Privilege

Everyone has pet-peeves.. My sister realised she didn't like the toothpaste tube squeezed from the middle ...

I, on the other hand, discovered I am completely p*****-off by female patriarchs...
Especially when women-of-our-age/generation/academic upbringing Choose to lambast other women for pointing out the unequal opportunities given to women in society ...

more than men, I feel we're collectively anchored down by women who would rather be part of the "boys club" rather than stand up for the (current) truth

because being part of the "boys club" means being on the receiving end of nearly universal applause and popularity .. Such a great girl, not like those hysterical feminazis... Raking up an issue without merit .. Pointing out inequalities in the system .. How ridiculous! Who has Time for such uncomfortable facts? Let's celebrate our privilege and applaud her for pulling another woman down

As usual, disappointed.

my Ode to the Sea

like I've already enthused.. the sea has a very special place in my heart-mind combination
worthy of many heart-icons... and definitely an ode.

the pictures have been captured off of google... no claims of "mine".. but don't they make you feel so light inside?

as though the potential of the Universe is spread in front of you... and you are just a grain of sand on the beach... nearly invisible, yet part of this vastness

how important we think we are.. our thoughts, emotions, decisions, love life even... our lives.
yet we will one day be just a memory in the minds of a few... till they too are a memory...
and then our mind carries on in another form to learn new lessons, holding on to the old hopefully...

this human form that we value so much.. our aspiration and dreams... are but shifting sand... melting out of time's hands... yet to open our eyes to the infinite width of the Divine's creations... the expansion beyond the potential of the physical eyes... the compassion to soak in all our emotions... absorb and transmute... cleanse us of our heaviness so we experience our lightness in its healing embrace... we love you sea, my heart declares... my heart, my mind and me...


i remember one experience of clearly realising the love experienced... thailand with family, but a trip with new friends actually.. after jet skiing off the waves, falling from the banana boat.. a pair of inappropriately torn shorts later (can they ever be appropriately torn?)... i sat in the sea holding on to their bobbing rope on the side... declaring to us, seaward-bound, till what point it was safe to paddle in.. i chose to hold on and as the sea pulled me in i remember telling myself 'don't forget this moment'... there are a few moments in life that you have to tell yourself.. don't forget this.. remember how you are feeling in this exact moment.. this moment will slip away but let this memory remain... and source from this the strength to face all the other moments that may not be as heavenly...

kisses to the sea from too-far-away... i wish we were as close in body as we are in mind .. 

the list

When the things "to do" stretch beyond three pages, loosely typed, and branch out into diverse aspects cushioned in each particular stop... what do you do?

Well, I, search for a way online to do one small bullet point ...

do we ever get points for trying?

excuse the less-than-sunny tone... its one of those contemplative days.
ho hum. managed one point now. realised it was moot post following through. like i said, its one of those days.

i love the privilege of being able to indulge verbally into this vacuum of virtual space. where ink and thoughts are sucked in, momentarily glimpsed by some... or maybe ignored by all as we continue to click on virtual-to-'real' purchases.

gamble. sometimes choices are just gambles disguised as decisions. thats why i tell near and dear ones to be as thorough as possible. practicality is heavily underrated, much like dancing around trees much much overrated. although i guess i would have to actually circle the tree to make an accurate assessment.. but it seems like more work than play. although swings in parks are underrated. swings are great.

childhood was great, if only we all didn't constantly yearn to 'grow up'... but to be fair, we were seduced. by the promise of what adulthood would bring. choices, freedom, later bed timings and the possibility of sleeping past 9! (joy was anticipated)... responsibilities and a job translated to glamorous freedom... no answerability (at least less answerability)... freedom only visualised as a picking up of the jhola and striding off into the world... brimming with enthusiasm, pulled by the possibility of a wonderful, successful, enterprising day..

