Its been a long day. A lot has managed to cram itself into the last what 14 hours?
Two results came bouncing out of Universities in Delhi (no, not Delhi University...yet)
One boo (which-is-just-wrong by the way)
The second is on till the interview stage (and then yay?)
Had one long sleepless night
Craved coffee (oh so bad)
Curled up into a yellow lump on one side of the car
Travelled what seems like 5500 kms (exaggeration, naturally)
Satiated above craving by indulging in college coffee (oh heaven)
Managed to wolf down college chole-chawal (*weak smile*)
Lost my purple packet of funflips to a ravenous pack of juniors
Wrangled out a result-awaiting certificate from reluctant college authorities
And now, my stomach is growling.
It may Seem like im more concerned about food than my future
(lookitthat, alliteration!)
But since the DU result isn't out, the entrance or the main exam one
And since i really can't do much about what happened...
why cry over spilt milk eh?
Besides its not like i spilt any milk anyway
The milkman(!) did
And now im having what tastes like bitter black tea.
However, that being said, it could actually be healthy (healthier!) green tea
so time shall announce that as well
It pretty difficult to put philosophy into practice
the whole treat pain and pleasure equally bit.
h-a-r-d
and dont let anyone convince you otherwise
The thing is, you can only doubt yourself for so long
Ultimately you can't float forever on cloud nine
and nor can you cling desperately to the absolute pits (or bedposts, read old post)
The balance must be found
(an odd tear or two bit later perhaps)
but
The balance must be found
Its been a massively long day
and i smell like a giant cherry (thankyou The Body Shop)
you-gotta-LOVE-the-shower-gels!!!
Peace and Love
PS- do whatever it takes to feel the joy.
the constant kind.
Much love. (yes, some more :)...)
Showing posts with label exhausted. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exhausted. Show all posts
Friday, July 10, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
read-not
Tired!!!
This is one of those penning-down-for-future-reference kind of moments.
Its a day of firsts.
-Finally met someone who told me MA in Lit is a good idea. May have helped that she's done her BA in Lit too (and loved it for the 'right' reasons. ie. ones i am familiar with. poof. dont judge me, im tired)
-Day number one of workshop. too long to talk about. too much to say.
maybe we shall discuss it when im able to read what im writing and not guess what these squiggly words mean. (esp, put together.. judge me not, im still tired)
-The nose pin took a break from hurting. Yes i got a nose pin. not one of those huge-in-your-face ones though. just a regular non-diamond-set-in-silver cute kind. i like it. (luckily the public agrees.. i would have gushed more..maybe later?)
Nothing else really to talk about, except probably the elections.
okay, i didnt vote.
you may gasp.
Not my fault people! i registered online and everything :(
but no card :(
im an inconsequential individual in the grand election scheme. nobody cares!
But there IS one difference this year...people have really gotten into the whole 'lets vote' thing. I mean people i know-know. Almost the like of peer-pressure building up. Who could have guessed? :)
Plus, im currently contemplating not celebrating the big 21.
i mean at least not having the party-which-was-in-the-works thing.
too much effort to be honest.
and right before the JNU entrance.
blah. and no, this is not me fishing for a 'surprise' moment.
oh right... S, Sw, Nunu... the party is off.
i think i told one of you but im too sleepy to remember who that was.
so... the cookie has crumbled.
whatever that means.
oh yes, you're still going to have me pick up the tab for lunch or whatever.
name the place.
besides, S let out that since im born on 13th and Sw on 15th..THIS year they're gonna give us out gifts on 15th.
okay baba.
i can live with that.
i cannot believe im still writing.
this is unbelievable(!)
blah. im still tired.
whatever.
song recommend? :)
hehe...right.
Lets pretend i wrote something supah-cool over here.
yes, right HERE.
alrigh. shoo.
kichhhiiiiii!!!! :)
im not even going to publish this.
there, eat dirt you scumbag you.
gee-rowl
This is one of those penning-down-for-future-reference kind of moments.
Its a day of firsts.
-Finally met someone who told me MA in Lit is a good idea. May have helped that she's done her BA in Lit too (and loved it for the 'right' reasons. ie. ones i am familiar with. poof. dont judge me, im tired)
-Day number one of workshop. too long to talk about. too much to say.
maybe we shall discuss it when im able to read what im writing and not guess what these squiggly words mean. (esp, put together.. judge me not, im still tired)
-The nose pin took a break from hurting. Yes i got a nose pin. not one of those huge-in-your-face ones though. just a regular non-diamond-set-in-silver cute kind. i like it. (luckily the public agrees.. i would have gushed more..maybe later?)
