Twinkling memories

Post celebrating the Birthday of the loved one.. a trip was immediately planned for that night.
ofcourse impossible for me with the next few days planned solid and stretching at the seams with my ridiculous attempts to squeeze more time out of every hour. ok i exaggerate, mildly.
but they were sadly planned and packed... my days that is. while my loved ones were literally planned and semi-packed to take off into the wild night on a bouncy bus.

why bouncy you ask?
Experience.
an experience to be precise. one that was swaying far beyond the reach of planned college trips.
it exists in a limbo.. at a time when i was completely responsibility-free :D.. full of young-adult enthusiasm... but naturally wrapped in the familiar need-for-security that made me lug my backpack (and sanitiser) with me at every pit stop till we reached the end of our *very long* 11 hour bus ride..
we had the worst seats. literally.
well maybe the top of the bus would have been worse but there were no seats there. so...
3 of us cushioned together and eagerly waiting for the 2 young guys next to us to walk up front for 5 minute smoke-breaks so we could immediately expand into their seats for blissful catnaps.
so uncomfortable. so deeeeeply uncomfortable. and yet, the most fun friend-trip ever.
we trekked up an unknown hill... reached an unfathomably beautiful waterfall..
immediately escaped from our sneakers and jumped into the bone chilling water...
the photos captured are extremely unflattering but the most honest ever... happy excited bursting-with-joy faces...

i always look back on this trip with a smile specially reserved for loved ones with whom you simply cannot explain the relationship... whatatrip! so as i see beaaaautiful pictures of the trip possibly currently still on... a part of me is with them. in a way indescribable.. i too am watching the night sky littered with hundreds of glittering stars..

How swiftly time does fly...

As usual time is impressing me by its ability to swiftly take me from august to november..
from november to march and march to now... but those are reminisces of a personal nature..
and here.. on this sort-of-public blog.. they are only brief narrations.

for those mildly interested.. I have started maintaining, on my phone, various expressions of what i Really want to say/type... but due to many many many reasons.. i don't permit them a voice.
so screech they must.. and screech they do in ink.

and no ugly scrawl.. just various thoughts that come from drastically new experiences.
you know? the very fundamental purpose of a blog?

anyway...
HAPPY DAY OF BIRTH to one SPECIAL ONE!!!
May your days be filled with joy, just like your very being!!
kisses and all that.. more has been expressed and will continue to be expressed personally but it seemed okay to allow myself this little yelp of excitement !!
I've known her how long now? 10 wonderful years!
filled with joy, petulance, love, friendship and a very worthy shoulder.. a true shoulder <3 p="">how precious these friendships become as we age and they too evolve!

because we change.. as new experiences beckon us... and with some associations we find that we no longer swim on the same wavelength.. we are bobbing too far from each other to "connect" the "same way" anymore... some of these happen in a very drastic incident that reveals that we're very different "suddenly" from who we were... but we didn't change overnight.. it was small steps in different directions or one staying in the same place that usually does it...
I've heard so many acquaintances now lament at the loss of a precious aged girl-friendship... all the more precious because of the many memories built together on a foundation of youth, joy and laughter that it hurts when they fall apart (more so dramatically in one swipe)... no one seems to be immune to it.. its nice when one can re-connect and be amiable but for that moment a special configuration of personal experiences have to come about mysteriously to both in order to let that happen.. and it does happen to some with some for some and its lovely when it does.. theres a sigh of relief and a true feeling of goodwill..

Goodwill.. something i have recently recognized as precious.. not for any material gain but the peace is gives to the experiencer and the one for whom it is felt (presumably :))
to feel it is a gift... in itself.. from us to us..
to receive it.. is also a gift.. another one to be thankful to the Universe for..
because you (or i) may have 100's of "friends" on Facebook or "followers" on instagram.. or i don't know "buddies?" on some other still-to-be-discovered site, but how many genuinely wish you well?
how many extend beyond the apathetic "like" to care how you are.. feel.. what you need and how they can help?
maybe a handful among the 20 odd actually in your current social circle?

and this feeling of wishing-well need not be limited to only those you are currently socially connected to.. it expands to those who, at some point, brought joy to your life or a smile on your face... essentially it does come back to us :) all the more precious when something has been resolved..
resolution is powerful, cathartic... allowing more peace into our life..

as always.. deeply apologetic for any pain caused at any time to anyone.. intentionally or not..
wishing well.. and not holding on to anything that may have been caused to me intentionally or not..
<3 p="">lots of love and in celebration of a Special One and Special moments of togetherness
May peace be experienced by us All <<3>
To True Freedom (imaginary toast raised :))

When did you begin?...

