the unsaid

so much more can be successfully conveyed by not saying anything
this makes a blog obsolete.......
odd how reluctant we are to call the 'new' obsolete....
possibly because each time some new gizmo is dangled in front of our hungry eyes......we make frantic gestures and hope that this new thing would finally give us some feeling of completeness....for now most of us have realized that we are indeed hollow...hollow from following another hollow individual......
even indivduality is in fashion....so we try desperately to run away.....trying to become that rebel that might give us a glimpse of that forbidden freedom....we end up confused.......perhaps i should use a more impressive word instead of 'confused'....but considering how messed up we are its best to leave some things uncomplicated.....we're kind of like those dogs who chase their own tail.....
we are chasing a fantasy....each individual fantasy that is strangely and eerily similar in ambition.....so now each step forward is to fill that void of deep misunderstood longing....

thoughts ramble on directionless and abandoned
poetry seems like more intellectual vomit.....
or contradictorily a desperate attempt at demystifying the everyday but not the 'normal'....
we lead exceptional lives and few of us realize that....
the road ahead is a jumbled mass of tangled vines which curve slyly to trip the fool that hides somwhere in all of us.....

insanity beckons me.....
its long fingers tantalisingly close....
leading me to definite darkness and then blessed clarity.....
release from questions.....where Faustus wanted to know all.......
some of us desire simply curling up in some remote corner of the undiscovered world or in the very least demanding a 'pensieve'.....

when the past and present exist simultaneously
when idealism bumps into cynicism
when ideas arrange themselves into a complicated ball
when hope and mean spirit join hands
when compassion and realism dance together
when individual experiences are translated into lifes lessons
strung together in one delicate thread....
they make the unsaid and the completely understood

PS-another attempt through free verse poetry to define myself....i sigh and join the millions before me who have tried to do just that....

if it were a book......

If my life was a book....

i would refuse to read the end before its time

as the leaves curl and the seasons make way for each other.....

all, as they often say, will be revealed..........

i find myself wrapped up in my own thoughts....

all i know is...........that i am TRYING.......

and this is what will hopefully make a difference...

in the end, hopefully my attempts would show their colours...

my efforts would reap results

and then perhaps i could hope for one night of contented sleep.......

O pray for me, God i know not when i may need help

that whatever you do...

wherever you may be...

everything works out for the best...

Connecting the Dots

i must be truly blessed to want to comment on 2 very different things in the same post...(writers block sure makes you appreciate not having it!)

one being Othello and i almost quote him when he says....
"my heart is turned to stone: i strike it, and it hurts my hand"
beautifully put to Iago.....it seems he takes the expression too seriously and
manages to give us a glimpse of his hurt...

the second would be "chak de"...the movie starring the evergreen romantic....Shahrukh Khan ....much has been said about this well made movie...
i would love to add that it reminded me of Lakshya.....it gave me a taste and now i am left longing ....it made me hunger for that elusive win........winning in my own life is extremely important......

i seem to measure my self worth with my successes.....a bad assignment can be a blow to my ego and one that will take time to heal ........

so where is the connecting link??
what similarity joins the revered words of Shakespeare and a 21st ecntury movie into one blog?????
i suppose its oddly about Ambition.....Iago's 'evil' one which was recognized as the ultimate 'new' one at his time and highly respected....
now mould that with OUR conception of success and ambition.....
excellence in sports in collaboration with heavy doses of patriotism is seen as positive......

Each generation finds new values to respect.....desire....achieve
this conception changes frequently
the reasons for this are many...
our history is inextricably linked with change

what happened one thousand years ago has made a difference to our lives....
whether we are aware of it or not...
ignorance is the greatest killer

if you know not who your are or why you are so
you have not any right to judge others for then you know not what made them or even who they are

deciding what you want is one of the hardest things
because you're never really sure of how much you can sacrifice
how unselfish you really are
never truly certain about how much you can give before you want something back...

following the theory of Predestination is neither intelligent nor practical in todays world.....the philosophy of karma is not obsolete but has to be one that is practiced while tryin to do 'better'.....

'better' may be financially emotionally or study oriented.........
sometimes in all three even....

many opportunities present themselves to us...
to perhaps discover and surprise ourselves...
we may bend......or break.....
each time we know ourselves a little bit more.....
we come closer to staring at our limits

and if all goes well....
one day we will truly realize
limits are only those that we set for ourselves
boundaries are man made
the deepest crevice can be crawled out of
despair can only try our patience...
there is no place the light of God cant shine
and no matter how low we fall.....
its never too late to make a fresh start

Faith, i hope we realize, is the most important thing
and Belief that it will surely be All Right...

Fear not ambition
Have faith today
what you dream now
will be a reality
someday.....

perspective may change
the idea of success vary
but when failure you refuse to accept
never shall your heart be heavy

when you think your in pain
and appear words in your mind many
take a look at life
and its marvels plenty...

bow not your head
feel shame nay
for you are special
i give thee premission
believe that you May!!!!

laugh with the world and see it for what it is......
dont hide your head in the sand,
you deserve everything good.........so dream it.......work for it...
and get it!

love!
muahhhsss!!!!!!

Rediscovering the Known...:)

i presume that we're all familiar with atleast one moralistic story....personally i'd always loved the concept of good winning over evil.....or rather naughty yet good winning over disguised sinful temptation!!....

i just happened to remember one of my Blyton favourites....the one where she talks about the moth/butterfly needing the struggle while coming out of her chrysalis......n if she is helped out then she will remain weak for life.....as the struggle to worm her way out is supposed to make her wings strong enough to face the world.....

so what initially looked like unkindness on the part of God to serve her such a fate.....that was actually (n in its most preachy form) 'for her own good'.....

what i think im tryin to repeat (as generations of better versed people have already remarked) is that whatever happens to us is because of a need....

sometimes it takes many years to recognize that need....in fact, it may even remain inexplicable for always....but just because we dont see something .....doesnt mean its not there......

all of us go through trying circumstances......if we choose the 'easy' way out.....we may actually be harming ourselves

life is neither long nor short.....its just 'right'......

many people baffle me....i wonder why they behave a certain way......
when i pondered to my philosophical hearts content...many a times, i accept defeat and surrender to simply not knowing......

for 'it takes one to know one'.....and despite my best efforts in maintaining various personalities......i am unable to force my way into everyones shoes....

there has been a rough patch.....its been a scratchy painful climb.....
with the kind of pain that isnt overtly insolent.....its the kind that thuds quietly in your veins and shouts at some inconvenient time.....as consistant as your pulse and as certain as the sunrise.....

now if i choose to view my own individual reality in this perspective......i will suffer from optimism.....hope will slowly fill my senses and invade my mind....it will comfortably amble forward with its best friend, dreams.

it will also beckon ambition, pride, enthusiasm and perhaps even call upon some obstancles.....obstancles to contain my panting breath as i will have definetly broken into a run.......from the shuffling unsteady feet......i will surely want to fly......

this is the power of optimism.......it makes you believe you can conquer the world......but it also brings with it a sharp bite of reality....the whiff of the raw desire to win at any cost......

what it will not bring.....but what it will need, is a rein......a rein of courage that knows when to stop and also one that can be flashed to proceed.....

unwittingly i dipped into the fountain that is a small yet miniscule part of my being.....yet, i dont feel exposed......
i feel content......

lots of love!
muahhhss!!!!!!!!