warm fog

I wrote on msword.. quite forgot how unforgiving blogger is to 'copy paste' instructions.
You would have liked to read it... I poured out a red hue of my current state of soul.
I'm sure I'll have a better (different?) understanding of the same later.. Almost positively more clarity... but clad as I am in soft numbness at the moment.. it was probably one of my more balanced pieces.
I'm a creature of habit.. I hope to encourage the good I practice habitually and decrease to the point of extermination anything which is not-so-positive.
I resolve to keep the clean.. shining bright.
Happy New Year to come...
kisses

Agar Socha Jaaye...

I haven't moved out, changed cities, or even switched my career choice.. A real shocker considering I've always thought myself to be a restless indecisive soul..
To have stuck in such an efficient leech-like manner to Literature, Delhi and the parental abode.. Interesting :)

SOoooo what has evolved?
-Realization of the self and other beautiful things :)
-Application (attempts at and work towards)
-Figure (muahahaha)
-Degree Status (God Willing)
-Phone and Phone cover (piNNNNk)
-Geographical distance from loved ones

I guess enough has changed... as is natural..
Only its not just as obvious.
SO its not as easy to pin down and ruminate over.. *yawn*
Today was... :)
Anyway... haha... aaah. I like the texture of these thoughts..
The giggles bubble over..
taaa...
Ps- VERY excited about the Jane Austen Book Club!
Thankeeee Shwuti who forwarded the mail... Thankeeee Same-Name friend for founding it :)

Jawaani ke din...

Post band baaja baraat and a bidaai.. I sit and type on.
The sister has been packed off and it sinks in Less each day that she and I no longer share our fathers' name.
Bahoot saara pyaar to the beautiful newlywed
Yup.. It'll be a while before I can write about something else.
Thanks for sticking around ya'll :)

bhuuri mehndi days

Got a BeeeBeeee (bb)
Topping the List
-Being a good daughter
-Spending quality time studying

Everything else- Backseat.
The bb is a lot of fun
and yes, I'm back on fb for the 'networking'
:)

Psst- still need to lay off chocolates..haha
Psst psst- i have a new room

Hello Zer Ebbrybody

Let me just start out by saying Delhi is a busy city... Brimming with energetic/angry/enthusiastic/optimistic/frustrated/giggly/joyful/busy busy busy people!
Somehow we all have ten things to do everyday and if we reach number 3 on the list.. its a day well spent.
Nothing makes you more aware of 24 hours being waaaaaay too less in the day than a Wedding.
THE wedding fyi. of The beloved ecstatic giggly dance-aholic non-demure sister :D
Today is The Day
The last two days have also been THE days :)
I've never enjoyed a shaadi puja more.. Panditji was nice and informed enough to translate the meanings behind certain rituals (illtellyouboutem'later)
I'll walk you through it... Okay..make that run...
The Big Points
-Paranda chhotis are SUPER FUN to dance in
-The mehndi came out SUPUUUUR-er dark.. a first for me! (they say Im either loved very much or will be by my one-day-husband) *giggle*
-V looked gorgeous..but wheres the shocker in that eh?
-We DID it..the dance ie. Thanks to nu and co. we managed to halfway decent performance :)
-The puja was heavenly and pure.. Looking forward to tonights :D
-Managed to rock that teeeeeny tiny saxay tummy revealing lehenga strappy choli thing ;) and dance madly in it.. to put it simply as Bhai did '--- is in a good mood' ahem. VEEEEERY good bhai! :) love laughter and good intentions are infectious :)

To all those lovely people who took out the time to show up and shower love and blessings on the happy couple.. Thank you very very much! I wish you all a lifetime of happiness and health :P
To the ones who intended on showing up.. the same dose of unconditional love :)
In short.. The sister is on cloud 9 and Im swinging on the same cloud :D

Gold ka coin dena... ok..note chalega

I can't boast of lying around like greenyellow lizards sunbathing on the lawns.. nor can I make up stories about giggle sessions and boytalks... what I may like to bookmark
-early morning laughter and plodding to class
-homer simpson humor
-J ka samosa.. J ki elaichi wali chai :)
-self deprecating humor
-the silence in the class
-fog swirling around trees
-unexpected tears of laughter
a flavor you dislike.. and one surprising day.. laugh all day to.
the high and low points in this moody painting have all been characterized by rolling-on-the-floor, whiny, questioning, absurd, unwilling, desperate, cackling laughter.. one, two, all, a few.
its not what I'd Wanted per se.
its not what I'd been happy with.
somewhere along the way I've learned a lot more than 4 semesters crammed together could pour into me. I've learned to live a little and laugh a lot. With people I'd never met before.. through the whiny journey I didn't expect to carry much on from this. But heck, its not been all bad. And I have a suspicion.. I could have done a lot worse!
cheers to decisions life imposes on us
cheers to making the freaking best of it :)
Learning all the way
Singing all the while
*wink*

navambar ka maheena

Hello Ji :)
I wont comment on the time gap if you dont..okay?
I see myself getting a wee bit more frequent on this forum though.
A couple of things..among many.. that I feel the need to see typed out.
First and foremost.
-The WEDDING. with the countdown having begun and the aspirations of weightloss not totally a dream :).. Im happy but a little apprehensive. wary? no.. im just super busy. dont ask me with what though. I Just AM. shopping. trials. phonecalls. invites (okay, need to start on those). shopping. trials. shopping. trials. dont think its a coincidence that Trials is following Shopping for me. Me no likey shopping. Whatever Sw, sue me.. we've already decided you're gonna shop for my wedding.. and yes, I'll teach our kids Kafka. Yes yes.. i know you can do both.. but really.. face it, I'll have more fun doing it :D

-NET. so Im giving it out of sheer curiosity me thinks. Its the national entrance test without which I may not teach in India. Which means all that padhai in Masters will be for... nuzzing.
whatawaste! But of course I will qualify... one day. The idea is to get there... eventually :)
Plus the UGC is taking out all these lovely new guidelines.. let me break it down..
No Phd= No teaching
Only issue... its in December.. and we all know what I'll be busy doing then... (hint. Shopping.trials. Shopping.trials.... Attending the big fat humongous KASHMIRI WEDDING..oh yeahhh)

