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Tis very simple.
The Past Is Dead.

I've thought about this enough and This is the space i choose to put it out into the Universe.
this is The forum.

There is a very beautiful and inspiring day celebrated by a friend each year.. a day to reach out
to every single person who can be contacted.. On this day he apologizes, asks forgiveness and sends love.
He starts afresh.. and those relationships that are already steady are further enhanced by the fragrance of his love. 

So this is me doing that.. so to all readers.. known, unknown, knowing, unknowing, whole... to all.
I apologize to all and every one to whom i knowingly, unknowingly, intentionally, unintentionally but mostly in ignorance hurt. To every single person in the past.. I apologize.
and as i choose to acknowledge.. i also let go of you.. all.

from this day on.. my slate is scrubbed clean of the past.
because, truly, the Past is Dead.

and who you knew as me.. is also no more.
so with all the love and love and love.. i take leave of you all.
may we always notice the strength of the sunshine paving our way

Aatma Namaskar
(I acknowledge I am spirit, and that spirit in me acknowledges the spirit in You)

sunny

Living positively is sometimes like that ink blot test... only the person analyzing what you see.. is you.
because as we all know.. there are enough things in a day (week/year) to cringe, fight and get angry about.

But there are also other things we can focus on.
and occasionally focus on the same things with better perspective. Maybe from a distance like watching a boat at sea (seriously borrowed from a lovely blog post i read today).
Maybe with less cynical eyes.
Maybe with a huge dollop of laughter and absolute refusal to treat itsy-bitsy everyday things as anything more than itsy-bitsy everyday things.

So as we are treading the usual track to work, play, or the rare club.. (okay, very very rare)
but as we move around.. to witness how we see the world can be an indication to our own selves of just where we are today.

and if you don't like how grey pictures seem to be popping up more frequently than sun kissed unicorns.. then work harder to find a ray of sunshine leaking on to that page. squint your eyes if you must. maybe that cloud is hiding a fat sun... or maybe the rain from that cloud is kissing the roots of a beautiful green shrub that is happy to see you. :)

Moment of Truth :)

Since I'm interested in talking about Light.. here is the Light of Truth.

and it's not just when I'm unwell.. I deeply suspect cunning biology. I'm sure its insidious presence is the Sole Reason WHY

- i love dinky little pens the size of my little finger
- i used to love brightly coloured..feathered..lit.. extravaganzas of pens.. okay, i may still...
- i think of colours as "happy" or not
- certain gestures in advertisements not only speak but sing to me..

actually none of that may be the product of biology.. but i'm sure biology Does play a part somewhere.

so now i leave this brilliant little comic strip here for you to love and connect with.. and maybe we'll ask ourselves

why outward gestures of independence often have to be so alienating..
would i still be independent if a sister, not a boyfriend, made me soup?
what Is real strength..
what does it mean, to me, to be a woman..

Toodles and tralala..
may we all feel the lightness of love :)

Finders and Seekers :)

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things I can
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

The Serenity Prayer


to Fly i must cut the notion that wings must exist
i must cut the notion that i have wings to cut
i must cut the i in that notion
and forget what is and isn't to cut
and maybe then keep the wind company

-------------

the sun isn't noticed because of cloudless days
but the memory of rain lashed afternoons
watching the trees sway

the sun isn't noticed because of sky blue mornings

but the journey through grey stormy nights
and the thunder alongside

the sun is the light, craved in its absence
and feasted on sight
the way isn't truly sought till you've experienced being completely lost

----------------

for we go on..

i may make mistakes
on my own vastra, trip
decide to spin like a top
and rest dizzy by a stream

take a road more twisted
convoluted
get distracted by the trees
the sunshine, the breeze
the promises, i try to make others keep

it will hurt to step on stones
to take a longer route
to momentarily lose my head
but i will walk on ahead

only promises made to self will i insist upon being kept
forget how long it took
forget what made me linger
for before finding you
i will surely lose me

upppity-date

Today i saw the shadows dance
it reminded me of lazy days, comfortably streched out on the grass watching the clouds float by
or sometimes, the eagles swoop up and down with the currents...

I have to read a Lot these days..
I'm dancing through the books actually.. in a frenzy to reach that magical number 14...
scribbling my thoughts about heroes, friendship and well... values... on margins
and with no numbered pages to tag... I'll have to trek back through all these books and make finer..
more detailed notes.

Soon I'll continue with more theory based writings.. but till then, I shall let myself get swept away.

Bubblegum and a sunrise to you all..