Nothing else really to talk about, except probably the elections.
okay, i didnt vote.
you may gasp.
Not my fault people! i registered online and everything :(
but no card :(
im an inconsequential individual in the grand election scheme. nobody cares!
But there IS one difference this year...people have really gotten into the whole 'lets vote' thing. I mean people i know-know. Almost the like of peer-pressure building up. Who could have guessed? :)
Plus, im currently contemplating not celebrating the big 21.
i mean at least not having the party-which-was-in-the-works thing.
too much effort to be honest.
and right before the JNU entrance.
blah. and no, this is not me fishing for a 'surprise' moment.
oh right... S, Sw, Nunu... the party is off.
i think i told one of you but im too sleepy to remember who that was.
so... the cookie has crumbled.
whatever that means.
oh yes, you're still going to have me pick up the tab for lunch or whatever.
name the place.
besides, S let out that since im born on 13th and Sw on 15th..THIS year they're gonna give us out gifts on 15th.
okay baba.
i can live with that.
i cannot believe im still writing.
this is unbelievable(!)
blah. im still tired.
whatever.
song recommend? :)
hehe...right.
Lets pretend i wrote something supah-cool over here.
yes, right HERE.
alrigh. shoo.
kichhhiiiiii!!!! :)
im not even going to publish this.
there, eat dirt you scumbag you.
gee-rowl
Saturday, April 11, 2009
.jpg)
my flash-fiction (under 5oo words) is turning out to be a lil darker than i would necessarily want it to be... leaning a bit on the grim side. maybe its time to experiment with humour...
ps- Artaud says we must do away with personal art and the poets personal meanings that remain unclear to the masses... "enough of these displays of closed, conceited personal art"
i say, i'm not being paid nearly enough to be clear.
actually, i'm not being paid at all.
obscurity still reigns supreme.
my post-script is longer than my 'post'.
gah.
one more senseless rule broken.
gah gah and gumboots.
here is a wiki article on the post-script.
enjoy.
i know you can google.
but i challenge you to make me care.
oh. countdown to exams is on.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Missed-conceptions
Been working. after what seems like years, finally. worked. No details. Not now anyway.
Worked on college work. Worked on DU newspaper. Worked. Worked till my eyes got red and fingers tired. Read till every bit of me was aching for a pillow to rest my head. Thought till my grey cells went on an indefinite strike. Dialled numbers, one after the other. Texted. Called. Missed Called. Punched in Digits. Working all the time. Venting out the steam bit by bit... one alphabet at a time.
The world isn't dismal. It cant possibly be, not with the awesome things that are happening in Sh's life. Its miraculous events shaping up right in front of our eyes. They've been conceived and are now coming out.. in all the gross child-birth imagery. The music is resounding in my ears. Some sounds are familar, others not. I am so not in the mood to watch that play tomorrow. I've been waiting for it all week, for multiple reasons. But now, im tired (predictably so) and dont want to care. Actually, do not care. All i feel is the music and the discomfort in my fingers as i point-blank refuse to give them a rest.
Finally some hardcore punjabi music. Yes. Fina-effing-lly. and no more need to think. Music does that, esp Punjabi music. Headbang time? Yes, we dont just head-bang to metal. Its Delhi. :)
Whoops. Song changed...'everybodies making love cause love is free...'
how bloody ironic is that?... haha? okay God, i promise to laugh . Maybe later, :)
(see Sh, im smiling and i wanna know, its just because of you... really. Thankyou)
OMG. "Begging you for mercy....".... Its time to slip on those dancing socks (umm, its kinda chilly) The Radio is haunted by my soul-ghost. How do you know which song to play? How? Are you peekin into my essence and cross-examining it for what it needs to hear? Even lyrics ive just been introduced to... are dancing on all the right chords. Making their presence felt... under my skin. Under the thinnest layer and flowing (in a medically improbable fashion) around. Wonderful. Time- 1.51 AM is the most amazing moment of every day, external stimuli wise. Ohmigod. Life is so inexplicable. Bloody insane ride.
i-am-going-to-make-it-all-work
ps-finally got my marks for that opinion based answer that i was once going ga-ga over. Validated. My opinion matters. Period. :) (for a tired, torn and exhausted person i'm quite chirpy... feel blessed. )
Worked on college work. Worked on DU newspaper. Worked. Worked till my eyes got red and fingers tired. Read till every bit of me was aching for a pillow to rest my head. Thought till my grey cells went on an indefinite strike. Dialled numbers, one after the other. Texted. Called. Missed Called. Punched in Digits. Working all the time. Venting out the steam bit by bit... one alphabet at a time.