-Other etc Weddings. seems like the whole world is getting married.. luckily by december I'll have enough clothes to support an entire family of high maintainence 19 year old girls. See Im 22 now.. Im waaaaaaaay beyond this. (tehe.. secretly goes and shops some more)

-FrAAnds. I like em you know. Been conveniently blaming fb for forgetting birthdays..muahahha. no but really.. miss the reminders.. oh fb.. *sob sob*.. but ill be seeing most of them soon enough.. joy. happy budday funti by the way. i loooooooove you :D
your gift awaits............... if u read this blog *cackles*

SO today kids we spoke about love, (Weight)loss and canada.
read bw the lines please.
I love u guys..but that doesnt make my love easy or cheap.
It makes me one hell of a generous soul
BOOYAH :D
*muahsieeez*
Doncha take me love for granted babsies.. because Ill never quite forget a Linda Goodman quote defining Leo women...
"Here's to you and here's to me and here's to love and laughter. I'll be true as long as you, not a single moment after."
I have a feeling memory serves because I agree..
Youhavebeenwarned moochhooooos ;)
Ps- Im taurean.. but.. well.. I can still agree!

because you wonder about choices...

I have a choice.
I could either focus on a perceived flaw in someone else
Or
Be grateful for the many beautiful gifts today has showered

I could point my finger and wrinkle up my nose in distaste
Or
I could join my hands and pray I never hurt anyone the way they almost did me

The miracles, help, love never cease
May this Diwali illumiate your life... Hari Om

I was surprised to find profundity buried deep inside my own writing.. hidden in word documents that will never experience the glory of publication :)
I haven't written in ages..and no, not (just) the blog.. written fiction that is.
I enjoy going back to my own words..spinning a life I've never lived but (successfully, I think) conceived. Its not highbrow but I think it repeats question I think up..and sometimes answers I later find :)

I'm impatient to write something happy.
I'm impatient for some permanent happiness
Impatient enough to rock back and forth on the computer chair
Still balanced enough to not throw pillows around the room

Consider me restless for some peace
Yes. I know that doesn't sound quite right
May you be blessed with the peace I am aching for :)

Yakety Yak

Maybe I'll tell you a strange thing. I'm growing into the understanding that life is not about looking for those 4 leaved clovers and magical rainbows... but its not for the reasons I presumed I would. Its not because of heartbreak, cynicism or lack of faith.. Ironically enough... its BECAUSE I have faith.
Only what I had faith in Then was the hope of finding that elusive clover if I looked hard enough in the garden (Blyton ruined me for realism :) ).. What I believe in now is a different purpose because even if I Do find that clover and it grants me ONE wish... that wouldn't come close to making me permanently happy... Fact- I was looking for a more stable solution and one that went a little deeper... Oddly enough it too was "Seek and you shall find"
but When I changed What I was looking for.. I got my answers :)

Once Upon A Time this blog was about noting down the changes in my life.. mapping them as it were.. I feel its been out of the loop when really major changes Have been happening.. Destiny presented me with a path.. My choice was to take it... my Love, keeps me going.
Its because each time I come close to what the path Really does..the part of me it touches.. how it awakens me to my responsibilities..duties...solutions..Each time I close in on how this has truly changed my life... I am filled with inexpressible gratitude towards .. everyone. Because I must have done something right to be blessed with this...and for me to do that something right...many many *maaaaany* people, words, ideas, actions must have all contributed.. So I want to thank you all today.
You have contributed to my happiness regardless of the circumstances in which we've come into contact. I am eternally grateful for that... and I thank you.
I wish you all deep love and happiness.
God Bless

Finally, the blog has been (truly)updated :)
Also academically... things have certainly not built up as expected really.. at least not according to the Plan.. but you know what, *shrugs*, thats just life (and really ill researched work on my behalf :P..whoops)..but regardless, there is still an impulse to tug on a different string, just for a little bit, and play with a different subject *maaaaybe for a little while*
Like
Indian History
Archaeology
Astronomy *not so much, I just like the idea of staring at the night sky*
Astrology (for kicks)
But just take a break from the whole Literature as a career path..booo..
I'm open to toying with Scriptwriting, Directing, Painting.. anyone interested in paying an amateur to handle their meaty professional project? :)
Ahh... get back to me here if yooou ARE :)
No link...just the blog.

But yeah..wee bit frustrated with picking up books like medicines and just swallowing them whole... but I AM totally recapturing the thrill with Catch 22... my daily indulgence (not prescribed ie. )... fantastic with the potential to be depressing (what with all the...content and all) BUT saved each time by its sheer ridiculous quality.. I mean..Bravo.
You may all have read it when you were fourteen.. let me enjoy my happy time :)
God Bless and may all your Positive dreams come truuuuueeee :D

One more inky page Lived

I know I haven't really kept my (awesome)readerbase updated
So how about, instead, I tell you my plans for the future? eh? or accurately...the Present :)

Courting, maintaining, surrounding self with Peace.
Internally.

God Bless
Love is the best kind of healing
Have a loving day

The title of the blog changing signifies growth in my beliefs
I am grateful for all the knowledge
Hari Om

Finding-ai

Sing me the Whiskey Lullaby and I'll listen, sipping tea
We'll call it the best date, I with Me
and the day begins staring into the eyes of hope
:)

rambling in that overgrown garden

There is something that hasn't really changed over the years. The whole inadequacy-in-the-face-of-technology.
And no, it's not a 'girl thing'. It's a me-thing.
I still haven't quite figured out why google keeps popping up S's blog when you type my name.
And how people ..magically (it seems).... manage to find My blog.
when I still can't!!!

Its one of those things that leaves me stumped. Like being asked to multiply 178469 with 7853, in my head! (B is trying to cure my math phobia)
Maybe I was butchered by a trigonometry teacher.. or buried under a perfectly triangular pyramid in my last life... who knows.

