Freudian Slip(s)

I am afraid
for i am alone
I am alone
to lessen the fear

The world moves not
in accordance to plan
The plan itself
was but half formed

Discovery is in silence awaited
time forlornly lies un-still
The clock moves on ahead
yet some things, still
to change, refuse

Together flow memories beautiful

added, one tiny drop

a trickle of the undesired

There, perfectly tainted in hues supreme

and the fangs come out, to play

Your Creation, Created Me

One of the more obvious perks that come with the actual Study of Literature is that you're exposed to more writers than what you would ordinarily pick up.. Having always had an almost greedy need for feel-good books, that section of 'the-perfect-world' literature had been perfectly delved into by me... However, the slightly more pessimistic (unfortunately, realistic) worldview had been avoided with a vengence bordering on rude...

Now, of course i dare not declare my ignorance.

The sorrow of the unfulfilled sonneteers has been revised till imprinted on the brain.

The joylessness of human existence and inadequacy when faced with the bully, that is society, been dissected.

The ultimately pointless act of waiting for that elusive 'something' too been explored with a magnifying glass.

Language has been found wanting.

Humanity in human experience and communication been sorely missed.

The insidious means used by authority figures, recognized.

The corruption of the human mind in search of fame, unveiled.

The degradation of a section of the human race, thrown light upon.

The apathy of the other section too brought to the forefront.

Playwrights have sung through their works, their own struggle with prejudice and discrimination.

Writers have invited us all into the murky depths of their colonized minds.

The muck, ladies and gentlemen, is now officially in the open.

The prudes are free to act out mock horror and feign disgust.

I am over the revulsion. Over the denial that preceded it.

There are phases you see, at first one is excited.. gleeful almost.

-'Oh look Mama, i can spot what the author intended to say and not everyone will understand it!'- Presumably, Mama nods

-'But wait, this writer isn't exactly nice is he?'

Uncertainly paving way to 'But he can't possible mean that!'

-Building up to 'I wish i could stop thinking, i wish i didn't see it quite so clearly'

-Edging closer to

'These thoughts, these internalisations are haunting me, they're everywhere and people don't even seem to realize that they're living by a set of rules they have been taught to follow and respect, further propagate even!'

-Hunting for answers (hah)

'Its all a conspiracy, someone out there wants the world to be like this because its convenient, but who?'

-'I'm pinning responsibility on authority, establishment but they're all people like you and me... they have been taught to do this'

-Tracing the blame-game to a hollow centre... and disillusionment?

I recently checked out the The Concise History of Literature from BCL... I think, in time, i may just write... The Not-so-Concise History of Learning Literature...

Who knows, someone even might pick it up someday... just for kicks :)

What good is knowledge, when even with it... the World refuses to change

I would really advice people picking up literature to think twice, and ask themselves once if they really want to change so much that it'll make it harder to accept the illusions? Before you jump up and yell for honestly, know.... its the same illusions that have kept millions happy before you and are affording a happier (easier) sleep to your contemporaries..

Its not a course, its a lifestyle that will echo throughout your lifetime.. and there isn't a (known) way to reverse it

I kid you not... :)

Choose the picture and how detailed you want it to be...

Choose well, i know i did :)

Mushroom-ed In

So S happens to be moving to Pune

Sw is working her way to DU Law

A is in all probability going to rock the media world (yay)

and well, people are moving on.

The fun time is officially drawing to a close and the 'regular' class timetable has been stuffed into the green bin.

Also, this obsession with green led to all the junior-kiddies handing me green gifts! Nope.. no baby eucalyptus trees... but shirts, bangles, nail-paints.. the works!.... Apparently one is entitled to 'we'll miss you' gifts.. Aww.

But what was cuter still was this framed collage that dramsoc-kiddies presented all 5 of us with :)......Yes, we threw them a party as a thankyou for the wonderful play on the Farewell... This is all messed up and chronologically f****d.whatever.
What has happened?

Let me retrace my steps.

Highlights

Today- Lounging about looking casually occupied

Monday- Watching (awful)movie spontaneous plan

Sunday- 'Cast Party'

Saturday- Planning 'Cast Party'

Friday- The last few watered down classes

Thursday- Official College Farewell

Wednesday- ah, too long ago.

Oh... more importantly, have given my room a thorough mid-march cleaning!

It looks absolutely stunning now.. okay, so it looks clean (don't be picky)

I'm also refusing to top-up my sad balance... this way i figure i'll waste less time on the phone.... Apart from the daily dose of the incredible miracle that is existence...am trying to narrow down on 'suitable' post-grad options...

as of now, its proving to be a bit of a challenge.. but not that scary really

Best case.. i find the course i want and get it... (somehow, somewhere) Worst? i find the course i want and get it a wee bit later than wanted. Either way, it will work out. It simply has to :)

Oh, finally to sum up.. managed to download 24 of my fav-est songs!!

ipod and i are happy!!!!!!!