Where do I start? Where is there really a 'beginning' anyway... ?

it isn't just about the physical birth, or the day of firsts even.. no longer the first day of school, or change of schools or even college... these are all included..
but where else do we face that beginning?

in the less obvious ways?
in the intangible ways.

in the ways we didn't realize would shape our life.. and years later we look back at that moment..
the place we were in ... the decision to be there... the thought behind why we chose to go
and we take a breath and just say "wow".. what a web life weaves while we think we're busy
designing the course of our life..
and we are.. we Do decide.. so many things.. in so many ways..
but occasionally we see a glimpse of a helping hand in the pattern of our own existence..
and to those beautiful gifts.. we say "wow"

in memory of eternally-special moments..
i remember the context.. bated breath.
blogging incessantly about my lime green backpack and ready to soar out into the world.
discover the truth for myself.
hesitating because of the body i was put in, vulnerable. sensible to the practicalities.
but ready... ready to soar. in silent bated breath for a miracle.
and so it happened.. a chance taken.. and what a gift received in return.
a "talk". a "talk" that propelled me into a journey of awareness into my past, present and future.
that "changing life" is too often used... but what do you say when multiple lives are changed...
and all our own?

what do you say when you are changed for always... and your change has the potential to reverberate into past and future lives.. what do you say? when you're holding the opportunity in your very hands.. today. and each day forward.

thats what was my true beginning.. in so many ways.
What about yours?

Some more to look(Read) back on

Sometimes I forget if I'm 27 or 28... which is obviously a huge sign of age catching up and I must naturally, then, be 28..
which I used to feel is young.. at least a year ago...
but now experientially feels old..
How do you all do it?

club hopping
bar swirling
drinking
drinking and waking up the next day operational?

Since I do literally none-of-the-above.. the only thing I'm doing is skipping..
skipping past it all... and much-the-lighter-for-it.
Occasionally one is shoved out and insisting loving voices say a "good time" must be had..
but I have always been very-middle-aged in my taste... ever since I started growing up and realising what exactly I did appreciate..

soups.books.rain.the sea.and music. and dance.. and dancing to good music with better friends :)
which was great in the 18-28 era.
and still is.

only now books are either Academic or pure vacation bliss...
dancing is those incorrigible sitting-moves in much-too-jazzy restaurants
and of course.. the big one.. Weddings :)
and the heartwarming friends are met over cosy coffee dates..
the precious times continue but life is different now..
Effort must be made to build up from the present what we wish to nourish in the future...
Effort, I have realised, is needed in just about everything worthwhile..
and much is left to learn... but steps are being plodded..
and it will all be worth very-much-while ..
because more than what one has.. is who one is and who one aspires to become...

Intent + Effort = Magic... or Karma.. your pick :)

love to all on their own aspirational journeys..
towards painting our own futures :)
and Happy Wedding Day to All the Excited Brides
Best Wishes!

the dirty P word.. Politics

I know its probably my because I'm inching closer to the big bad 3 Oh!, that I'm discussing this now..

The first discussion that i vividly remember having with close friends about this was in college... Bachelors.. and on this rare occasion the 4 of us were relaxing at a coffee space after a probably hilariously fun dinner.. and somehow.. strangely... we started sharing our Political views..
which had never come up till that day..
and i remember a merriment filled debate and quite a few of us shouting loudly but amidst laughter and a lot of learning about the political situation sans judgement.. it was a good night..
and at the end of that we were uniformly satisfied with the discussion and feeling good about ourselves for having a constructive argument and knowing more rather at the end of it..
like i said, it was a good night...in fact, as i reminisce i remember someone adding "I'm proud of us you guys"... :)

but now things have changed dramatically... political discussions are loaded.
we all know who we support, why we support them and nobody is really inclined to budge from their position based on someone elses words.. I'm not talking about "us" the innocents a decade ago :).. but the environment in general...