The world isn't dismal. It cant possibly be, not with the awesome things that are happening in Sh's life. Its miraculous events shaping up right in front of our eyes. They've been conceived and are now coming out.. in all the gross child-birth imagery. The music is resounding in my ears. Some sounds are familar, others not. I am so not in the mood to watch that play tomorrow. I've been waiting for it all week, for multiple reasons. But now, im tired (predictably so) and dont want to care. Actually, do not care. All i feel is the music and the discomfort in my fingers as i point-blank refuse to give them a rest.
Finally some hardcore punjabi music. Yes. Fina-effing-lly. and no more need to think. Music does that, esp Punjabi music. Headbang time? Yes, we dont just head-bang to metal. Its Delhi. :)
Whoops. Song changed...'everybodies making love cause love is free...'
how bloody ironic is that?... haha? okay God, i promise to laugh . Maybe later, :)
(see Sh, im smiling and i wanna know, its just because of you... really. Thankyou)
OMG. "Begging you for mercy....".... Its time to slip on those dancing socks (umm, its kinda chilly) The Radio is haunted by my soul-ghost. How do you know which song to play? How? Are you peekin into my essence and cross-examining it for what it needs to hear? Even lyrics ive just been introduced to... are dancing on all the right chords. Making their presence felt... under my skin. Under the thinnest layer and flowing (in a medically improbable fashion) around. Wonderful. Time- 1.51 AM is the most amazing moment of every day, external stimuli wise. Ohmigod. Life is so inexplicable. Bloody insane ride.
i-am-going-to-make-it-all-work
ps-finally got my marks for that opinion based answer that i was once going ga-ga over. Validated. My opinion matters. Period. :) (for a tired, torn and exhausted person i'm quite chirpy... feel blessed. )
Monday, October 27, 2008
nothing rhymes with Kanpur.
I think every perfect room needs a perfect chair to park your bum and perfect book(s) to flip through. i will no longer put perfect in quotes insinuating that perfection isnt possible or relative. One thing i do know... though being glum and melancholic with violent shades of grey is currently in vogue... it doesnt make one happy. and WHY bother being anything else but?
The Trip
(was a disaster...comes to the tongue instantly) at least the beginning was a humongous mess. Bihar had an outbreak of riots and trains paid the penalty with almost all of them being cancelled. thats not all. suddenly in a fit of overprotectiveness my parents chose to exercise what they rarely do. the power to say no. i was point blank forbidden to go in a bus to kanpur. (plan B)
well.. skipping past the gloomy drama of plodding home alone and sinking into bed.. i got a call in the evening telling me the team had, in fact, not left. Yippee? i dont think so. we tried working out late evening tickets. Fast forward 5-7 hours. We (now just 12 out of a team of 18) sit trembling at the station waiting for our train at 11.40 PM. whew. on General Class Tickets.
Now, in case you dont know what that implies. lemme clarify. no reservations+scary men who eyed us and our luggage with the same greed+no adults(unless you count the 12 of us who are above 18 and who conveniently forgot to mention to our parents that the tickets we finally managed were in general class. mature)..to sum it up. Nightmare. ah. i could go on and on about how terrible it was to perform a play designed for 15 people with a mere 7. How disheartened we were when the team (initially) didnt crack the prelims (later we did...technical glitch)...how it sucked to be there and feel terrible that the others hadnt come. how ecstatic we were when four of them landed up the next day (post HUGE drama with own parents).... how i didnt think it important to capture ANYTHING on camera till the last morning at the railway station. how i met this really old friend whom i didnt expect to click so well with (our similarities can lead to a weirdly-similar club).. how i was determined to not talk and ended up singing SO loudly that ive temporarily lost my voice (really)... how nice it was to be with vrinda again and hug her ALL the time... (morning wake-up call was a slobbery mess on the cheek)... how her non-bf/really-bf made an attempt to clear the air (which worked but added more tinge-y colours to it...ie. more confusion)...how i finally spoke my mind to sn and just TALKED about how bloody nonsensical talking was. how simply too much happened to just take in. how watching kung fu panda at 3 am on the terrace on the laptop of a friend can be AMAZING because of how much mad SENSE it makes!!!!!!!...... how going on a scooty at 5.30 in the morning is exhilarating... how such moments lifted the gloom off others... how i didnt get what i wanted or expected but how it wasnt too disappointing.
