(within)ribbons of blue

our mind may just be like this deep blue sea... with green weeds.. shimmery reflections bouncing off fish.. magical corals.. and sand at the very surface of the bottom.. and tiny invisible gaps in between those grains of sand... little magic. ah. i meant. our mind is full of thoughts.
and each thought is unique, but popping up habitually.... each thought has an energy.. has a memory and maybe a hope in the future... it could cause a pang, a soft smile, 'heart'ache, and giggles... or even a single thought could discharge all the others and bring the self to Balance.
i watch the self brimming to the surface of the sea.. the tiny thoughts of everyday living. with the saltiness of an ache.. with the gloss of a desire.. with the tremblings of the unknown..
but i wait
i wait for it to all surface and melt away
and sometimes melt away only half formed
because i watch the self dissolve who i was to become the original i
the i sans this swirling mass
i in the element
the i of strength
the i connected...

if it doesn't lead to peace and harmony
i will not hold on to it

a whole lotta Perspective

what I miss about being driven around
-being able to close my eyes each time a breeze wraps itself around me
-sleeping
-zoning out to music

what I like about driving
-learning the roads... finally
-the lack of guilt at driver bhaiya waiting
-the fact that I can reach the most beautiful place on earth when needed :)

I can always zone out sometime else.
Thank you God for all your blessings

of Strength

So Boohoo I didn't get exactly what I wanted..
What about the gazillion (read countless) times I Did.
What about the endless stream of tiny miracles that outline everyday?
when that moronic pedestrian Isn't hurt by the car I'm driving
when everyone is safe and sound (and the world is frighteningly not)
when guidance is received, through so many channels
when Inspiration doesn't slip through ones fingers

how big of a deal IS it if I didn't get exactly what I wanted
we need to constantly remember (and I share because its what I Am going through)... to constantly remember that whatever is happening is for our OWN greatest good, strength and growth. the Faith that the Universe IS looking out for us. because it is... and all we have to do.. is keep that in mind.

oh Boohoo sam. Keep the faith alive.
psst- since everyone pretty much already knows who I am.. I'm sam.
and I don't really care who knows that (now) :)
taa.. oh and I'm a qualified karmic healer now.. so those seeking sessions in Delhi may contact me
*grins*
lets get seriously empowered.
love and light

r for Roarrrrr

Often the difference between someone smart and someone brilliant is how much time they've spent alone digesting all that they've experienced.
Experienced tangibly and also through books. World history, geography, politics, leaders, architecture.. you name it. and the period of ruminating over it all... watching the pieces float slowly to the ground and settle. to form a pattern.

Not only have I not read 'enough' but I haven't let it come together to form a coherent perspective. I actually wonder how I landed up in a class full of University toppers from all over India. sounds scary, right? Not everyone is Mr/Ms Brilliant of course, some people are just regular bright/smart/hard working... Have to actually put together a presentation by mid-next-week. teensy bit terrified. and any updates from friends are through their blog posts. We're all so past the 'different paths' place that our movement is not even remotely aligned. which is fine. Need to spend WAY more time at University library cramming up. Esp if I want to make it through to the direct Phd route.
But I'm not doubting my ability or finding it lacking. I'm recognizing a need to work hard and gain some serious knowledge :) and for all those having a not so great day... realize that you're beautiful, intelligent people brimming with potential to be even more fantastic. All of you... all of us. We just need to apply ourselves towards whatever we think is worth accomplishing for a happy peaceful life. Love to all.

GK

For those lucky enough to be in Delhi right now. I recommend trying to catch an Art Exhibition in M Block.. you may think I'm absolutely crazy.. but drift towards where McD's used to be and glance in on a blue decor shop window. Climb upstairs and Voila.. Joy.
If you do manage to go, please share the experience :)

ps- Nope, I'm not the artist and this isn't a sneaky way of self-promotion... Taa...

It was the first week of Bachelors and a few of us decided to go to the nearest mall and talk (eat?..)... Anyway, the 6 of us sat down outside and fell into discussion about what we really wanted to do. Out of the six of us... five of us said we wanted to write fiction. Some of us shared what we'd already attempted... and now 5 years later.. I see a lot of blog posts.. but no novel that I helped create. Sometimes during the day I find myself thinking/muttering something that I know if I read in a story... or a movie... I'd snort with laughter. Its at those moments that I wish I could just pen it down... not just the line. The Exact context. A girl just like the way I view myself and the situation exactly as it appears to the girl at that moment. Somehow it isn't coming naturally to me to actually write anymore.. even flash fiction. But I know I still want to write. I want that discipline writing demands. and I know that discipline will come with practice and falling into that habit. Till the words can finally flow... from where I know they still churn.
Psst- caught Rise of the Planet of the Apes recently.. good enough...more interesting after I google-ed all previous film summaries.. (start at 1971).