recently at an out of town wedding found myself loaded into a car with another fellow on the way to the venue.. and the conversation began innocuously enough but soon found myself in a place of such utterly opposing views that i found it a better to keep my mouth shut and let my eyebrows do the talking... which they did.. aplenty!...

and the virtual space and especially the comment section has become way too vitriolic for my taste..
sometimes i really wonder who these terrible people are, who begin to spew out such such such disgraceful things that you wonder why their mother never soaped their mouth in infancy!
and things that one would cringe to be even distantly associated with as a human being.. why such hate? why such hate for women? or anyone disliking Salman khan? or opposing views? basically.. opposing views.
our tolerance levels have fallen beyond belief...
we seem to be nation full of perverts and intolerant jack**es... and its not just the uneducated lot..
unfortunately it has penetrated the so-called academics.. i remember my comment-war with an allegedly educated humanities (the horror) scholar.. and how intolerant he was... how unrelenting in his desire to cut the voice of women and demarcate the whore and the virgin category... sick. absolutely sickening..
i think what is most disgusting is the Intolerance..
why are people no longer entitled to have their opinions respected?
if someone speaks up... why are they hounded?
where has "i respectfully disagree" gone?
where is the civilised behaviour in this civilisation?

where are the merry conversations of the years gone past.. :)
a post dipped in the honey of nostalgia... :)
but realistic enough about the not so palatable present day circumstances...
whatever is happening?

Unexpected thoughts...

If the Divine had made us capable of melting.. I am sure I would be in a puddle form faster than ice cream... Which is not to say that I'm not currently melting.. because I'm certain that i am... each time i step out of the heavenly space that is home... i have efficiently melted away none of the stored *cough* self aka fat... but most of the water i have spent 5 hours inhaling.
and Delhi hasn't even reached peak heat... we're still on our way to that treacherous time when mercury attempts to outdo itself...

yes yes, my saunter outside is not going to excite any sympathy *i know*.. because people are walking, working, and sitting tirelessly Outside All Day in this heat...
which would be impossible except that its actually happening..

which is similar to Dubai in a way, where workers are toiling away Outside and the establishment refuses to acknowledge temperatures higher than 50 *i believe*, which is the legal temperature till which workers are allowed to be outside... beyond which it officially falls into the category of inhumane and therefore there are laws to protect the workers..
Sadly.. its an easy loophole to locate.. that if you stop recognising the temperatures as escalating.. you can ignore human rights..

Its really not a joke... and a pretty good wake up call to how good we have it in our current lives..
tapping away at our laptops and making silly jokes about the heat .. that we have to brave for a few minutes everyday (or lets say an hour)... until we run back to the airconditioned havens that we're enjoying in our private and public spaces...

But this little "post", very much a product of thinking aloud or rather tapped stream of consciousness style, has reminded me of how much we have to be thankful for.. and how much we need to maintain a sense of compassion and a desire to help those who definitely need it..
and how it has to be a part of life.. and its not good enough for it to be a one off..
so get organised
join someone doing something good
get busy
appreciate life and the opportunities but also try and help out.
someone somewhere... routinely!
make a difference! :)

Re-visiting

Sometimes you just have to ask yourself... is what I've said/written helping?
and although you can't take words back... one can luckily still "revert to draft" posts that just aren't helping.

So in that spirit the venting has been shelved... and i can move on to better things. and sparkly moments.

:)
if only words were that easy, eh?

MuchToDo

Much excitement, much ado, much to-do... and not much keeping up with the ever expanding list of the must-immediately-accomplish.
am also convinced that all these means of "staying connected" are actually bullying us into "staying answerable" at all times.. and any desire to stay connected to reality and not the virtual presence.. or any desire to not be attached at the hip or available 24/7 makes one a direct target.
I had become quite (in)famous for responding post 2-4 hours of being contacted by any of these means...*insert gasp*
which, in my humble opinion, is quite okay... and perhaps a decade ago would have been considered good form and manners... in fact, quite accessible... but now somehow the pace of technology has convinced us that just because my message Reaches you within 2 ticks... somehow i am obligated to receive a Response somewhere relative to the speed at which the message has reached you...
as though, by virtue of having Sent the msg Fast, i am entitled to receive a response at the same pace..
which would have been considered ridiculous if it had not become so universally accepted so instantaneously

I wonder why more people don't have a problem with this answerability.. i like to take my time.. continue the job at hand.. and just because i can reply instantly.. why do i have to?

there has always been that stubborn streak in me.. to not bow down to situations just because things are flowing in that direction.. the questioning mind has always made its presence felt.. and that continues.. "just because" is never good enough as a reason..

again, i ask.. why must i be compelled?
and why is no one else asking?