Spiffydodo.. anyhoo.
I'm trying the walking-on-the-right-lane bit. Life doesn't exactly puzzle me anymore.. but I'm opening up to the realization that its harder to follow the path of knowledge than to find it.
Guess we can never go back to the tutu dresses.
Speaking of not going back... facebook.
A decision well taken :)
Survivor Samoa is now being aired.. Hello 9 pm sunday entertainment :)
OR not.
(wiki'ed the winner. *&%^*$*)
Toodles ya'll
ps- keep the faith

my own

To float on water and wallow
To look up to a grey-blue sky
To feel the waves curling under a surrendered body and know they will hit a shore… eventually
To dip as the water bullets pelt harder

To be pushed around like a lone branch carried by the wind
To surrender to drowning, breathlessness, injury on rocks and more
On Faith
The Faith burning a hot cold white at the core, ‘You will survive’
When all else you think has faded, You will survive the voice whispers
You are not your body
You are not your face
You are not your memory
So surrender

There is no question of the match fighting a flame
You are one in the same

11/08/10

Resolution

In spite of all evidence to the contrary, I will still believe in Goodness.

समय के साथ बदलना आवश्यक है

हम अब हिंदी में ही बात करेंगे ब्लौग पर। बस, हमने समझ लिया है की ब्रीटिश नें हमारा कितना फायदा केवल अंग्रेजी के सहारे ही उठाया है। पूरी बात बाद में ही बता देंगे।
अब हमसे और नहीं सहा जाएगा।

हो सके तो अभी भी पढ़ते रहना।

नमस्कारम
जय हिंद

:D

Practice makes perfect, right?
*shoo hindi accent, I'll show you non-believers!*

bouquets and brickbats

Iwillcallyou
Youwillcallme

Iwillloveyou
Youwillloveme

Illgetangry
Youllgetmad

Togetherhappy
Togethersad?

The interesting thing about intersections is..we tread on them temporarily
but for that minute there is a meeting of tracks..where you can choose your roads..
once again..
roll that dice
consult that map
and pick the best path forward.. or even back home again.
to try soon later.
when the traffic is slower
when you're up for a dry ride

because the roads go on
as long as hands have laid them down
painstakingly
uninterestingly
forever unacknowledged
on on steadily on
bumpy-ily on
on and on..

we can meet on that intersection
where concrete melts paths

smile.
and if
if
if its meant to be
I'll jump into your car
or you into mine

because belief in destiny still thuds deep
between folds of realistic endings

Tripping

There are days when I forget why it meant as much as it did.
what made me pick this side of the street? memory fails me occasionally and the words spill out contrived. old. Said once by someone old who meant them, repeated by me because thats how I used to feel.

But then again, there are these moments when I can write
"Because its like stepping into two worlds and choosing with each breath.. Which you prefer to stay in more. Will I know someone who understands?"

And thats what keeps me a-walking-down-this-street.. Not turning back to those old crossroads.
Not selling my soul..because briefly i realize..this street kept my soul alive.

Glorious moonshine

Before every big transition there is a strange lull.
where in the yellow desert the hot wind rises and sings a song never before heard.
a new tune each time to curl around the changing dunes.

when hope is fierce like the scorching sun.
and little grains of memories flow
as if they have places to go.


when that first step is over with.
and the brown ankle firm.
I know the wind will simmer down.
the heat will accept defeat.
glory of days gone by will shine.
and I will reap the benefits of my past.

I don't want life to re-wind. I just want a fresh tape.

wet moss

I will tell you about my day. Just to pen down in virtual ink what today was like.
Sleep came later than planned as I broke my early-to-bed schedule once again.
No, no more television. Just latelate night catching up and whispering into the phone.

Waking up to no driving, no walking, and no yoga.
Just Seconds of awareness before a welcome cold bath.
A resigned few hours spent out of the house in a location I am still to pinpoint in the messymap of Delhi in my head.
Coming home to a delivery request made to Dominos. I gave them good business, surreptitiously.
Surely more than 30 minutes later... it arrives.
A messy clump of maida, paneer and round-red-curls of chillie.
The ketchup at home ran out... rather.. fell into the plate and disappeared slowly.

Brunch I called it.

1 litre of water later.
Full-ness. And not the nice kind.
In-need-of-hollowness kind.

Herecomesthedawn.
Herecomesthedawn.
Scorching 5 pm and a drive around the old 5 kms.

9pm and dinner of dal and bhindi.
I can feel the maida in me.
Weighing these words down.
I feel it in the heaviness...around.

Not the best idea.
When will I become that wise woman who learns from the experience of others?

Weighty Matters

We don’t know how it really was some 3 decades ago. We have our mum’s word or sometimes our nani’s to tell us how things back then were a whole lot better. The men were (apparently)less lusty. The women less ‘bold’.
And miraculously, nobody needed a regular waxing session. NOBODY.

It was a whole different world.

Today I realized that in spite of what Cosmo tries to convince me.. a Prada bag and Choo shoes aren’t a girls best accessory. They aren’t going to guarantee jaws dropping (which is apparently their primary use- Making a statement)

The best thing you can strut around the streets in 2010 with… is a fabulous, well maintained and cared for BODY. It is the one thing no one can compete with you for.. because luckily most of us don’t have twins to share our thunder ;-)
Even if someone else out there can try and claw open all ‘flaws’ in you… You will have the satisfaction of being content with the way you look. Happy with the effect and just knowing that you have done all you can do to take care is a great feeling. Its akin to having a subway sandwich.. a delicious experience without the guilt.

Know that maintaining your ideal weight is a guilt-less experience because then you know you’re not abusing your body or giving in to gluttony.

Can’t wait to reach that stage of happy contentment.
Till then, I will enjoy the process :)

The To-Do someday soon :)

Some things to do before I pop off to heaven

Have at least One interesting conversation with someone I've always sort-of known but never taken the time to talk to...IN a coffee shop which has a pebbled path outside...with a very himachal-breeze that rushes in through the open window
The conversation should begin somewhere in the afternoon and we should be able to sit comfortably till the sun begins to set..

Go really deep into a meditative state and experience that sense of balance...Once. Twice. Many times? All-The-TIME!! *salivates* :)

Dance underwater!

Write a (good)book.. that changes someone out there(for the better!)

Dance.Dance.Dance...whenever I feel like it!
If life was a musical ..and I the eccentric director who can attempt a piroutte at a seconds whim.

Eat a jar of peanut butter chunky style...alone! ha! (and not put on weight)

Fall madly in love for a day and have it reciprocated.. the soul-meets-soul love. The kind where you spend all day together and love the person because it makes you happy this soul is out there in the wide universe... Even if you never meet, chat, mail, call each other..ever again!

Jump off a cliff and (somehow) land on something spongy...and not be bound by a rope tied to your feet.. Just JUMP and know it's gonna be okay.