Darcy

Until

If I caught the world in a bottle
and everything was still beneath the moon
without your love would it shine for me?
If I was as smart as Aristotle
and understood the rings around the moon
What would it all matter if you loved me?

Here in your arms where the world is impossibly still
with a million dreams to fulfill
and a matter of moments until the dancing ends
Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear
Not a solitary thing would I fear
Except when this moment comes near the dancing's end

If I caught the world in an hourglass
Saddled up the moon so we could ride
Until the stars grew dim, Until...

One day you'll meet a stranger
and all the noise is silenced in the room
You'll feel that you're close to some mystery
in the moonlight and everything shatters
You feel as if you've known her all your life
The world's oldest lesson in history

Here in your arms where the world us impossibly still
With a million dreams to fulfill
and a matter of moments until the dancing ends
Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear
Not a solitary thing do I fear
Except when this moment comes near the dancing's end

Oh, if I caught the world in an hourglass
Saddled up the moon and we would ride
Until the stars grew dim
Until the time that time stands still, Until...

Tum tum tadadum

Well, at least the drafts are getting nice and plump with posts.
in learning

sparkle

The most wonderful thing about being less-than-savvy with technology
You get to have EUREKA moments.

and the light floods the room
speaking of light... a tiny flame has shifted base
and it isn't goodbye.. just lots more to share when we meet next
:)

and sing

Khwaja mere Khwaja

still rambling.. yes, still

Its normally one exhausting exam per week.. followed by the yummest food that I can hunt/order in/pluck out of the cupboard. I think I actually ended up writing a bit like this during the exam.. Imagine. how interesting a read for the examiner, no? Luckily I wasn't testing his/her response to the Indian-English "no?" theory. I love ending a perfectly correct Queens English statement with the most inappropriate Hindi-clucking-sound or word or aadat. :)
Have found what to wear (sort of) for The day ... but don't know where I'll be going.. or with whom. Well actually, there Are 7 people who I should be meeting... but divided into umm 5 groups(?).... If I have to meet people individually what do we call that? #notaparty
correct
but if we weren't defining by what it isn't?
#cosynon-groups.
okay... lets go with that.. but of those 5, lets subtract two as not happening... and umm 2 more as the laws of probability or something.. and add 1 as a surprise element (As always)... we have .. ?
Two. Two cosynon-groups :)
I think I'm the only one superrrrrrrr excited.. but well.. it Is my birthday.. oh God.... Fine.. I shall stop with the incessant yapping :)
Okay so heres what.. even if nothing works out as a plan-plan.. I will still
-drink loads of water
-get my picture taken (so I can stare at it when I'm 40 and it'll be like looking into a Mirror!..cause I'll look young-and-glow-y then... not cause I look old now.. duh.)
-eat some cake (ok, lots)
-start something positive that I'll continue for at least a year
-drive
-go for a walk
-connect
Okay, sounds a full and fabulous day anyway!
ps- speaking of fabulous.. an unexpected telecon with sh.. brilliant to connect on that... love and more love

enchanted

I want a snowfall kind of love..
nope, not the same post...
:)
but the song seems to be on repeat... 'wont you bury me in your quiet love?'
it would be easier to laugh it off, brush it aside, cover it with cynicism. no?
It doesn't take courage to know what you want.. You just need to be honest with yourself.
Plain sailing from there, I'm discovering.
cause I'm actually a snowfall kind of girl... :)
I hope you find what you discover what you're looking for
and when you do.. Hope you get it...
and if you don't.. may you take something even more precious away from that..
a lesson learned and challenge overcome.
I want a snowfall kind of love...

chalte phirte

sugary sweet sunflower seeds are kind of delicately yup. not the kind of snack you dream about.. but nice enough. yes, you dream of genie.. i dream of snacks. sometimes. when hungry. i'm not like a giant hog y'know. chaotic day etc today.
but a happy ending or sorts is about to come.. post dinner- curling up with foucault. yup.. thats a french dude. and we're gonna get all..analytical with him. hot, right? reading that is.
chalo, cheers to growth in knowledge.
XX

dress alert

for those of you keeping track of desires being magically and lovingly fulfilled... or just mildly interested enough to read on. sister went out and bought a dress for the birrrrthday. well... not that she intended to but it looked awesome on me so im keeping it! one wish down.. just the 2 kgs to go :) yup.. exciting enough for me to blog about it from the phone.. uh.. well this happened on wednesday.. so no, clothes dont occupy my mind all That much. wow.. this middle ground is tricky. lets just say lalala someone shopped and i get to keep (ok wear for one day) the dress... happy three weeks to go. and yes.. exams  still on. May love light and more love shower on all