you don't get gold stars for meeting your deadlines... i recently told a friend PMS is not really a "post" thing.. its pre, post, during.. it pretty much strikes whenever the h*** it wants.. its a state that is. an isness of inhabiting a woman's body and holding its hormones. its when things that are normally shrugged at, make you a little teary eyed. its a hormonal vulnerability that craves soup, sleep, silence, and warmth. it can strike at any time of the month, completely unrelated to the cycle of the egg... i feel like i should have given a *woman feelings* disclaimer before this spilled out. but what to do? sometimes a wave catches you unaware.. and all you can do is try and not swallow that salt water... i love the sea... i really really do..
i feel like the sea is where i am at home... embraced by the larger ocean body...
my most favourite-est :) recent happy memory is of the girl-trip to goa.. we were at the beach, our last evening... and i sat in the sea for over an hour... and we watched the sun set over an impossibly long time.. the sky turned yellow-orange-pink and a kaleidoscope of orange and reds... for the longest longest hour... and as the waves washed over me... happily submerged... feeling the pull of the sea.. washing over and pulling out of me.. we sat, some stood, some *very much with baby within* were at the cafe, but in the security of the "us"... we watched the sun dance out of view of where we were on Earth... the sea is my always-love.. the sea is that embrace, whose mere memory, can even make PMS fall back into the great distance...

if i haven't said it enough... i love the sea

from where we started to where we are now.. but that's life. that is just it.

Adapt or... ?

I think (for the moment) the most underrated trait is Adapting...
it is a rather Positive attribute that my mother has probably always talked about.. unconsciously...

but today I see the merits.. with adapting you learn tolerance, patience... and the best part? you get to learn.

I think reading linda goodman's sunsigns book on personality traits, as a child, affected me rather not-positively.. it reinforced the least-peace-giving parts of my personality i.e. stubborn as a bull... I used to relate that bull headed tendency with a firm will, immense will power and the strength to stick your ground.. which it Is... also.

but it can also translate into rigidity, not seeing anothers' perspective, being stuck in the old, not evolving, rooted to the past... which is least joyful and the opposite of growth.

i truly believe the Universe has conspired (like it does for all of us) to place me in a situation via certain pulls of the heart-mind-desire to be around those who will always share with me the transparent truth. for only with such mirrors can you see yourself without romanticising what you carry... but today with Grace it suddenly struck me that when i adapted today.. much like a birthday at least 5 years ago, i learnt how to do something that i felt was beyond my grasp.
as i navigated the unfamiliar trail with steps clearly marked... waiting for a mind to follow through... i felt proud and happy with the result.. "I can do this," too ;)

a happy diet-coke cheers to consciously adopting Adapting :*
love to all
may we all continuously find more ways to peace... hugs!

What we do when we type h-e-r-e

Recently I realized Blogging is a little... self indulgent.. well, duh... but for some reason these things take time to sink in for me. but i like indulging.. especially in nutella and peanut butter.. but that's nothing new...

so armed with this knowledge that this is ultimately an act with no other purpose than to indulge myself and my oh so petty thoughts (yes, this is honesty day)
.. knowingly i shall use this medium to introspect... and the irony is not lost on me.. to express Outwardly to Introspect... really? how silly.
but that's an aspect of me that exists. petty and silly. and a dreamer... ... ...

P doesn't read this blog.. or any blog probably.. P lives the day. doesn't talk about it.
S (me) bustles around the day, or rather the clock... but somehow I'm realising Time is actually the most precious 'thing'... because it isn't a 'thing'... it's the most precious because we cannot hold on to it or make it stop or slow down or do anything other than what it is... it is unchangeable but in spite of that, we have the potential to change (nearly) everything in it. so what is precious? our breaths.
the number of breaths we take and what we do with them...

I'm not sure what I'm doing with mine besides drinking copious amounts of tea... which I have begun to like much more than coffee (who knew)

I'm not sure what I'm doing with my time and why... but who can one ask when one doesn't really want an answer?
Sometimes I feel like I have life really sorted out.. I mean really... Like I know X marks the trail on which I must walk to reach the destination I can sort-of-glimpse.. definitely witness.
and it's very clear... and I can see all the stupid stuff that makes me fall and take a nap on the side...
but other times I'm blogging aimlessly and wondering when on Earth I will collect my degree and move beyond to other achievements..

yes, definitely a self indulgent medium ;)
love to all and a big ball of rainbows (360 degree rainbows, yes, they exist!)