Birthday Week (Wish) :)

As part of a hiccuping tradition, i shall announce my state of mind close to the Birth Day... :)
the day i slipped and came swishing out to join the masses.. intending to grow, learn, evolve and expand my consciousness... hoping that this time i would get it right... knowing some of the milestones that might await me and blissfully unaware, yet excited, about the ones to be revealed...

the day i chose to come here may not be exactly relevant (and isn't to anyone in particular anymore...since i have very much landed) but it can be a cause of celebration if i choose to connect to why i did come here. what was the intention, hope, aspiration and achievement i wished to accomplish within this life span?

if i connect to my kaaran, there may just be sufficient cause and enough joy to celebrate the year round :)

With the desire to stay connected to my purpose of birth,
excitedly,
celebrating the beginning of the 28th year... here. :)

Sisterhood calling, where are You?

Do you know what makes me feel really sad?
feminism-bashing from women.

Each time... Each time i read someone spouting vitriol against kangana ranaut it makes me really sad.. because kangana epitomises a strong person speaking her mind... and honestly owning up to not consciously being a feminist.. and someone who is in charge of her own destiny, actively!

but when i see criticism levelled at her due to her "arrogance" Aforementioned Sick Article (oh how blasphemous she considers herself a "hero" now, how dare she? they say)... and when i see that "they" is a woman.. i am saddened even more so.. because to expect that from (some)men is a given... as they struggle with what they personally perceive as an attack on their privilege to speak their mind freely or rather an encroachment onto their space of liberty... but a woman?
sorry.. but you have to be a really bitter person to grudge them the right to live their life as they please, in accordance with their own efforts..
It begs the question, who are you?

i guess there is still an expectation of solidarity from women.. which when unmet makes me angrier.. because i feel words coming from women against women are a strong tool that patriarchy uses to justify its own regressive stance.


Stop being used.
If you don't take a stand to protect a woman's right to express herself, how the EFF can YOU look into the mirror and call yourself a writer? someone, at some point, paved the way for us to express ourselves in this unequal society.. why on Earth would you, with one swipe of the pen, try and drag us back.

saddened.

why?

Why do we fudge the past?

I'm using "we" in the loosest sense possible here because i don't think i do it..
im baffled by it... when someones own words, own expressed experience of an event has been a waste of time, energy and generally has not been a "thumbs up" moment.. is instead expressed on social media as something trotting much beyond earthy joy!

What is happening?
why are we re-writing the past?
and for whom?

who are we trying to convince of an alternate experience in an otherwise drab factual past?
who is it?
are we ourselves convinced by it?
will it become a manipulated memory that we ourselves long for 2 decades hence?

It's become easier now to change what "is"
and paint over it, gloss over it, edit it, crop it, add filters, twist angles, and i haven't even begun on "real photoshopping"... we are manipulating much more than pictures and shades.. we are changing the past.

but, why?
anyone out there? reading?

You, Me, Everybody!

Someone is married
Someone is engaged :)
Someone is sharing with the world though paint
Someone is dating someone completely inappropriate but is a total sweet<3 nbsp="" p="">Someone is happy and following their dreams
Someone is unavailable
Someone is available
Someone is looking
Someone has found the one :)
Someone got married and we just found out :)
Someone is a "we"
Someone is sure

There are many Someones out there... friends, long lost friends, old, new.. every"one" is doing something uniquely different, is in a different place in their life.
it's nice to be part of the journey..no matter in how minuscule a way!
speaking of which just learnt that B got married last year! Sooooooo happy to hear from her!
<3 full="" joy="" of="" p="">can't wait to hug it out!!
excitement!!
hope the reunion materialises!
and so does my thesis!

Happy Journey Every"one" :)