Ingrid

I want a snowfall kind of love
the kind of love that quiets the world
I want a snowfall kind of love
as I'm a snowfall kind of girl
I want a snowfall kind of love
that lights up the sky from below
I want a snowfall kind of love
that brings people to their windows

wont you bury me in your quiet love?
bury me in your quiet love
bury me in your quiet love
and we will blow away

I want a snowfall kind of love
the kind of love that keeps you in bed all day
I want to walk through with you
and watch it all melt away
wont you bury me in your quiet love?
bury me in your quiet love
bury me in your quiet love
and we will blow away...

To sum up

the font and the format is so outrageously unconducive to reading that I actually don't want to read the previous post! All is see are drunk slightly delirious words popping out with spluttering impolite-spitting urgency. The kind of conversation you walk away from patting your napkin against your spit-drenched cheeks. Remember the exaggerated windscreen wiper glasses in Main Hoon Na? (the shahrukh movie with sushmita as the hot (gasp)chemistry teacher?) Anyway.. point of the previous was... I'm super excited about my birthday and well, I'm super excited about my birthday :) cheers! May you also be super excited for yours :)

herebirthdaybirthdayHEREbirthdaybirthday

The format of the blog has become a little warped. It seems to never sit well in the assigned design. Speaking of which.. lets play a game.. What all can you possibly GIFT a 23 year old? :D suggestions are more-than-welcome. the crazier (but still useful) the better :) oh OUTRAGEOUS maybe. I'm excited for the Biiiiiiiiiirthday. though really, when I try and figure out Why, I do draw a blank. I mean S has exams. (booo...but I got her gift already..YAY) A probably has Something J people have exams (like I do) V is out of town Basically... everyone is somewhat busy and I'm currently not in the mood to put together a home-music and crazy-not-drunk-dance scene. (though I floated the idea of of K in genie costume and hukkah... she wasnt too thrilled) What it comes down to is 1) throw me a surprise party. except, dont. because I won't have the right clothes at a moments notice and I don't like surprises too much. except if you're giving me a giant diamond ring spontaneously. that I'm open to IF I love you romantically. which I don't. so no surprises please. 2) call/text/mail me if you're free for THE day...today.tomorrow.or a week before THE day. so I know how to shuffle the groups around to meet everyone :) (see THIS is what I do.... the energy bubbles CONVINCE me its gonna be awesome..which it is.. even if the plan goes completely mad... which it also always does) 3) I am vaguely open to the idea of a beautiful bag. but this is only for mum. nobody else buy it please :) what was this post about? oh yes... ideas. I'm gonna be twennnnny threeeeeee ... Okay quick before-birthday resolution. Will buy a beautiful (flattering.ofcourse) dress. But thats really a desire not a resolution. and my real desire is mom and sister will buy me that dress without my having to accompany them shopping. YES> thats a wish. Resolution- weight loss? nah. okay, maybe 2 kgs. alright then.... 13year old I and 23year old I will be united in the weight loss dream. how... regressive. bah. whatever.... The BIRTHDAY IS COMING!!! (imagine a silky-brown spaniel rushing towards your open arms. thats it baby!) (really.... what is happening to the format?)

Golden Mood

Is- in the mood for some genuinely interesting conversation that may include *resonance in spirituality *the world of expensive and crap wines *the even more magnificent world of scotch *art..perhaps the parallel movement with literature? *underwater life... no more discussions on commerce, cinema or crackers (um. I liked the 'c' alliteration) NEW things to know from wildly interesting and eccentric individuals... too much to ask? I think its time to travel... chalo chale Greece ooooh or this beautiful museum on an island in Germany. I'm that flexible with travel plans. :)

