Welcome to the age of Enlightenment

Dedicated to the discovery that people who aren't that close to you can suddenly turn out to be your 'mirror images'.

Jan last year, while caught in the middle of yet another terribly long (presumably boring) play, scary older person and i were talking gibberish (inappropriately timed). When suddenly the topic of discussion shifted to boys (not very predictable for the both of us) and how was it that she wasn't with someone. (cuz i knew she wanted to be). I guess she figured it would be too much of a bother to yawn her way through a semi-lie so she decided to tell me things as they were. She had no idea. She was intelligent, pretty and frankly awesome as a person (warm et al.) and was also boyfriend-less for the majority of her 20 years (not counting a fling she regretted). Why i wondered aloud? She shrugged her shoulders and slumped back to say that maybe she scared them. No i rationalised, you only scared me because of the not-too-traumatic first day ragging and the fact that you're an awesome actress (yes, she really was and probably is- no unnecessary flattery). Then the talk shifted to what she did want and it turned out to be the exact thing i did. (yeah, not too original of me there..peep)...It was a nice mixture of the chivalrous and non-patriarchal, who would open doors..help with the luggage..out of a sense of 'i should' rather than 'i must because she's so fragile she cant handle it'...respect along with the impulse to help.. for those interested. Post that we were quick to declare our lives as running on parallel lines and formed a bond thats never needed an explanation (but which made me travel bout a gazillion miles to her house after a 17 hour work schedule and no sleep in 2 days...to surprise her on her bday. yes, i do that for people i really like..or people who will appreciate it..:)..)..

My hidden point being that when other older intelligent person talked to me (for those 10 mins before we both dozed off) she too said the same thing in a different way. Something about one particular guy (who shall remained unnamed in order to prevent any more complications) not being comfortable with the idea of dating someone too 'strong'. Is that really true? That some people get so carried away by their fear that they would willingly give up on someone who they're attracted to for deeper reasons? Does this fear serve a better purpose...is it a way of warning us away for our 'own good' because life, in its own mysterious way, KNOWS that nobody would be happy in a relationship like that. where the squabbles would take over the fantastic 'connection' and lead to everything disintegrating intp this muddly pile of 'i wish i hadn't' and 'if only we could go back in time'...?

In my current (blissful) state of loving life (even when its uncomfortable) and treating it like a new pair of sandals (that you need to 'break into' and cross that stage of it cutting into your foot)...am determined to take it all (absolutely everything) in the spirit of learning... the decisions that time proves 'right' and even ones that it doesn't. I cant deny that some people aren't that open to screwing up (i think S and i would agree that its a way to experience and learn) but its not for the thrill of having to say sorry that we did it...its in the hope that it might just 'work out'...the fear of failing should never really stop you from trying in the first place (as people have been known to say)... I feel positively elated and more so because there isnt really this concrete reason for me to feel this way... That tells me that i may just hold onto this feeling for a longer time... :D

ps- S, you're on the 'right' track, and i got your back if you wanna do things differently.

(btw by 'screwing up' i obviously did not mean deliberately jamming your hand in a grater or something but trying to work on stuff that has some glimmer of a possibility to actually help you. Just clarifying! :D)

ps2-Kenye West...Stronger...(old track. nice track. very very nice track.)