Template Tales

I need a fresher, sunnier, lighter Template.. Suggestions via LINKS will be riveting, glorious, fantastic, Welcome :)

To proceed to other trying tales..
the (naturally)self imposed reading-list is actually seeing some progress..
The thriving Book Club helps :)

The formidable list includes (but is still not limited to)
Indira
War and Peace
Lord of the Rings (did i hear an exasperated "finally!"?)
and my favorite secret awesome book that I'm obsessed with and actually Enjoying reading..
the first two are just to pry me away from sitcoms and force myself to read something "literary".. or "relevant".. or "serious".. or something I would never read for fun but need to since I am pursuing a career in academics. Grr.

Also, Umrao Jaan.. if flipkart can ever re-stock it. Book Club addition :)

Toodles

Courage

Exhibit (pronounced Egg-zhi-bit) A- Courage
B- More of above

There can be courage in almost every action.
in speaking Up. in silencing oneself.
in running fast, hard, aggressively. in pacing oneself.

there is Wisdom in knowing which is needed when...
and Courage in the ability to follow through...

in the words of Ehrmann "with all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world"

ah, these 'girl' hormones, itellya, make me well up each time..
to a life led with Courage and Faith.. Cheers fellow travelers!

of love, mush and much romance

if you are currently in the "every boy is a jerk" or "every girl is.. umm..bad?"... mood.. then S..l..o..w..l..y
browse away from this page.
because although i am as single as a mountain range or purple cloud or a horses tail.. umm.. ok..
because Although i am single.. my heart has just been 'aww-ed' out of its capacity and is urging me to
record this phenomenal feeling.

so a friend from college got married and omitted to mention fact or invite most of mutual friends.
but since we never had a personal connection, really. all was forgiven without it being ever requested.
the relevant thing is i chanced upon her and her Husbands (hahaha.. whoaaaa.. scary) facebook pages...
now she was always extremely private and happens to be the only girl in contemporary ever-evolving history
to have resisted the urge to put up her chuuda-adorned pictures of the ceremony..
luckily.. her husband (hahahhaaaaaaaaaaaa..) succumbed...
they had a reaaaaally long relationship with its long-distance-related break ups where she pranced around
and kissed cute Pakistani boys and I'm not sure if he did the same.. but back in 2010 when they were still sort-of-together.. again, no sordid details available due to aforementioned lack of real personal connection... BUT.. there was a picture posted by him then of their feet next to each other in the sand (presumably near a beach and not a sand pit for kids).. and he had written "These feet will walk back to you"

what 'aww-ed' me out was that it did come true.. making the "end" officially define the relationship as always.. but it felt like a "hey THIS is love" moment which are so very rare to come by...

with things splintering and cracking and disintegrating and blowing up like firecrackers at a billionaires daughters' wedding ... umm.. with relationships not working.. it is always a pleasant feeling to watch something (albeit from a safe distance).. reach maturity.. fruition.. bloom :)

also... please note that every single image of being 'single' i could find is never Alone..
mountains are piled up strong supporting each other (or at a really s.l.o.w pace pushing Into each other)
purple clouds always hang out with other light beings
and a horse tail is full of buddy-hair lounging about trying to hurt flies...
so what im trying to say is.. being single doesn't mean your life is outta-loou (pronounced the Canadian way)
it just means .. well it means different things for everyone
for me.. it means *shrugs*.. oh well. it is what it is.

Love Light and more Love to All

Journey 1543...

Someone referred to a post I'd published many years ago on this very blog. It prompted me to go rummaging around the archives and guess what I discovered? I used to Write. with a huge imposing bigger-than-all-others "W".

I think my writing stems from emotion. dismay, giddy joy, strength, hope, and belief. Something outside used to incite an emotion that simply had to be spent by putting pen to paper.. rather, fingers to keys. Love used to be a huge force dominating my posts... anticipated, longed for, experienced and very occasionally rejected. But I found that as I drew closer to its experience... words became harder to come by. I would helplessly cling to poetry as a vain attempt to emote.. and the more intense the experience became.. I would find it harder to articulate and impossible to publish :)

So where does that leave us now? Surely I can Write. Let me hitch that invisble backpack up a little.. square my slouching shoulders.. breathe in the fresh Mountain air... visualize the goal of icy fresh water cascading down the hills and begin the trek. and maybe when I get there and take my first sip... I can Write again :)

more on Lalaland

I wonder what everybody else thinks about those movies/books where the girl almost always falls deeply in love with the 'wrong' guy. and more frustratingly while the sweet nice accommodating Eligible perfectly-in-love-with-her-and-accepting-of-her-with-all-quirks guy hangs around throughout..just Waiting to be appreciated. Mostly he isn't... except sometimes at the end. but Books generally end with the girl choosing neither..or ahem... Independenceeeeeeeee (instead of men)... *sound of liberated patakas in the air*

I mean what do people really think about that? I find myself desperately urging the girl from my cushioned seat... a million miles and probably at least a few Years away from when the episode was shot/book written... and urgently hoping that she hears me and somehow asks the script to go to hell and appreciate him before he stops giving a damn :) (aha.. so you guessed the movie that just stopped playing)

Let me throw a few names at you so we're frolicking on the same page.

