiography of a Yogi by Yogananda Ji

what a superbly wonderful life where divine joy is tantalisingly within reach :)
I thank you everyone for whatever goodness there is in your heart
and perhaps equally importantly in your actions..
its paving the way to beauty.... :)

a pebble dropped in the lake.. its ripples carrying with it tranquility.

a pebble dropped in the lake.. its ripples vibrating off of others

a pebble dropped in the lake.. it can make a difference :)

Pure Potential, thats our life :)

read-not

Tired!!!
This is one of those penning-down-for-future-reference kind of moments.

Its a day of firsts.

-Finally met someone who told me MA in Lit is a good idea. May have helped that she's done her BA in Lit too (and loved it for the 'right' reasons. ie. ones i am familiar with. poof. dont judge me, im tired)

-Day number one of workshop. too long to talk about. too much to say.
maybe we shall discuss it when im able to read what im writing and not guess what these squiggly words mean. (esp, put together.. judge me not, im still tired)

-The nose pin took a break from hurting. Yes i got a nose pin. not one of those huge-in-your-face ones though. just a regular non-diamond-set-in-silver cute kind. i like it. (luckily the public agrees.. i would have gushed more..maybe later?)

Nothing else really to talk about, except probably the elections.
okay, i didnt vote.
you may gasp.
Not my fault people! i registered online and everything :(
but no card :(
im an inconsequential individual in the grand election scheme. nobody cares!
But there IS one difference this year...people have really gotten into the whole 'lets vote' thing. I mean people i know-know. Almost the like of peer-pressure building up. Who could have guessed? :)

Plus, im currently contemplating not celebrating the big 21.
i mean at least not having the party-which-was-in-the-works thing.
too much effort to be honest.
and right before the JNU entrance.
blah. and no, this is not me fishing for a 'surprise' moment.
oh right... S, Sw, Nunu... the party is off.
i think i told one of you but im too sleepy to remember who that was.
so... the cookie has crumbled.
whatever that means.
oh yes, you're still going to have me pick up the tab for lunch or whatever.
name the place.
besides, S let out that since im born on 13th and Sw on 15th..THIS year they're gonna give us out gifts on 15th.
okay baba.
i can live with that.

i cannot believe im still writing.
this is unbelievable(!)
blah. im still tired.
whatever.

song recommend? :)
hehe...right.
Lets pretend i wrote something supah-cool over here.
yes, right HERE.

alrigh. shoo.
kichhhiiiiii!!!! :)

im not even going to publish this.
there, eat dirt you scumbag you.
gee-rowl

Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

It has so been determined by the fates that no sense shall pop out of this conversation with the self. In fact the fates are also to be blamed for the sudden decline in the must-apply-every(burrloddy)where fever...
(you give me fever, fever!...)

They're also widely known to be responsible for what was clearly a lack of judgement exercised in the last 2 days of obvious 'freedom'...

You know, part of Achebe 'writing back' to the western world was about showing the Igbo culture as a miniscule part of the varied African culture and ways of conduct... In simple terms, the West conquered minds by pushing this certain superior image of itself on the colonized to try and create a sense of inadequacy in the peoples own culture. Britain will murmur gently, English is superior.... Indians will accept that as the truth and play down Hindi. (Very simply put) So anyway, the point was not yet another rant about the evils of a colonized mind... the point was in Achebe, he talked about male-crops like Yams and female-crops (which were mentioned in passing and have hence been forgotten by me, another way to marginalize women? or blame of poor memory of self being displaced? *shrugs* dunnoh!)
Before we grin at the absurdity of it.... think! (i know its hard...but slow thoughts do not mean special needs... promise)

Male drink
Female drink

tadaaaaaa. ultimately, we're all the same. regardless of how hard we try to cut the cords to the past.

Ps-turns out the great self manages to lean towards the male domain in reaching for the old bottle (to drown sorrows, naturally)....
Critical input? Rum is good. Whisky isn't bad (at all).
Oh inching closer to 21. I should know better by now... so they say.

Pssst you determined reader who made it aaaaaaall the way down to the bottom of the post (you precious precious soul)
Here. Pink-Heart-Toffee, shaped like words.

"If you put your hands around the speaker of the phone. The song becomes louder.. But thats an illusion.. It seems louder.. More intense.. A lie perhaps?.. Try listening without fingers curled around the speaker.. Lower.. But more real.. Closer to what it is.. What its supposed to sound like.. At least, then you know the truth. Louder or lower. You know what you're falling in love with."

Whats more, the punctuation is the way it was originally punched into drafts folder. Go, skip with joy chip-chup-munks.
(roll the tongue around that....chippymunks...chipurmonkiii..chipilicious?! no.)

I shouldn't end with a 'no'. Not even one that sound as cool and collected as the above (no.) But brackets dont count legally(?).
Yeah, all good and divine.
(some)love
(maybbeee more later, maybbeee not, crap...ended at not again.)

Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me'
Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head

Explain me this

So mutual friend with Sister is an extremely interesting... personality. Facebook spills with over-the-top displays of affection for recent ex (he's moving back to India) and so she (Sister) sends him a message to ask him how he's handling the (devastating, claims his status) break-up. His response is a casual plan to catch up in delhi and oh yes, did he mention? Sa is now 'part of his past'. There, thats it. That is all she gets. Crumbs off his over-large mahogany table. She's his 'past'. Oh glory be. Lets not assume he's a layered human who feels deeply and hides it under a stoic front, no my innocent tadpoles..the guy is scum (and still annoyingly easy-on-the-eyes, shouldn't he have like an 'i-am-evil' sign stamped on his forehead? like the devil-child or something!!!).
She's devastated too, claim millions of wall posts.
I sure hope it secretly means as much(or little) for her as it does to him.
Still, Fee-rankly, tit for tat never cuts it.
If it turns out in the near future that they're both scum... :( ...
how sad does that make the world?

Yes. I know it isn't a 'big deal' and we see this kind of stuff everyday, at least hear about it. My point exactly, its as though we're becoming immune to insentivity and that is worthy enough of fear in itself.

Since when is hypocrisy acceptable?
Since when is it okay to not care and pretend like you do?

Cynical responses will not be appreciated. Negativity can sink ships..... or at least cause a huge dent that can bump into an ice-berg, get pierced..fill up with
salt water and sink the ship.
You know what i mean.

Ps- If you're on the lookout for fabulous movie, look no more...
The Jane Austen Book Club turned out to be quite an investment...Even if it was a little on the predictable side with the whole end bit.
Whatever, the world needs some sunshine.

Vent-ing

It occurs to me, late as usual, that things will change.
no not just people shifting base or college...but everything will change
if it hasn't already.
no sad smileys. no smileys.
there are some moments where computer generated smiles wont cut it.
this is one of those moments.

the cocoon spun so carefully to take the weight of all the daily problems will collapse into dust and melt into the ground.
a new one ready and waiting with extra-strong thread?
i think not.
there comes a time when you're too tired to test-drive that new car.
you want the rickety old one, the one whose flaws you were familiar with.
whose bumps you could anticipate
(no matter how much you grumbled about them at the time, rubbing the bruised head)

thats the things with safety nets.
we dont want to give them up.
we dont want them to go to Pune.
we dont want them to do Law without us.
we dont want to replace them with someone else.
no matter how inevitable the whole thing is.

we dont want to move on when moving on means going away.
going away from the familiar.
am not good with change.
curled up with spikes out.
thats me during shift-mode.
sadly.

it isnt fair.
it isnt supposed to be like this.
it isnt supposed to be like this.
i want the comfort of the past.
i want it to hold my hand in the future.
or at least promise that it'll be there.
i dont want it to break its word.

its all fluid now
and the currents sweeping us away.
too fast
too smooth for tears.

if you were looking for any artistic merit on this page, i suggest you scroll on down. this post isnt going anywhere.

why must be begin another journey if it too has to come to an end?
dont tell me the destination isnt important, the journey is.
i know.
but things just get more bumpy with new cars to get used to.
i hate how perverse life can be.
okay. on the bright side, life isn't forcing me to walk(just yet)

the ending is just to keep things in perspective.
but im going to miss my daily dose of coffee..and friends.
(be prepared for soppy letters)

ps- to put the cherry on this clumsy cake

presenting Aicha, just bloody because

[Verse1]

So sweet, so beautiful

Everyday like a queen on her throne

Don't nobody knows how she feels

Aicha, Lady one day it will be real

She moves, she moves like a breeze

I swear I can't get her out of my dreams

To have her shining here by my side

I'd sacrifice all them tears in my eyes

[Chorus]

Aicha Aicha - passing me by (there she goes again)

Aicha Aicha - my my my (is it really real)

Aicha Aicha - smile for me now

Aicha Aicha - in my life

[Verse2]

She holds her child to her heart

Makes her feel like she is blessed from above

Falls asleep underneath her sweet tears

Her lullaby fades away with his fears

[1/2Chorus][Bridge]

She needs somebody to lean on

Someone body, mind & soul

To take her hand, to take her world

And show her the time of her life, so true

Throw the pain away for good

No more contemplating boo

[Verse3]

Lord knows the way she feels

Everyday in his name she begins

To have her shining here by my side

I'd sacrifice all them tears in my eyes

Aicha Aicha - ecoute moi

[Chorus]

If i promise to work extra-hard at being determined in my next life, can i please give in and submit? Am i allowed to give up and not care?

No?

I didn't think so.

Psst-where is this coming from you ask?

Psst-nudge-nudge- Reality check i answer.

Enuff, Enough, Enuff said.