Feel Fearless

Cuddle up with a horse at night. Or a really wellfed (vegetarian)lion... *the mane..bliss*

Read another play by Dario Fo

Spend the night surrounded by flowers (that have their roots attached to the ground).. and not be the latenight special for the mosquitoes or tigers(?)

Meet Tamora Pierce and tell her she's super awesome!

Be able to forgive any and everyone for any and everything. Rub off all experiences that once made me sad and START OVER. To be able to accept Everyone.

Leave Facebook.

Drive and not have eyes-roll-around me saying 'Woman Driver'. Though that I can't do much about :-)

Not need to talk on the phone.. Have everyone I love walking-distance away from me.
:D

Rock a backless choli and mini-shorts... (not simultaneously)

Laugh hysterically when something funny happens. And forget to cover my mouth when I do :P

I like how most of these are very do-able :)
An interesting list to go back to when I'm 40 and glowing after a swim in the mountain stream...
Add that to the list... Swim in a mountain stream *BEAMS*

Honestly

I wonder..

Why is it always easier to spill the ugly stuff?

So shoot me with your Pichkari..

Top 5 reasons to shoot me with a water gun.. Now

-I squeal like a little girl when I see a barsaati keeda in my room
(especially when it's time for bed and I'm not securely throttled by my jeans)
When in fact I should shriek like a 22 year old and muster up the guts to chuck it out by
the cloth I normally drape over it.
Must-stop-yelling-for-dad

-I just drowned a baby-lizard down the bathroom drain :(
What can I say? I'm a murderer.
I plead sheer terror when it went skipping off towards my bucket.
(who knows where else its little feet have been?)

-I don't ooh-aah over every baby I see.
And no it's not a girl thing to automatically think every young one of our species
is adorable/so wee/and deserving of coochie-coo from strangers.
From parents? Yes. Strangers? No.
ItoldyouImNotPerfect!

-I loved the movie Love, Sex aur Dhokha.
Apparently that's a crime.

-I love happy endings.
AND the colour Pink.
Shoot you narrow minded cynics!

Amen
Peace
Bless you all.
Have a happy bubbly loving crazy fun pakoda-eating day! :)
Like mine :D

dash-dot-skip

You know what that is?
It's leaves all connected but each pointed in a different direction.
That is what friendships have translated into.
Nothing really changed after college.
Okay, everything did but intrinsically the people I've always had connections with were still hovering around. Even if they were in Hyderabad and we wouldn't talk for months... It would feel comfortable calling up and yelling 'poop face'. In fact, I liked the distance because it made our relationship more real.... it sunk in that there was more to us than 5 hour practice session for our street plays. Something much deeper... compatability.

Each year more and more people are falling off the Delhi map and I wonder... will all of these bonds evolve? or simply stagnate as pretty warm memories to dip nostalgic words into once every rainy season?

I'm guessing it'll be the former considering the solid foundation we all have.

Thank you... for listening.

My zen

If I had to notch up some famous (read overt) flaws of mine that could lead to tragic consequences if not reined in Now... They would be (in no particular order)

The Sin of
-Pride (overconfidence, overestimation of one's own abilities)
-Sloth (laziness because of aforementioned overconfidence)
-Wrath (I blame the Bull in me.. who can take it all in for hours, days..sometimes months...and then one bright sunny day react ferociously to a tiny glimpse of red.. then no mercy.. grrrowl!)

The thing to remember is that these Sins seem to cross each others path and sometimes pave the way from one to the other. Now I could put the word Sins in quotes to show just how meaningless I think the categorization is... To dismiss the cold hard lines of definition and say it is all a relative, subjective and ever fluctuating Concept. But politically incorrect though it probably is.. I believe they Are flaws. They ARE Sins. They are feelings/emotions/tendencies that ARE "fatal to spiritual progress".

It isn't something I'm declaring at a moments whim. It happens to be something I've personally experienced; The destructive nature of these tendencies.
I'm also very comfortable expressing regrets about the past. Not the fact that it happened but sometimes the way it was handled...by me. Because when any or all of the Sins would come into play there would always be a hint of regret in the air, palpable some 2-3 hours later.
So I don't regret episodes... I just believe I could have handled them with a far more peaceful approach.
I think detachment is beautiful if the process is a soft gentle one.
It doesn't even have to be poignant. It could be the joyful one like that of bacteria.. you know, splitting apart and us calling it reproduction. I guess I like the idea of remaining a whole after "splitting".

These are creepy thought to have on yet another beautiful (Extra)sunny June day! :)
ta all...

Of poms who think they're cute

So you know the drill..waking up...bla bla..blue blue.. HONK HONK...

oh yeah!
Guess who can DRIVE now????

Yez yez...fluffy the wannabe-poodle.

And me

me

ME.
sadly no one took a picture of me driving.. but since its gonna be like a ROUTINE thing now (yeah baby) I guess there is no need..

you know..it is supah-sexy-ordinary...like red lingerie on a regular wednesday...errm

no one is reading this blog right?

Got a call!

Apparently Pyaar Impossible is on.

must-watch-brilliant-misunderstood-cinema

My first ever peek at the masterpiece...yum!

See you folks around...
Thats a wrap

Above is a wrapped gift..close enough...wouldn't you say?

Of bunnies and bouillabaisse

When you talk and it sounds like Greek to people.

You are in trouble. 

It is time to quit literature.

Though, you know, I really like Greek... It's just so sexy how nothing makes sense and yet you feel super-smart knowing random quotes. Plus most of our English words have their root in Latin and Greek. *grorgasm* (see how sexy it is?)

Luckily for me, people think my mutterings are in French.

Muahahaha. And nearly everyone knows French

now... It IS the new English... Right?

That's french pumpkin bouillabaisse by the way.. cause I'm all about the kaddu... in any cuisine... in any country!

Kaddu.is.Hot.

Bouillabaisse is a fish stew.. before you happy vegetarians order it with glee. Though with That picture, I doubt many of you will want to!)  

Speaking of which...I was playing Playboy Bunny (the video game, actually!) and initially I thought Hef was talking in French... Turned out it was gibberish... wow.. I just totally contradicted my own point. Dayum you verbosity!

Have a  day all!!! 

