The Hug Phenomenon

In the small speck of the world that ive had tangible access to, young people inevitably touch the feet of someone older. Age seems to merit reverential and 'special' conduct. In some cultures, girls bend to accept 'blessings' after marriage while in others its perfectly acceptable to do the 'needful' before the holy act of matrimony. But one thing is unanimous is the act of bending and expressing all the wonderful feelings of gratitude, respect and perhaps familial duty.

Except for one tiny community(that i know of) that boasts of no such tradition. Kashmiris. In an age of fast deteriorating values and forgotten languages (when most of us havent ever been to Kashmir and fewer still know the original dialect save food items), we (the 'old-kashmiris') hold on to our deep fried dum-aloos, chaman (paneer), nadaru (lotus stalk), atehru (long danglers that swing from a piercing into the bony part of the ear) and namaskar followed by an embrace (our answer to the touching of feet).

Regardless of sex, age, sexual orientation(?), colour (lily white, pale white, chalk white are the more acceptable ones, the rest of us unfortunate ones linger at the sidelines of the gush-festival) and marital status- we all hug! Depending on your comfort level (and the look in the persons eye) you either go for the full out bear hug, the more gentle lady hug (which started out as a poke at the page 3 crowd and has now started becoming less of a joke. ahem. just 2 pecks per cheek please!), the light tap on the back variety (for relatives approaching their parchment-y 90's) and finally the guy-hug (which girls arent normally able to attempt in bulky lehengas/uncomfortable suits/sultry saris).

The trick behind this intricate gesture, if you're interested, is to flash the 'genuine-smile' at everyone in a 5 km radius and then narrow it down to one familiar face. Move gracefully(or clumsily, if thats more you) towards your target (make sure they're looking AT you) gradually widening the smile by a few inches (yes) and then right before you fall into their arms...be sure to take a deep breath while joining your hands (in what seems like an effortless move) all the time mouthing 'Namaskar' with a huge dollop of enthusiasm- to be followed by 'The hug' (look above for person specific style)...

and that my peeps, is how we hug :) Now it may seem like its a lot of effort but trust you me...all the qualifications you need to pass off as an 'old kahmiri' (ones who've never lived there) is a tendency to like oily food and hug sweetly! Of course there are the more grumpy individuals around as well but they too understand that at the end of the day, we're just preserving the one miniscule thing which we think belongs to us... so we're all humoured :)

Sometimes, even though im in the habit of whining that im a rootless hybrid of a culture that was never really mine and am identity-less in terms of ancestral connections, these small things do cheer me up. I know a lot of people out there dont like their family (immediate and otherwise) and i do accept that we tend to love people because they seem to care for us (plus blood-line link) but when i meet my extended family (2-3rd cousins etc) it feels real good. Like here are some people like me. Hybrids of a rootless culture caught in an identity-warp due to lack of ancestral cultural knowledge. *grins* But really, jokes aside...and bringin on the cliches' ... i feel warm and loved surrounded by them. Thats a feeling that you will rarely find outside your own 'kind' and i feel so blessed to have that.
Thank you mum and dad for bringing me up the way you did which helps me appreciate that all thats good in me has been secretly inculcated by you guys. every seed that has an itsy bitsy part of sense in it owes its birth and nurturing to you . like me. love you.

Dedicated to papa and mumma...for being awesome. :D
*hugs*