no bark, less bite

so V & co. told me about this 3 hour trek on a sunday morn. It sounded like a good way to walk off those wai wai packets.. yes.. packetS anyway. until the price tag came up and I figured the company wouldn't compensate that mini void in the wallet. why should I pay you to make me walk? huh?? besides... until I'm officially raking in the pink 1000 rupee notes I should only spend them on essentials. Like The Body Shop stuff. and Flipkart books. (the last one was total crap by the way... not going to believe reviews by strangers again.. rippedoffwasi) since it is SO easy to find fault with everyone (the trek organizers. flipkart book reviewers... ) I'm going to bring to mind 3 wonderful things about the first four people who pop into my head F- funny, smart, charming (gentlemen, she is also available :) ) Ve- HILARIOUS, witty, warm (nope. isn't on the market...at all) eM- joyful, genuine, loving aR- smart, nice, considerate Its nice to know smart, funny, happy, loving people. :) God Bless

one of those all-over-the-place posts

I started to write an "I think" post, only with the disclaimer "as of now" trailing smoothly behind it. You know, the post that lists out a bunch of eclectic things that I sort-of kind-of maybe assume as correct. but I'm genuinely itching to write a post about the World Cup (mustrestrainself..or will be butchered by fanatic fans. argh).. Ah the pressure to live a happy peaceful life is tempting. Live and let live? ok ok.

but its still unfair that the majority get to have their say on social networking sites (which I secretly still visit every once in a while)... and I have to stay mum on threat of complete terrorization by the irrational Indian MOB.

YES. I'm talking about YOU. (probably)

To talk of more profound and world-altering things.. I'm no longer able to make out if I'm hungry or uhh.. not. The tummy is playing a funny hard-to-get game with me. Organs I tell you. Back to work I say and the safest thing to do is consume tons of water till all is well in the physical body. Tootsie and Mitu send their love. Ta... Ps- I'm curious about the identity of one of my readers... will you oblige? Pps- Does anyone else notice a pattern where I get more regular on the blog close to the exams?

compatibility

Wavelengths are the funniest things. You can be totally on the same page with someone and then suddenly the balance shifts and the vision is skewed. And then there are those others, those precious few that God hands out because He knows you need someone who knew you when you were young(er) and stupid(Er) to talk to every once in a while. and it works.. because the idiotic choices you make as you prance along the years... they mirror that in their own unique billion-miles-away way. and magically, 7 months into not talking.. you can still pick up the phone..swap notes on the latest..and be on that same very page nodding along. Veeee is awesome.. and moronic. but I love her. We're both donkeys from the same grassland...

Radha

Rainbows, Butterflies, Unicorns, Pink-Purple Gold clouds... love, all sit differently on each tongue and then roll out in unforgettable ink drops. In this world of seemingly limitless variety, it appears impossible to find reconcilable differences. but when they're found. when.they.are.found.. you have balance. and magic. and a fairytale that most don't realize they're a part of. only, its so clear to the one who cares to notice, that they're each perched on a swing set side and no one is tipping over... Here

ripple

Its time to break those patterns
Patterns Ive been uncomfortable with but a slave to

Its time to break them not because it'll be easier for the world
(that is a lucky byproduct)
But because in the journey towards maintaining that inner peace...
I need to lose all habits that create ripples
Unproductive ripples


and float I could, with the current
lightly tread on the path prescribed
delineated
assigned
marked by those pretty white arrows
leading the way
Allowing old footprints to guide me
But wait, have I been here before?
will I stand here again, someday soon?

I could, could I?, I could
change?
break away not for its sake
but for mine
walk a different line
with a different tune occupying the mind
I could, Could I?, I might, Will I?
I will
(and blessed will be the journey towards peace)

Shade of a Baby Orange

Its astonishing how often we get it right...and then forget that we did,
kudos to 2008 version of me for the predictions
(saved in drafts)
the only relevant difference being how well we handle the obvious :)

its interesting to look back and (hopefully) see how much you've grown
and it goes on

exams give me too much time to introspect
wah

Surfacing

"for virginity to the mythological mind does not connote the absence of sexual intercourse, but rather that sexual intercourse does not violate the integrity of the female and make her dependent upon the male..."

whoever said the future is always progressive.

toomuchtime?

When I least expect it..
music gets me again
Aint No Sunshine
Stand By Me

Toodledo

We all have that afterthought... you know.. the one right after you've done/said/thought something stupid and immature.
You know, the one that makes you.. Pause. and then unpost a post *mock-grumpy*

I wish I could let that overpowering sensation of love take over me at all times.
When I wouldn't feel the need to think of people as individuals..
where people, animals, trees would all just be one vibration of light

Then I wouldn't need the afterthought... like I do now.
Chalo.. always scope for improvement.. and this way, I know what to work on Now :)
So thank you to the person whose words posed a challenge to that aspired-for-peace.
Through your words, I shall grow spiritually.
Love and Peace

Intentions.