*toothy smile*

Aww I love that dog.. find me dog with a grin to eclipse my own!... see how I did that? made it AllAboutME :D hah!

ButterKup

There are no Good or Bad people.
There are just people.
Each person trying to be happy.

Going to work on unconditional Respect.

Lovsies.

Bumbling

                                                                   
Coffee                        ya                   Chai?

Piye coffee, chai, ya paani?

Decisions.Decisions.

To New Beginnings

Satsang today
I love life

Today I give up all my baggage.
All memories that pull one down to regret, guilt, what-if's and the wish for better judgement.
I give it up because I'm starting out.

The only image of the past I will carry from now is health, love and blessings.

Reborn at 22. That's me :D

A happy-day-to-me! :D

Roughly six more hours and I won't be able to (honestly) say I'm *just* 21.

We think of memories around 31st december or on birthdays.

The realization that something new is about to begin makes us want to remember the old... at least the old that matters.

Things more momentous than my very-recent attraction towards my own chinese-style garments

(I never realized how comfy the old dragon-print dress-robe was!)

And just when I was about to dip in the pool of mellow -reflections... I am no longer alone in the house. 

Many cool things have happened this year... some of which have been covered by the blog

(like a faithful dog salivating at my heels, begging for a crumb.. it's insatiable need for details I tell you!)

Top of my head I can remember a few worth smiling over

-University entrance.. It was my best, most fulfilling paper.

-The interactive lectures with my mentors.

-A few scattered birthdays :)..and birthday gift shopping!

-Phone conversations averaging 1 hour every-single-day

-Sense of growing right-ness and love

-The ashram and rishikesh, 

-Ahmedabad...Gorging on khichdi and gud for nearly every meal (and disliking the meals that weren't khichdi and gud!!!)..The decision to settle in happy Gujarat after I retire.. that was a fun week!

-275 coffee dates and probably visiting every rooftop-cafe in a certain part of Delhi :)

we've probably lost us a fortune! ;)

-spending lazy days missing DU. missing lazy days when studying. 

I've loved the process of turning 22.

It has been a truly lovely..loving..liberating experience.

Happy last-day-of-being-21 to me :)

And Thank you to mommy who decided a baby wasn't that bad of an idea to have on May 13th 1988 :)

Biologically, emotionally, mentally, intellectually... mom and dad..you have shaped me.

Thank you, I think I've turned out happy.. and that's as good as it gets :D

Go on and on and on.

Somehow, in an insane way, the 5 weeks of examinations are over.
Mom and Dad have made it 30 years together today.

Put on some 5 kgs due to stress-eating this last month.
(yawn)
I'm going to skip the guilt trip and enjoy my last few days of calorie-worry-less eating.
Till I turn 22 this thursday.
Till bestie turns 22 this saturday.

Monday onwards healthy eating, exercise and the dream of the backless choli :)

Oddly enough its not like the stress has melted away with 5 pm today.
I guess we truly Are responsible for how seriously we burden ourselves.

There are So many things I wanna do in the next three months.
2008 I drove myself crazy working 3 internships.
2009 I lazed and didn't study for a single entrance. Pompous a**.
2010 I plan on doing a lot with myself. Academically start on a new chapter.
Look overseas at crazy-a** no pay post-grad courses. Double masters? sure. Phd? sure :)
Totally gone beyond what anyone thinks.
So grateful to God for that.
I'm gonna do my thing and have loveliness as a part of my routine. I just know it, I'm one of those few people who are just going to be happy. Always.
I won't make the most money or have the skinniest kids (with my genes! hah! :) )
But I just know I'll be excited about learning every single day. Okay, every alternate day *grins*

Plan to take off on a trip.
I think the time is right for it to happen.
Had a dream about it, felt right somehow.
This is going to be one hell of a holiday :)

Going to go back to painting.
Tomorrow I will fish out my old oil-paints and half-complete paintings.
If nothing else, I will paint pretty shades and smiley colours.
The colours will GRIN I tell you!
:)

Planning on reading a LOT.
On religion, spirituality and pilates.
hah!
Recommendations are welcome if anyone is actually interested in helping!
I know SOMEONE is reading out there!.. how else are the reading counts going up? huh?

Of course have to be the wedding-helper with darrrling sisters' knot-tying affair coming up.
The dance, music, clothes... are things I will possibly be the sounding board for.
Moral support here I come.

Feel like painting my room a creamier cream. Myself.
Therapeutic no?

The exams went okay I guess. Time will tell.
day-dawn-storm. all part of a single dream.
Chalo, thats the way it goes.

Also I think I'll stay happy because I want to.
It's important to love each experience and yourself while you're at it.
I mean, I put on weight so I dug out this old chinese top I had (pre-weight-loss phase)
wore larger jeans..higher heels...diamonds in my ears and ROCKED it.
Looked and felt better than I have at my skinniest most self-conscious phase.
Decided I am NOT going to talk-beeechi(hehe) about anyone.
Turns out you take on that persons bad karma if you do.

In a wonderful phase with my love v (you dont know her, dont bother wondering! :) )
we had the most beautiful satsang ever (spiritual conversation that brings out crazy HAPPY vibes) It was unexpected and just..lovely!
love her so much!

Thank you God.
I don't care if its unfashionable to be in love with you!
You make the happiest in the whole wide world and beyond.
You and mum.
Well you make mum happy too!
I love you both. and dad. and sister. and doggies. and my beautiful loving strong friends.
dont think of it as a hierarchy lovers.. love is love babay... there is no one, two or three.

Muah!
ps- gonna watch zillion hours of star WORLD! yeaaahbaby! :):D

Justonemorestepleft

Its hard to keep the tendrils of excitement under control.
Must.

For just 29.5 hours, more.

*glee I already feel*

(Am i allowed to)Love LSD?

So monday night became movie-session till 3 am.

I still have my exams but VS had come over...sooooo....we saw 

Friends, Gilmore Girls, Castle aaaaand... LSD.

Reasons why I actually loved the movie (that most people found crass, vulgar, long and senseless)

I'm already giving you the Other side of the argument just in case you sue me for gross-misrepresentation after reading This review.

Warning- Watching LSD with your dadi and co. may lead to the squirming-syndrome. Avoid.

Love, Sex, aur Dhokha

It broke away from the typical 3 stories interwoven and butting in every 3 minutes. It had 3 distinct plots with clear breaks so one could actually register a connection with each.