Black White and Grey

It was raining. It had rained that day as well. Four feet by six, too small pronounced the architect biting down hard on his slim toothpick. Never mind she has shrugged off, ‘It’ll be for storage’ and they had moved on to more important decisions.
A tiny room banished to suffer the ignominy of neglect for more than a decade she mused carefully tying a scarf around a severe bun. The sheer quantity of things that had accumulated took her breath away. There, pushed against the wall stood his first cricket bat. It had cost enough and he had begged her at age 7 to not throw it away. Even after his Papa has promised to buy him a ‘better’ one she thought smiling. On the left sat a metal trunk full of saris her mother has thoughtfully chosen, each one hand picked to anticipate multiple functions at her in-laws, paranoid about looking ‘small’.
Most had been worn once and then folded carefully for those suitable moments to present themselves. With effortless ease she had given up the hassle of her badly tied sari for the immeasurably more convenient salwaar-kurta. Each year, only making her resolve stronger and that metal case had gotten buried deeper under the bulk of yet more unwanted stuff. Things she now needed to give away she decided, giving the trunk one firm push out of the small door. It opened up a room of possibilities she realized surveying the brick floor with dust eating at its every corner. More and more things formed a pile outside the door as the maids giggled helplessly at the sight of their Memsahib struggling with cobwebs and firmly refusing any help. Dust mops, jhaadus, wet cloths and buckets of water were all sacrificed to that room. The rain splattering on the trees outside made for comforting background music as she scrubbed away at those bricks. Each battle won with the dust added to her sense of accomplishment, the like she hadn’t felt for years.
Inches away from complete exhaustion she finally looked up and found what she had forgotten existed, a tiny window near the top of the room. She stretched out her hands and pushed it open to breathe in the first intoxicating whiff of that rich metal smell mingled with fresh rain. She balanced herself on tip toe and her eyes met the world outside as light began to filter into the once dark room. She smiled to herself and knew in her heart that the architect wasn’t right. The room wasn’t too small at four feet by six; it was in fact just right.

My-Real-Post-Script---- Deeply indebted to Sh who took the picture, around which this story is spun. Here's hoping we all get that tiny room, sometime.

back, and how! :D

I think it is important we all (I) recognize the implications of what is happening.
Yesh. Right this very second. Now and now and now and now.
This is me risking life, limb and sunshine(!?!) to blog when i Should be curled up in a corner with J.Swift (sooooo i had to finish all four books by lunch and i haven't finished even one. Sooooo what?)........

But i realized somewhere around skimming through 'humans are bad, humans stink, humans are cruel people who don't have any manners' (umm, paraphrased... naturally)....that i miss blogging!
Like i reaaaaaaaally really do.
i miss the thrill of watching these words just pop up out of nowhere and typing out thoughts i had no ideaaaaaaa i had gurgling up somewhere in my unconscious.
Plus its FUN! D:....oi, odd smiley.

Or maybe im just tired of reading what Writer X has written and then reading what Critic A, B, C feel about what X says. Blah.
A teensy bit left-out am i :(
but-where-did-MY-opinion-go?
*puppy face*
does-no-one-Care?
sniff.

The answer is 'no'.
Unless i hit it beeeeeeg(big) with some supah-cool theory, im a nobody.
but but but...i am YOUNG
"I am young but I have aged
Waited long to seize the day
All things said and plenty done
Oh I am young but I have a past
Travelled far to find the start
Yes I am scared and I've been burnt
But life is short..."
Okay, so Butterfly Boucher invades the mind :)

And alsooo, i managed to watch the last few episodes of
(wait for it)
The Rachel Zoe Project (oooooooh!)
Not too bad actually if you're a secret devil wears prada fan..
i only wish she would be a lil meaner to her assistants..
makes for more spicy Teee-Veeeee :D
Somehow i have always(always always always) wanted to actually work
at a terrible job (ie. high pressure) and CRIB about the horrendous working hours...
while secretly getting a huge kick out of the deadline-was-5-mins-ago panic!
Yipee. AGENDA!
But i know, realistically, i'd get yawn-bored or just yawn-yawn-tired in about 3 weeks.

So ANYWAY, its a very predictable rut-thing as of now..
wake up...mooch around...study...talk to Sw...whine...lunch...study...power-nap-for-too-long-to-be-called-a-power-nap...study...Teeeee-veeee :)....random-food-consumption...text...try-and-study...watch more Televisionooosto(just because)...

Turns out its not so predictable...check out the wild quotient!!!! Eeeee...
*faints due to sheer hyper-activity..... not*

I like i like i likeeeeeee this. Sigh.
Whaaaa else can i go all go-gah over?
Oi, plans for the future?
No.
Umm, thoughts about the past?
Nu-uh.
Chocolate consumption?
Yaaaais. had the tiniest thinnest sliver of dark choco. (swoons. YUM)
and yes. i also kind of climbed a tree. in college.
it was fun you know...
getting back into the aaaaaa-this-makes-no-sense-mode.
plus, got my internal marks and they match what i had anticipated.
so all is good.

*breathes*
yes.
Now back to Swift and some major apologies!!
(but the blog called oooooooooout to me J.Swift. it did!!!...)
lala. whatever :D

Songs, eh?
*looks around for inspiration*
Oh yeah...to celebrate V being back in town (YAY)

Hit it ------Franklin! :)

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little pray for you

While combing my hair now,
And wondering what dress to wear now,
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part
Oh, how I love you
Together, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me.

I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.

(Chorus)

My darling believe me, (believe me)
For me there is no one but you!
Please love me too (answer his pray)
And I'm in love with you (answer his pray)
Answer my prayer now babe (answer his pray)

Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me (oooooooooh)