Bridget and Darcy
Scarlett and Rhett (who wasn't exactly nice but well.. talk about total acceptance! whew!)
Gul Panag and Purav/b(?)'s characters in Turning 30

Meenaxi Madhavan's You Are Here also has a similar angle.. only that guy just happens to be a lot better than the jerk who is playing hot-cold-veryhot-icecold-nonchalant-warm.. you get it, right? But he also isn't Mr close-to-Right...

Since I've been almost exclusively working on Chick Lit's, Chick Flicks, and having recently discovered the power of Bit Torrent.. watching all the movies I wanted to catch up on.. I've basically been immersed in romance for the last few weeks.. which makes absolute sense because there has been none of it in 'real' life for at least a gazillion years..

So I've been gently needling the academic world and presenting papers on Chick Lit and having fun whilst at it... muahahaha... *dances around with the cool neck movement*


So what do my 62.. oh yeah.. SIXTY TWO readers think about this?
I mean I love watching the numbers climb (umm.. crawl..)/ touch the dizzy heights of the Himalayas (and growing at the same speed I might add)...
But it would be nice to hear from the wide world of 62... yeah.. SIXTY TWO!..
and How does it feel if it happens to you?
Does it happen to you?

Let me know peeps.. yeah, I can't carry off peeps.
Let me KNOW.. :)

Wishing everyone Peace, Love ... and the ability to appreciate them :)

Thankee and Love to the Universe

Last year... right around the time of my birthday.. I expressed a wish for a certain gift to manifest. The Universe lovingly agreed.
Last week.. actually exactly a week ago... I typed out a blog entry talking about yet another Birthday gift that I would like. But I didn't "publish" it. Yesterday the Universe gave me the means to get that gift myself. With even greater love, the Universe chose to allow me to Empower myself this year.

I think 2012 is close to this feeling. Whatever thoughts, emotions, even material objects you think you need someone else to give you... I think 2012 is about the realization that the outside is inconsistent and that's not a BAD thing. It Is what it Is.
You may get it, that satisfactions from outside.. but even if you do... it won't last. Because it can't.
If you want to experience love and you're waiting for someone outside to come and trigger that feeling.. you may be left wasting some time. or more.
If I'm going to wait till my Birthday to enjoy a pen drive full of movies.. I'll be expecting 13th May to bring with it a friend who has found the time to download them for me.
But if on 16 April, the Universe teaches me in the simplest way to procure each one myself.. I'll be experiencing them now and 13th May can walk on closer... without the burden of expectations.

Its the smallest thing. But it matters.
Do we still keep waiting for others outside of us to make us happy?
Or do we now Choose to pick up the hints that the Universe keeps sending... to become truly happy within. With or without movies. With or without things we, till now, always believed we needed somebody else for...

In gratitude for the gift and the more valuable learning

with love

even when things seem impossible to move on from
when ideas crumple up into bhujiya
and plans... well, plans remain just that

when nothing falls into place
remember. remember. remember always.. life is bigger than this.
we are stronger than this.
there is great learning in this.

and we are all.. all.. all blessed.
think of the many blessings that litter our everyday
keeping us safe, protected, loved.

so when something almost seems to get the better of us
ask yourself... what lesson am I supposed to learn from this..
how will this make me stronger

and you Will step out from each occasion... Liberated

lalaland

Its true. Its an absolute storm of weddings descending upon us...
I could use a gentler description but a storm is what it feels like... strong. gleeful. giddy. incoherent. and inevitable :)

A is marrying A. A is marrying A.
(four different A's)
All been in looooouuu for vast periods of time in this insanely paced hormone-driven generation.. (+6 years)
Its a great feeling when looouuu battles it out and reaches the (assumed)tranquility of married life.

If the image of marriage could be put together.. I'd think of it as a soft car purring its way through post midnight traffic.. and the two (monogamy) gently resting against each other.. worn out by the seemingly endless day and comfortable in the warmth of the silence that envelopes them.

I deliberately penned down this current vision of marriage. I think I'd like to read this again someday and see just how close to the truth this image was :)

Warmth. Comfort. Love. Consistency.
I'd be a fool to expect someone external to make me feel these things.
Because the way life has revealed itself so far... It would seem.. either we find them within or do without them and whine.

On the path to discover the former.
Hoping to gently fall in love with the journey... because thats the only way to live. In love.

Love Light and Warmth to everyone
and Puchheeees