I know exactly what I have to do tonight...
Go through a bunch of Forster essays...
re-go through Woolf, Conrad, Achebe essays...
Figure out Rainbow and Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man.
and prepare everything in a manner that is efficient and exam-oriented.
Hmm

not.enough.hours.in.a.day
yea, that-is-whatsup.

map

I believe its been more than one person who has actually stopped me from deleting this giant diary entry over the years... It has traced my love-notsomuchlove relationship with people, music, books... academics.. I could go on.
But I'm yawning, and aching-with-post-organization-aches... This can be considered the bell that tolls for the exams in sight
It still feels like the last week of January.. hard to believe its nearly 3 weeks into Feb.
need-to-get-act-together Pronto.
and thus, seven and a half hours of sleep
:-)
love

fooooor fourteenth

At the risk of being utterly rejected by the intelligentsia... I like Valentines day!
I like the fact that its a day specially taken out for love
I like the joy that it is sure to bring to Someone (out there :) )
I like convincing people to buy chocolates for their first love (who they're still with..naturally)
I like the excitement that builds up through the day
and I refuse to conform to rejections of 14th Feb
I don't care if its cheesy and pink and red with mad shades of fluff...
How can I dislike something that has the potential to let loose all that joy?
and just to clarify.. Its not about receiving that giant teddy or dolphin...The idea Behind it.. the love that Prompts these gestures... thats what warms the heart
gotta love the love
With love for love

mumblemumble

Fell into the romantic curls that Lawrence once spun.
It had the infamous triangle... a man who loves a woman who loves a woman who is loved by the same woman. eh, yeah...something like that.
It would be nice to have a firecracker of a Professor to teach it...
If wishes were horses... lala

Reaaaally sleepy. swept the room. tired.
okay, *cough* ... cough hasn't eased up in a week...
did I mention sleepy?
Night ya'll
Love

Ps- sister university is apparently having this brilliant film festival.. check it out dilli wallahs
:)

Suns Day

How would I explain the sunshine blossoms?
The tinkling laughter provoked
The giggles frothing in recent memories
The skipping pace of the unfamiliar rhythm

because in telling others it would make more sense.
I keep my silence even as I speak.

Maybe?

The drafts folder seems to be growing
Attended one of those magical seminars that could hold my interest.. even felt compelled to go and speak to the writers... Good stuff...
and here I can't go beyond the first act of that melodious plotless play...
If only I could ravage writing out of my own reality.. now that, would be fun :)

Happy 2011 ketchup

Speaking of milestones.. The seed is beginning to sprout out through the ground
The journey has begun.. and I know the more car-miles I rack up.. the faster this motor will travel too...
To not lose the clarity
To all actions that have a positive intent

There you have it.. Resolutions

The Universal Problem, me thinks

One of the interesting things about life is that almost all of us, it appears, know it all.
We know when to shut up and when we should speak out
We know those who give us good tingles and those who give out unpleasant vibes
(of course that changes with time.. but at a given moment.. we know who feels 'right')
We know subtlety is good and being garish is bad (but our Idea of the two differ)
We know a good thing from a bad
We know a good person from a not so well intentioned person (towards us)
We may even know edible mushrooms from poisonous ones

SO why is it that we keep banging our heads on the same wall?
Expectations
Why do I expect when I know it reduces joy? (AOL, Childrens course, 2000)
Why do I expect when I know no one owes me anything and what I do for others is out of my free will (Learning, Since 2000)
Because I know that If I don't expect from people.. that makes me invincible (Click for definition by Dictionary.com) *grins...no I am Not being paid by them!*
If I don't expect
-nothing will surprise me.. reciprocation May make me happy.. ungratefulness will leave me untouched
Well thats it actually... its a one-step all-encompassing benefit.
And it can be applied to EVERY relationship in your life... no exceptions.
Neki kar, dariya mein daal (not to be confused with the indian spice dal)
Do good and chuck it in the river
ie. Don't expect anything to come of the effort you put in
also can be used to simplify relationships
Give your all if that is what makes you happy... but don't expect. Don't expect.
Its not because you're a doormat who is only good to give.. Give if it makes you happy... but if you truly want to stay happy.. Do not.. Do not *I beg you* Do not expect anything in return.

Now see I know all that
I have the key to permanent consistent round-the-clock happiness
Why is it then so hard to practice? eh?
solve that puzzle for me baby!
Solve that and not sudoku
Solve eeeeeeet.
Please