Let me end in the 'Dear' format

Dear Dear.

There seems to be no path in sight, but i am yet to give up on hope.

Sayonara Ladies.

courtesy deviantart
N is officially thanked for the introduction :)

'oh i won't hesitate no more...'

It has been a wild purple-orange-ice-candy mix, the last week.

Cold for starters.

Whenever things get complicated in life, it is better not to write about them.

At least not on a regular blog (yes, duh)

Coming back to the cold. Its cold again. Okay, people might disagree but its gotten colder. Cold-er. But not in the afternoons.

Its a bad weather phase.

Chilly-wear-full-sleeves-in-the-morn kind.

Want-to-dive-into-pool-in-the-afternoon-kind.

Besides that fascinating bit of mindnumbing information... Fell crummy-ill for few days. That pretty much screwed all plans of studying for hours on end.

and now the official datesheet is out.

5 weeks till my first paper.

Need i say it out loud?

Okay, i don't feel like studying. (too much time does that)

I wrote this humongous para right now and erased it.

Got the funniest feeling... the erase button looks kind of funny running

backwards.

yes, i get it... im strange (but try it anyway!)

I'm happy and stuff.

'and stuff'?

I'm happy (fullstop)

nah... too abrupt.
I'm happy and stuff :)

There is always stuff... even when you don't know it.

Stuff never goes away.

It is like a disclaimer.

I'm around and stuff...

I'm with you and stuff...

Here is a toothbrush and stuff?

No. Here is a toothbrush is an action of giving.

There is no 'stuff' there... the toothbrush is in the process of being given.

Will give you a toothbrush and stuff...

THAT is a 'and stuff' zone because the toothbrush is still not around.

When you promise something there is no need for 'and stuff'

'and stuff' is scope for something different

'and stuff' is a reminder that things may change.

'and stuff' is a slap in the face of certainty

They always say its better to know the temperature of the water before you dip your feet into the pond

recognition of lifes little intricate games is what growing up is about...on the path to more aware and better understood decisions.

Choices are the funniest things.... I'm still not quite sure if we choose something based on our own innate essential character or if our choices are determined by past experiences that mould our character

I can't think of a perfect example to exemplify the dilemma that strains the relationship between the two :(

but okay, i'm just going to assume people 'get' the difference.

Ps- Yesterday was fun. Danced in anticipation of Thursdays dance. Lots :)

Pps-Life is good

Ppps-Happy Holi All :):)

(may the joy last longer than a day... like the colour on ones face :D )

Oh- Song?

I'm Yours- Jason Mraz :)

awwwwwwwwwle.

This is a picture of a, would you believe it, Rabbit!?!

If this isn't the furriest fattest most adorable rugwabbit i shall eat my socks!

Simply HAD to share it :)... (provided by google for those aimless enough to go around searching for pictures of rabbits..ask not why)

Dayum, i love the lil (huge) furry monster. i waaaaaant!!!!

Only animals can look cuter when they put on 200 kgs!! unfair but true

*insert beam smiley*

Is it just me or does s/he (it?) resemble a giant pillow?

Again, i waaaaaaant!!!!!!

I promise to remember to feed it!!

Promiiiiiiiseee!

S. Sw. Nunu..... birthday gift? :)

Sheesh, cute-ness overdose.....saaa-iiiiii-ghhhh

Callmecrazy

(Oh)Dear

call it crazy

but it is a right

roll eyes

at a decision clear

pass judgement

on those hours safe

call it crazy

still is, motivated by something else

take the route marked

laugh at those who don't

go ahead,

refuse to it dignify

Know,

my choices will be vindicated, someday soon.

Almost a year ago i wrote about a certain Y person who was suspiciously helpful. Well, time proved my instinct right.

Life sucks. And people are mean (and selfish)

Wish i could look at the larger picture and identify this as a pin-prick, completely inconsequential in the humongous universe. Irrelevant when rubbing shoulders with the greater evils of society and human-kind.

But wishes don't come true.

Want to roll over and pretend like the world is a great place.

*10 minutes later*

Okay, i am So melodramatic. Should just whine like a puppy and be done with it. Yes, i know. This Too Shall Pass. Yes, i also know... there are bigger problems than one insensitive person. YES YES YES. I get it. I should be a less-frustrated adult about this. I love Sh, she sent me the cutest picture to cheer me up. Won't post it, its too darn cute... sigh.... love :-* shwuti.