The most drastic (read violent) plot was kept at the beginning. Cleverly keeping the audience mentality of a 'happy' ending in mind. It's very important that people aren't Haunted by the movie. Bad dreams don't translate into money in the producer's bank.

Unconventionally, the most intense scenes didn't show the faces of the speaker. Eg. in the narration of a death of a friend, attempted seduction of a star(?).

The former was brilliant because it could be understood as an admission on the part of the director that there are some things film cannot do justice to.

Raw emotion can be very ugly. Overwhelming. It admitted to the inadequacy of the very medium through which they narrated the story. I think that's pretty brave.

Also the actors!!! The director didn't go for a Single good looking chap to relieve the eyes. I mean, it was ordinary brilliance. People you can pick up off the street, boys whom you will never speak to, girls you won't find incredible attractive. Sweet, yes. Beautiful, no.

And somehow they all 'fit'. Brilliant apt casting.... right from the verbally abusive father to the giggly naive daughter. Apt.

The subject wasn't unfamiliar. Episodes described have happened, are happening... sadly, may continue to happen. It's not a *beware* story. It's intent is not to make one more wary (though perhaps we should be) but it just Is a story that almost documents the process behind daily tragedies.

The dialogues Deserve a mention. Unlike Ishqiya which seemed to shove in swear words for audience hoots... LSD made the language seem a natural accessory of the characters portrayed. It never felt out of place or unexpected coming from the mouths of the people it was put into.

Harsh? Yes. Inaccurately put? No.

In fact, even the nasty remarks about colour were quite brilliant. They exposed the bias of people of course, exposed a man trying to wriggle out of a spot his conscience wasn't comfortable in... an interesting tool to expose prejudice and dying sincerity(half-heartedly attacking what's vulnerable)

I could go on... technical tools, the digital format, the depth of characters, the lack of unnecessary drama(skipping the decision making process and mentioning the result in passing)... I found them all favorable.

But, that's just me.

I don't know if I would 'suggest' the movie to a lot of people, or any!

This would be me putting my own personal take out there...whatever that's worth :)

(probably a few million dollars, someday!) :)

Have a happy weekend!

Ps- Judge away but the respect is back for Ekta Kapoor! :D

*hiccup*honesty*hiccup*

Undiplomatically speaking

There IS a colour bias and we all need to deal with it. Some are biased towards fair skin and others towards dark. There are bigger problems at hand. Find someone who likes the way you look and someone you like to look at. Try and find both qualities in the same person.
*chuckles*

Women can never treated as 'equal' to men in Delhi, India. It can't happen because of a woman's suseptability to rape, to injury, and finally due to a deep rooted fear of loss of honour when the rape/injury is made public knowledge. The branding of a woman as a victim or loose are both currently fatal. We can only control our own worldview. Respect men, women, animals.. if you want to make a difference.

Being Over-Weight is *yawn* not impressive superficially speaking. If you're uncomfortable with the way you are being 'treated' then deal with it. Either exercise those kilos off or be comfortable with the idea that not everyone will think you're hot. The deal is, even if you lose 10 kgs...still... not everyone will think you're hot. So get to a point where you're comfortable with yourself. Work at it. When you feel good about you, well that's better than a chocolate cupcake.

Interestingly, the main problem in all of the above is a feeling of victimization.
Unfair TREATMENT meted out to you by a shallow industry marketing fairness creams and bone-melting sugarfree through funny sexist ads.
I think the time is right for me to say what I really think.
There's a need to get over this persecution complex.
I can say it over and over in a million different ways.

The key is to love yourself and if there Is something you don't like about yourself...
Like
-your laziness
-your morning breath
-your thighs
-your skin colour
-your nail paint
You can work on it. It's okay to want to be fairer. It's okay to want to be more tanned.
It's okay to want to have a bust line and its ALSO okay to look like you're just a teeny bit starved. I'm not sayin STARVE..but the looking-starved look does seem to be desirable right now.
Go about it the healthy way... work out, eat right...fit into that tiny bikini!
Scrub that nail paint off :)
Do what it takes to make yourself happy.
Life is too precious to always live diplomatically...
Sometimes the wildest thing you can do is conform.
Conform if it makes you happy.
Pink-Green-Purple hair is a cool way to rebel.
But don't rebel if it doesn't make you happy.
That's all I'm saying.

Let's be happy now :)
Time for a smile :D

Shiny Bubbles

Some people think I'm a romantic.
I guess everyone means something different when they say it.

It's like calling someone 'girly'.
Person A thinks girly means cute.
Person B thinks its a step above a 19th cent. hanging-on-a-mans-shoulder damsel.
(or do i mean a step below?)

A romantic.

I Believe in chemistry? Yes
Believe in romance? Yes
Believe in the concept of 2 people being happy together? Yaaaaaais.

Believe in happily-ever-after? Hmm. Toughie there.
You see I believe you can live happily-ever-after but I don't necessarily think a Prince need be in the picture for that.
I mean, yes, there will be company for most of us in our old age... but somehow I think one can't depend on someone else to KEEP them happy...forever! (even momentarily actually)
I have nothing against men. I don't think they are cheating lying scum or something.
I just think its very hard to live with those kind of expectations from anyone.

God willing, you will meet a nice person who you like to laugh with and you suit each other temperamentally. I hope that happens for you. I believe it Can happen for some people.
But ultimately, when your hair is turning grey and your back is giving you trouble... don't wonder where the fairy-tale went.
I think life may be about embracing each bit, as gracefully as our nature and circumstances permit.
There is great dignity in acceptance.

What I'm saying is I do believe in love. True love.
But I think one must look beyond the obvious for that.

I could spell it out, but heck, even if its someone else's template that I've happily downloaded...
It is Still my blog.
And ambiguity is back ladies.

(check out http://www.theseekerscribbles.blogspot.com/! that's where I spill the beans and spell it out)
:)
Thanks to shwuti for the happy directions to the template maker.
Happy day tomorrow to you all.
God Bless!

Desire One

The Dream this December!!! The backless-choli club has been formed and darling sisters' nuptials are the occasion! The family is growing :)

Of girlhood and growing up

Dear girls,

Stay with me on this.
Peace will not be found in Britannia cheese slices.
It will not be found in a chocolate fountain.
It will not be found in late night tv.