i kept thinking...after this i will 'come back to life'. but i never left it. it was just me in better clothes with sneakers strapped on nearly 24/7. barely ate anything but walked more than was necessary...i kept chasing that elusive dream-like feeling of being in first year when we had first gone to kanpur. to feel the tendrils of hope inching their way up. but of course thats quite impossible. you cant recreate stuff. cuz lets face it, im different. in third year now with choices that i cant delay further. Escapism would be the silliest choice made till date (including opting for commerce in 11th 12th!!!!!).....
i dont feel bummed out. just like all my bones have been manually taken apart and then clumsily attached to form what could be a girl. have slept for 3 hours in the last 2 days and im still not collapsing. nope. but thats just a fact. im glad i went. im glad things happened the way they did. because 'in life there are no accidents' says someone wise in Kung Fu Panda. and i agree.
you simply GOTTA watch it if you have eyes and an open mind. (a narrow one is annoying...who will enjoy it nonetheless)
Anyway, thank you. Dont know why i said that.. its most certainly not directed at anyone reading my blog (no offense). Now back to the drill...celtic renaissance assignment. :)
Ciao.
ps- Wurrrrf. Growl and... Yum. (description of eye candy...festival be well stocked...:P...)
The Trip
(was a disaster...comes to the tongue instantly) at least the beginning was a humongous mess. Bihar had an outbreak of riots and trains paid the penalty with almost all of them being cancelled. thats not all. suddenly in a fit of overprotectiveness my parents chose to exercise what they rarely do. the power to say no. i was point blank forbidden to go in a bus to kanpur. (plan B)
well.. skipping past the gloomy drama of plodding home alone and sinking into bed.. i got a call in the evening telling me the team had, in fact, not left. Yippee? i dont think so. we tried working out late evening tickets. Fast forward 5-7 hours. We (now just 12 out of a team of 18) sit trembling at the station waiting for our train at 11.40 PM. whew. on General Class Tickets.
Now, in case you dont know what that implies. lemme clarify. no reservations+scary men who eyed us and our luggage with the same greed+no adults(unless you count the 12 of us who are above 18 and who conveniently forgot to mention to our parents that the tickets we finally managed were in general class. mature)..to sum it up. Nightmare. ah. i could go on and on about how terrible it was to perform a play designed for 15 people with a mere 7. How disheartened we were when the team (initially) didnt crack the prelims (later we did...technical glitch)...how it sucked to be there and feel terrible that the others hadnt come. how ecstatic we were when four of them landed up the next day (post HUGE drama with own parents).... how i didnt think it important to capture ANYTHING on camera till the last morning at the railway station. how i met this really old friend whom i didnt expect to click so well with (our similarities can lead to a weirdly-similar club).. how i was determined to not talk and ended up singing SO loudly that ive temporarily lost my voice (really)... how nice it was to be with vrinda again and hug her ALL the time... (morning wake-up call was a slobbery mess on the cheek)... how her non-bf/really-bf made an attempt to clear the air (which worked but added more tinge-y colours to it...ie. more confusion)...how i finally spoke my mind to sn and just TALKED about how bloody nonsensical talking was. how simply too much happened to just take in. how watching kung fu panda at 3 am on the terrace on the laptop of a friend can be AMAZING because of how much mad SENSE it makes!!!!!!!...... how going on a scooty at 5.30 in the morning is exhilarating... how such moments lifted the gloom off others... how i didnt get what i wanted or expected but how it wasnt too disappointing.
i kept thinking...after this i will 'come back to life'. but i never left it. it was just me in better clothes with sneakers strapped on nearly 24/7. barely ate anything but walked more than was necessary...i kept chasing that elusive dream-like feeling of being in first year when we had first gone to kanpur. to feel the tendrils of hope inching their way up. but of course thats quite impossible. you cant recreate stuff. cuz lets face it, im different. in third year now with choices that i cant delay further. Escapism would be the silliest choice made till date (including opting for commerce in 11th 12th!!!!!).....
i dont feel bummed out. just like all my bones have been manually taken apart and then clumsily attached to form what could be a girl. have slept for 3 hours in the last 2 days and im still not collapsing. nope. but thats just a fact. im glad i went. im glad things happened the way they did. because 'in life there are no accidents' says someone wise in Kung Fu Panda. and i agree.
you simply GOTTA watch it if you have eyes and an open mind. (a narrow one is annoying...who will enjoy it nonetheless)
Anyway, thank you. Dont know why i said that.. its most certainly not directed at anyone reading my blog (no offense). Now back to the drill...celtic renaissance assignment. :)
Ciao.
ps- Wurrrrf. Growl and... Yum. (description of eye candy...festival be well stocked...:P...)
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