You can find some through exercise.
Some through meditation.
The most by being true to yourself.
Nobody but you can help you find peace.

xoxo

Time to go to bed.
Though I'd say Hi.
Hi!

GoodNight then

That isn't my current bed.

Oh well, we can't have Everything... materially that is.

Pink-a-Latte

I don't care about cricket.

I don't care about soccer.

I simply don't think it's important.

And that's okay.

It's okay to care too.

Okay to follow each match religiously and *sigh/cry* over results.

Free country etc... or so I'm told.
For me.. it has been.. is... may always be...

Boooooooooooooring

*shoots self*

Speaking of self.

Maa burrday is on its waaaaaaay!

Its flapping its tiny wings(?) and singing.. LOUDLY

It's SO boarded the plane/helicopter/jet!

My birthday is so cool, si?

Now... what should I get for turning 22?

Seeing as it has been a lot of work TURNING 22

what with eating sleeping etc.

I think I deserve a day, no YEAR, no LAAAIFTAIME (of grammar lessons:) )

no no... I deserve tons of joy!

So I ask of myself this day... with exactly a month remaining

To make sure I get it

To make sure I feel joyful and blessed

Cause I am :)

Love you all!

Plus I also turn ONE :)

How utterly fabulo-so.

Okay those spelling lessons might help.

eh.

PS- I'm SO having that pink drink on mii budday!

I don't care if it has peeled kheera in it or yellow lauki (eww)

It shall be pretty pink and I shall gulp it down in staaayle(style. moron.)

xoxo

(in pure barbie pout)

*muahahaha!*

To Write

What makes me think I'm a writer?

I think words are beautiful... they're like that proverbial stick you can either use to break a window or help a blind man walk

I truly feel like I physically invest a part of me into everything I scribble out

ie. my work=my baby

When I'm deeply sad I instinctively turn to writing

When I'm deeply happy I take a few breaths... calm down.. and begin to write

I once believed words were the way to eternity... to live in the life of someone else once your own life has passed... Now I don't think too much about eternity... Now I just think words can be therapeutic

Words can work miracles. They really can... they can cement relationships.. start new ones and sometimes.. they allow a stranger to guide your biggest decisions. Words Matter.

I think I'm a writer because I value words.

I've slowly learnt the cost of each.

Words can be like nails dug into a wall.. even if the nail is pulled out.. the impression remains.

I'm a writer because I choose to be one, choose to have it matter to me, choose to want to be a writer each time I write.

You know what they say about the pen being mightier than the sword right?

I always like the Horatio's who stick back long after the Hamlet's have died... they stick back and tell us the story

Cheers to Writing

Cheers to all of us who try :)

God Bless us All Everyone

Chiggy Wiggy

I'm contemplating writing a book.
This time for real.
er. really.

A- oAoAoAooooAH.
no really.
A- A book with no adjectives.
No happy day.
No cheery smile.
Just facts.
Yeah... a bestseller on my hands, no?
No subjective adjectives at least.
and NO nature mirroring the mood!
sheesh.

B-I could go the multiple option way and make the book interactive.

The --------- girl felt really bad.
(fat/thin)
She was the only ------- girl in her family.
(repeat above choice)
Her friends were super --------.
(go wild... put in your own adjective!)

Sigh. Next Exam Paper is Fiction.
I'll tell you One thing though.
My readers will never know Anything about me through my book.
NUuuurthing!
Nothing.
Except that im super super cool and i dont smoke.
Thats it
Thats all they're getting out of it.
Not my point of view on Iraq or Cosmo or Nail paints or Terrorism or the word Actor instead of Actress.

That'll all be from this blog.
yeah that's right.
Potloads of money shall i make off of this.
someday... somedaaaaaaaaay :)

Ps- don't smoke kids.

them law make them suicide illegal.

Nautanki On TEE-VEE!

DID you KNOW they have a SHOW on V that actually has..
wait for it.. a woman actually called TEMPTATION.
as in they REALLY refer to a PERSON as temptation!
and right now, one guy tried flirting with her by calling her 'lassi'

*dies*

also, there is a love shack where 4 committed men get to stay with 'temptation'
for a night
Plus she carries 90 thousand with her.
Also. you gotta dump your girl to succumb.
As in your girlfriend.
As in your GIRLFRIEND.
For someone you Just met.

*Can't stop watching*
YIKES

Of pits among other things

The slightly interesting thing about the pits is that when you think you’ve landed, bum first, on rock bottom… there’s always scope for a further downward spiral.

In fact, being too geographically challenged to be specific, I’m sometimes surprised how my behind doesn’t crop up at the other end of the world… The Earth being round and all I would assume that’s a logical fear (?).
Not particularly plagued by anything more serious than consistent inertia I wonder if others would find some joy in my predicament.
Would I chuckle if someone fell down?
What if the person concerned giggled to find himself on the floor?

I’m grumpy after a day of the Romantics.
Two full years and my mind still growls uncomprehendingly when I try and understand their philosophy.
What is the OBSESSION with Imagination anyway?
Writing poetry about it.
Writing prose to explain aforementioned poetry.
Writing criticism on other works of poetry and prose to compare and contrast own opinion.

Wordsworth, if I may politely ask you, wtf?
Coleridge you are better but not much!
Blake… ‘Tyger’ really??? REALLY?

*fake cries*
*wants expensive movie watching experience and not-too-tasty popcorn*
NOW!

Ps- Rather than pasting a picture of dirty ground pits (which also popped up a picture of person A's (arm)pits being licked by person B. yuck!.. google..too-much-information!)... I've pasted a picture that makes me feel a sense of peace that I want... as opposed to feeling pit-ty.
Also.. that's not a thin slice of onion .. it's the Sombrero Galaxy... also known as M 104
remember you read it Here first... unless you're an astronomer and this is a very blah-usual-filter-coffee moment for you.

Cheers.

BOY oh BOY

Some days I even surprise myself.

Bubblegum and Buttercups

Rain and Rainbows

Clouds and Kittens

To all

To everyone

I think I might want to watch

LSD

Karthik calling Karthik

Road Movie

Yes,

In spite of crap-stinky-poo reviews by audience

(not the 'official' stuff they print)

ExaaaamJJJ Time.

Uff. 

ps-Movie tonight? Say YES!!!

Ma :)

Thank you Ma
for everything
beautiful
sensitive
compassionate
loving
positive
warm
you have introduced to me through your example

I love you
God Bless

In my insane hurry to gobble black grapes ^^

I may

May

May

have eaten some dirt

About 5 trucks of it

Oops?

Of books and boredom...

Bacherlors.
Dickens' Hard Times gave us all a hard time.
Masters
Paine causing way too much pain.

Sigh.
Phd. really?

Of scents, senses and will

I love

-Arden

-Buddha
-Spectacles

In no particular order.

Spectacles help you see things clearly.

They get rid of the fuzzy edges and the blurring 'reality'.

The illusion that the object is all spread out, when in fact its quite solid in its outlines.

Buddha can save you from the biggest illusion, that what you see, touch and feel is 'real'.

And Arden.... Arden just makes you smell so good.. so yummy..

The feeling that your whole existence is now suffused with perfume...

Did you know what Cosmo recommends as the technique for figuring out your own 'personal' defining-you-perfectly scent? They say you spray on one you like at night, right before you go to bed and when you wake up in the morning and breathe it in... If you find you still love it and accept it as a part of you (my addition).. That is the one that defines you

You can choose to go for the specks that'll help you see trees better

You can choose to welcome faith into your life and view the larger plan better

You can do both or neither

That's the choice you have

You can't Change reality

You can simply choose when you want to face it

Any pace is a good pace, Any time a good time

Spray on the scent that smells right to you this morning and every morning

That's free-will for you :)

What a wonderful world

God Bless

A giant bag of..

Anything bordering senselessly complicated sentences kills my interest. Instantly.
Very low tolerance for pseudo intellectual theorizations.
Give me pizza and archies.

Facing the fact the words written tirelessly in academic journals don't change the world.
Popular fiction does.
Must flip through soft-porn Mills and Boons now.
Must, like after the exams.

See you on the other side of the rainbow
^ above, true example of (deliberate)senselessness
but at least I didn't complicate the sentence :)

God Bless

Did you know?

Did you know

-that the Universe is listening?

-that everything bad you wish on someone else, comes right back at you?

-that jewellery can't be 'pure' 24 carat gold and wearable because then it'll be really soft!

-that dimples can push 'average' to 'cute' almost instantly?

-that no matter who says what to you... no one but you can choose to believe it.

Now lets get raving crazy drunk and toilet-paper-roll someone's car.

Or you know, have milk.

and Study.

Either way.

Lala

:)

God Bless

Throw stones at em'

Somedays it's a real effort to not give in to man-bitching*

*man-bitching= a term implying bitching** about a man or men
**bitching= being catty*** (pun intended)
***catty= nasty, not to be confused with kitty+*
+*kitty= a furry pet commonly found to attract lonely female owners (in popular media)

Like I was saying.... time for swiss milk chocolate
Ps- I have dogs

Absolutely Everybody

I could fill a poem
with allusions many
Long and flowery
my words could be

Talk grandly about emotions
that transcend infinity
Speak of gestures
unimaginably sweet

I will perform not
to please the crowd
I will not cry nor smile
Till the feeling isn't true inside

I will speak the truth
speak my subjective truth
I will not be ashamed
of the choices i make

I will not expect you to please
me
I will not attempt to you
please

I will not lie
this is my page
This blog today
i again claim


love

Learning

I'm doing the unexpected.
Turning the keys, and whaddyuknowit.... the engine WORKS!

Loving the ride.
Literally, Driving.

Okay in my case car
on-move 2 inches forward-reverse-stop (17 times)

Life is Good.
Aristotle even bearable :)
Exams in a few...

*love*

hey bloggie-boo

hunting for that elusive screw that makes words spin like ribbons on a twirlers stick.
*peeps under the table*
pschaw (nondescript sound)
nothing!

SURVEY

At the risk of pushing this survey down the worlds throat

FILL THIS OUT   

---->   THIS-SURVEY

Its going to help me a LOT in my research paper

Collecting data on video game players... likes... dislikes... opinions.

Everything.

Feel free to mail me if you have any input/advice

*tell me in the comments section, will get back to you*

Now enough of pimping my survey :)

Hola!

hope you all had a happy holi! 

:D

Peace

Bura na mano... Holi Hai!

You know what's awesome about life?
It gives you Exactly what you want.

Go beyond board marks.
You'll see what I'm getting at.

Didn't break my word.
Deepest thanks for the blessing.
I love you God.
Happiness to all.
Namaskar

Live (like laaaive not like liv)

-Participated in translation workshop
-Kicked major ass in translation workshop

luuurving it

Premchand lovers, got his stories in urdu? anyone?
*nope, im working on hindi-to-english but it'd be nice to have the original urdu script too!*

-oh and, yum dinner
-extra worked eyes
-reading some more

you get the picture.
alive and kickin! :)
God Bless You All

Star World

I hate men like henry.

Betty still makes me tear up.

Idealism. Dedication. 

Heart.

All a strong pull.

Over sitcoms?

Not me.

Not yet.

Khushi :)

What makes us similar?

You, me, the guy on the road, the girl doing her nails, the kid in the pink sweater?

We're full of contradictions.

Nice+mean.

Nasty+generous.

Cynical+loving.

Brilliant+stupid.

Lovers+haters

Bitter+hopeful

Clumsy+composed

Lazy+downright determined

Awesome+Awesomeerrrrr :)

We're all some of those things.

We're a different us with each person.

So what exactly pulls us together into this little bundle that we think we are?

Essentially.

Intent, me thinks.

Unwavering attempts at intending well.

Ie. if one wants to be the silver lining and not the dark cloud.

:)

Loveeee!

Ps- Working on my very first translation of Premchands short story tomorrow.

YAY. Me lowwwwve Uni :D

14th Today, 15th Tomorrow :)

I love love

I love beauty

I love everything that is

I love everything that claims not to be

I love

If you love hard enough

You become love

How can I possibly not LOVE a day kept especially for love?

I love todays potential

Happy Valentines to you all

However you may choose to spend it

Love :)

Ps

5 of my favourite things

-rainbows

-pink clouds

-imaginary unicorns

-diamonds

-rain (pink umbrella. its insinuated!!!)

(the butterfly happened to look pretty)